Not Afraid to Die

"Are you okay now?" Rian asked, running a hand through Lolita's hair.

"Yeah." She wiped some left behind tear streaks with her hand.

"Do you still not want to go on a date with me?"

"Can I have some time to think about it? Like a few days, or something? I just need to," she paused, "let everything sink in."

"Take as long as you need."

Rian kissed the top of Lolita's head. Smiling, she snuggled into his chest. She was glad he understood. She didn't know how to handle the information he had given her just yet. He wanted to be with her even though she could die any day.

Who was okay with something like that?

He even sat with her while she calmed her tears, which took at least ten minutes.

That was a long time for her.

"Thank you."

"It's no problem as long as you're happy."

Silence. It wrapped over them in a comforting way. Considering Lolita's dislike of silence, it was strange she found any comfort in it. But wrapped in Rian's arms, listening to his heart beat in his chest, his hands running through her hair and making tiny circles on her hospital gown-clad side, she felt this silence was okay.

No, it was more than that.

It was absolutely perfect.

However, she was still Lolita, the girl with the attention span of a mentally challenged goldfish. As the seconds ticked on, she could feel herself getting antsy despite how much she enjoyed being in Rian's arms.

"So, how was oboe practice?" Lolita asked.

Rian's hand stopped in the middle of brushing through Lolita's hair. "How was what?"

Five minutes. That's about how long she lasted without talking. Rian had to give her credit. It was probably a record for her. Her question made him question what she had been thinking about, though.

What was an oboe?

"Why did you stop," Lolita whined.

"Because you asked me about oboe practice."

Lolita pushed herself out of Rian's arms to look up at him, keeping her hands pressed to his chest. The exasperated expression on her face nearly sent Rian into a fit of laughter.

She was cute.

"You can't multitask? Even I can multitask," Lolita stated.

"You can multitask?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, only sometimes."

"For about two seconds at a time, maybe."

"You're not very nice."

"I am so nice. I even bought you another present today."

Her eyes darted to the still wrapped box on the table. She perked up, smile stretching across her face.

"Can I open it now?"

"You forgot about it didn't you?"

"No." She paused. "Okay, maybe."

In her defense, it had been awhile since he mentioned the present. A lot had happened in that time span. Rian asked her to go on a date, and she had a full mental breakdown.

There was an oboe in there somewhere.

"No multitasking skills and no attention span. Aren't you just destined for greatness?"

Lolita nodded enthusiastically. "I'm going to be emperor of Rome one day. It's my life's goal."

"I don't doubt that. Do you want to open your present?"

"Present?" Lolita chirped.

"Please don't tell me you forgot again."

"You changed the subject."

Lolita noticed she had been forgetting things with a little more frequency, like her mind would shut off the moment a new subject would come up. She normally had a better memory than that. Forgetting the present the first time had been justified. Forgetting it the second time?

Something was wrong.

"You need to get tested for A.D.D."

"Stop changing the subject and give me the present."

Shaking his head, Rian grabbed the present from the side of the bed and handed it to Lolita. She hummed a "thank you" while she grabbed the present from his hands. Little balloon hearts decorated the surface of the shiny red paper. Lolita twisted the box around in her hands, bright smile on her face.

"It's so pretty."

"I should have just gotten you the wrapping paper."

She jutted her tongue out at him, before carefully unwrapping the present. Each piece of tape was slowly taken from the wrapping paper, so as not to damage the design covering it.

"If this is how you're going to unwrap it, we'll be here forever," Rian commented.

"I want to keep the paper," Lolita said, removing the last piece of tape.

"Well, I'm glad I picked the right wrapping paper." Rian draped an arm over Lolita's shoulder.

"Me, too."

Lolita took the tape-less paper from the box and placed it to side. Preparing herself for something that would tug at her heart stings like the last present, she pulled the top of the box open. Another, slightly smaller, wrapped box and a note met her eyes. Eyebrows drawn together, she looked up at Rian. He shrugged, pretending to be just as shocked as her that her efforts didn't yield an unwrapped present. Lolita turned back to the present, pulling out the note and unfolding it. In what Lolita assumed was Rian's handwriting was a message.

'Oh, look, another present. You should open it.'

Lolita tossed the note to the side and reached into the box for the next present, tossing the old box to the side as well.

"You didn't want to keep the note?"

"Why would I keep the note?" Lolita asked, beginning to unwrap the new present.

"I don't know. Maybe it could become a keepsake?"

"But it's not pretty like the wrapping paper."

"I like to think my handwriting is pretty."

"It's not."

She didn't see Rian roll his eyes, too consumed in folding up her new sheet of wrapping paper and placing it on top of the last sheet. Smiling, she opened the new box. Her smile dropped instantly.

In the box was another smaller present and a note.

"Why is this happening," Lolita whined.

Laughing, Rian shook his head, incapable of answering her question. Lolita grabbed the new note, unfolded it, and glanced over the handwritten letters.

'Oh no, your present's hiding. Maybe it's in this box.'

She glared at the note, before crumpling it and throwing it to the side.

Pulling the new wrapped box out and beginning to carefully remove the paper, she said, "I don't like your notes."

"And here I thought you'd actually appreciate them."

"Stick to picking out wrapping paper." Lolita placed the folded wrapping paper in her growing pile.

"At least I know you'll keep that part of the present."

Instead of responding, she opened the box in her lap. She wasn't surprised to see another note and a smaller wrapped box. Nor was she all that upset. She kind of liked opening all the presents. It was an adventure.

Without question, she opened the note sitting inside.

'Guess it's not in that box. Maybe this one?'

She tossed that note to the side with the others, pulled out the wrapped box, and carefully unwrapped it, placing the decorated paper in the pile. Expecting another wrapped box, she opened the box in her lap. There wasn't another present box, instead a significantly smaller, rectangular, blue velvet covered box. She pulled it out and flipped the top open.

"Oh," Lolita breathed.

Inside was a necklace with a rubber duck shaped pendant about the size of her thumbnail, encrusted with yellow and orange stones.

"Let me put it on you."

She handed Rian the box and turned her back to him, holding her hair out of his way while he connected the clasp. When he was done, she let her hair drop, gently touching the pendant.

It was so pretty.

She threw her arms around Rian's neck, her wires managing to stay in tact with the careless motion.

"I love it," she mumbled.

"I knew you would."