Not Afraid to Die

"Why are they doing that to that cake?" Dante's father asked, perched at the foot of his daughter's bed, staring at the television suspended in the top corner of the hospital room.

"I have no idea," Dante replied, sitting next to his father, eyes glued to the screen, look of disgust clear across his features.

"You guys won't do that in your special, right?"

"I sure as hell hope not."

Playing on the television was another band's Christmas special. Dante wasn't sure who it was, not his genre of music judging by their actions and clothing. They looked to be fresh out of high school, which explained why they were acting so immaturely. There were no females in group. It was possible they had never conversed with a female in their lifetime.

But this was all speculation. There was only one thing Dante knew for sure about them:

They were the crudest bunch of individuals he had ever seen in his life.

"I think my mother will beat my knuckles with a ruler if she finds out I watched this," his father said.

"I wonder how many parents are letting their children tune in."

"I wonder why the producers are allowing this to air."

"Do you think they'll pull it before they perform? I don't think I can stomach much more."

If they did that to a cake, Dante didn't want to see what they had planned for their performance.

"I hope so." His father paused. Still looking at the screen, he asked, "What is your band going to do about the performance?"

"Neon said she'd figure something out if I don't show up. Lestat might attempt to play both parts or one of the All Time Low guitarists will play it."

"All the Dante Anderson fans out there won't be too happy."

"They’ll understand. And I'll ask Arpeggio to bring her laptop over so I can make a video to post on YouTube to apologize for missing the Christmas special."

"Why Arpeggio?"

"She has the coolest editing software I've seen in my life."

"Of course."

"I'm going to figure out how to edit a dancing gnome in."

"To distract Lolita when she wakes up and realizes you didn't go to the special because of her?"

"Exactly."

"You could give her a Chinese finger trap. It'd be much simpler and she'd never find her way out of it."

"I'll wait until she gets upset over some other unimportant thing for that."

"She'd be so—" he stopped, watching the band on the screen.

Grimaces formed on their face in unison, almost identical. Dante's father pulled his eyes away from the screen to glance at the unconscious girl in the hospital bed. Sighing, he turned back to the screen where vile acts were still being performed.

"It was just a rubber duck," Dante mumbled.

"I'm kind of glad Lolita's unconscious right now," his father stated, eyes hooked on the screen once again, "I wouldn't want her to be exposed to this."

"I don't even want to expose myself to this."

"We can't tell your grandmother what we did today."

"Grandma's probably watching this, finding some sick humor in the violation of that poor rubber duck."

His father thought for a moment and shrugged. "She would do that."

His deceased wife's mother found enjoyment in strange things.

Eyes glued to the obscene acts on the television, backs to the young girl, they paid no attention to Lolita. Her breathing progressed to an even waking pattern as opposed to the slow one that kept her alive while she was unconscious. The rises and falls of her chest increased with the pattern.

But no one noticed. The heart monitor continued to beat in a steady rhythm, never changing to indicate the change in breathing. No machines blared to announce her new breathing pattern. That wasn't any of their jobs.

The finger of her left hand twitched, a sporadic movement that wasn't followed by another.

"They're label is probably pissed. This can't be good for record sales," Dante remarked.

"I'm going to assume the label knew this would happen."

Lolita's fingers curled into fists, clenching the blanket. Dante didn't notice. Their father didn't notice. The machines connected to her made no indication of noticing. Life went on as she gripped the blanket tightly in her fists, knuckles turning a dull white from the pressure.

"This must be one shitty label."

"There is a great deal of shitty labels out there."

Lolita's eyelids fluttered open. They immediately squeezed shut again, the lights of the room to bright for her after the days of darkness. Slowly, she opened them, easing herself back into normal sight. Her eyes darted around the ceiling. She recognized the various images she created from them without having to stop and think.

Movements still slow, she turned her head from side to side. No one sat in the chairs by her bed, but the presents still occupied the table at her bedside. She glanced at the foot of the bed, where she could feel the mattress caving in. Her brother and father sat there, eyes glued to the television.

She opened her mouth to gain the attention of her family members, but no sound came out. The dryness of her throat made it impossible for her to make a noise. In fact, it made her want to vomit.

Thoughtless, she grabbed a crayon from the table and chunked it at her siblings head with as much of the little energy she had as she could muster. It flew across the length of the bed, hit her brother on the back of the head, and bounced to the mattress. Placing a hand on the back of his head, Dante glanced at his father. His father faced him, meeting his confused gaze.

"Did you just hit me in the head?"

"No."

"Well, then who," he stopped short of his question, eyes widening.

Dante and his father turned their heads quickly to face the once unconscious Lolita. She stared at them, body exhausted, throat in pain, while they took a moment to get over their shock.

"Honey," her father started, almost unsure, "You're awake?"

She didn't answer the question, simply pointed to her throat and mouthed the word "water." This seemed to knock both of them from their shocked demeanors. Smiles broke on their faces. Tears coated Dante's eyes. Her father stood first.

"I'll go get Doctor Cart."

With that, he rushed from the room to find the doctor in question. Dante stood after, walking to the side of the bed where he once sat, and grabbed the bottle of water from the movable table were he left it. Unscrewing it, he handed it to his younger sibling. She snatched it from his hand and tipped the opening against her mouth, guzzling as much water as she could without taking a breath. Dante watched, slight shock still over him. She was awake and moving.

She was alive.

Pulling the bottle from her mouth, she filled her lungs with rapid amounts of oxygen. Doctor Cart, Blaine, and her father walked into the room seconds later. Blaine went to work checking her vitals. Doctor Cart stood at the foot of Lolita's bed with her father.

"Lolita, you're awake."

"Yeah," she said, glancing around the familiar faces, "Where's Rian?"

"He's at the special," Dante replied.

"That's today?"

"Yes."

When did the span of days pass? She remembered her world going black and that was it. Had her time disappear into a vortex?

She knew that wasn't true. She had been surrounded by darkness. She didn't know what had happened, where she was. It was scary. Not the blackness, though that was terrifying. No, she had been so cold and alone, a feeling she never wanted to have. Her thoughts had revolved around one person and she came to a realization.

She didn't want to die alone.

Sure, she had family that cared her, she had her brother's band that cared for her, but she wanted more than. Something deeper.

This was something she was going to be selfish about.

"Can I see Rian now?"

"He won't be back for three hours."

"I need to see him now. Can't I leave?"

"I'm sorry Lolita," Doctor Cart said, "but I need to keep you here to make sure you remain stable."

"But," Lolita's lower lip quivered, eyes filling with tears, "I need to talk to him."

The mix of tears and Doctor Cart's knowledge of the development of AIDS caused her to crack under the pitiful expression.

"Alright, this is what I can do for you. We can release you in an hour. Since I've been invited to the special and you were my only patient for today, I'll meet you guys at Neon's house. Blaine will come with me. He and I can watch you there. Sound good?"

"Perfect."