Not Afraid to Die

"If you guys are finished, its time to start this meeting," Matt stated.

Rian's hand dropped from Lolita's wrist, his attention turning to the two managers at the front of the room. Lolita kept her eyes on Rian's profile. Why did his smile make her breathing stop like that? She could admit Rian was attractive. But he wasn't the first man she found attractive. Just because she was home schooled didn't mean she lived under a fucking rock. She may not have socialized much, but she had eyes and a clear idea of what she found attractive. It didn't make sense for her body to react like that.

Lolita shook her head, turning to face the two managers. She wouldn't dwell on it. At the moment, whatever the managers had to say was more important, though it didn't really concern her. Dante was part of the band, not her. Knowing, however, allowed her to bug her older brother constantly about what he needed to do.

Another game, similar to the one she played with her father. Dante didn't know he was part of this either. She needed entertainment, and she wouldn't tell him until she was on her death bed. And if she died before she could tell them, the white sheet of paper in the drawer of her desk provided the information, as well as a heartfelt note filled with her love for her family members.

She wanted to be prepared in case something was to suddenly happen to her.

"As you all know, Christmas is coming up," Grim started.

"That's my birthday," Dorian exclaimed, from his new seat on the floor.

"Why do I share a birthday with you?" Dante asked.

"You're lucky to share a birthday with me."

"I beg to differ."

"You guys should have a joint birthday party this year," Jazz said, "I call finding the entertainment. I hope you like Beatrice the Clown."

Zack snapped his head to face Jazz, "What?"

Jazz patted his arm in mock sympathy, "Don't worry. You'll be too drunk to know what you're doing."

A light flashed on in Lolita's head. She knew what was different about Jazz.

"You're not wearing bangles," Lolita blurted.

Lolita had never seen Jazz's arms bare. It was almost strange to not see the plethora of bracelets adoring the keyboardist's arms. Bracelets had been such a fundamental part of her wardrobe since Lolita had met her, and they weren't there anymore.

It was like seeing a dog without fur.

Jazz looked at Lolita, "I don't really wear them anymore."

"Why not?" Lolita asked.

"It just seems better not to."

Knowledge radiated from the glint in Jazz's eyes, the small smile on her face not as awkward as Lolita remembered. Jazz had changed a good deal in two years. More so than anyone else in the band. And Lolita wanted to understand how. She knew something had happened months ago but her brother never explained it.

"But the bracelets were pretty and colorful," Lolita said.

"I feel prettier without them," Jazz replied.

Lolita's mental processes halted, the words floating back and forth in her mind. It wasn't that it didn't make sense. Jazz was confident enough to not need her bracelets. But the concept of feeling pretty was too much for Lolita to grasp. How did someone feel pretty? Lolita felt like she was dying most days unless she took more than the allotted amount of pain medicines, which she did often. The young girl was confident, sure. She wouldn't have dyed her hair pink and black and teased it daily if she wasn't confident enough to wear it in such a way.

But she never felt pretty.

She felt miserable.

Did she convey miserable because she felt miserable?

Grim cleared his throat, drawing attention back to him and cutting Lolita's mental wandering short, "As I was saying. Christmas is coming up and the label wants to do a Christmas special on MTV. They got the time slot, the camera crew, and they picked RxN and All Time Low to be in it."

"Basically, the idea of the special is Christmas with you all," Matt stated, "All together, you guys will have a Christmas celebration with presents, food, talking, a possible interview, and a performance at the end. Your significant others and family are expected to be there if they're not busy. The fans will get to see you in action on Christmas. Hopeless Records isn't the only label doing it. There should be specials being shown all day."

"You're going to get a lot of exposure and publicity from this. All sales and performance demand should rise, assuming you don't do something vile," Grim said.

"Looks like Dorian has to be kept in his cage," Dante said.

"Dante's getting coal in his stocking," Dorian said.

"Back to the point," Lestat pushed, "Where is this taking place?"

"Well, you see," Grim started, "it has to be done in one of your houses."

"Who's house?"

"We were hoping to use Neon and Alex's since we have meetings here anyway."

"I don't mind," Neon stated, "Should I expect a crew to be coming to my house in the next couple of days to set up."

"Not exactly."

"Are Christmas pixies setting it up then?" Arpeggio asked.

"Oh, I do like the Christmas pixies," Jack said.

"No. The label wanted the two bands to set it up. But RxN is busy recording and I don't think anyone trusts Alex and Jack not to screw something up. We talked to the label and they decided that a group of people close to you should set it up so it can seem homey," Matt explained.

"We were thinking that maybe your significant others and family members can set it up," Grim said, "If there's anyone you can think of that has time, you can give us names now."

"We'll be helping them and making sure everything is as it should be but we need people to handle the bulk of the work," Matt said.

"Annabelle should be able to help. She doesn't have any shoots till after Christmas," Lestat said, "Claudia can help, too. I mean, she's only nine but she can be pretty creative. And if you have small tasks to do, she can handle it. My mom won't be able to help though."

Grim nodded.

"You already know my parents aren’t helping," Jazz stated, "I can try to get some students to help out. Michael would be more than willing."

"We might use him."

"Okay."

"I can try to get my brothers to help with set up," Dorian offered, "They won't be here for the actual special because they're not supposed to see me. But I'm sure they won't mind sneaking away for a couple of days to help with grunt work. That's what they're built for."

"Doctor Cart might have a little time to help with planning," Neon said, "And she can be in the special since she's basically the RxN doctor."

"So we have Annabelle, Claudia, Dorian's two brothers for set up, possibly Michael, and Carter for planning. I say one more person should do. This isn't going to be extravagant or anything. There's not enough time to set up something major. We just need people to help pick food, decide on the set up of the room, and make a general timeline of events," Grim said.

Lolita had remained quiet during the conversation taking place, focusing her attention on the information being thrown around. The special sounded fun, especially considering who the people in charge of planning it were, and she was hoping she could go. She assumed she was invited considering she was Dante's younger sibling, but her health didn't always cooperate. Winter was a bad time for her. Cold brought out sicknesses in her body with far more frequency than any other season. With sickness came a visit to the hospital. A visit to the hospital meant both her brother and father worrying until Lolita was afraid their hair would turn grey.

But if she got sick on the day of the special, she wouldn't be the only one kept from attending. Dante would be forced to stay by her bedside in the hospital while she recovered due to their father being away. She couldn't do that to him.

"How time consuming do you think this will be?" Dante asked.

Grim shrugged, "It shouldn't be too bad. There's not much to plan."

"And this is taking place on Christmas?"

"Later in the afternoon, yes."

Dante looked at his little sister, "Love, you want to do it?"

A bright smile immediately covered her face, "Really?"

The excitement in her tone almost made him laugh. He probably would have had he not known she would find extreme enjoyment in working with other people. Home schooling left her socially starved, and she was one of those kids who actually liked being around people.

He wanted her to be happy.

"As long you don't stress yourself, sure," Dante said.

Stress was dangerous for her. Sickness could easily strike when she was stressed. Pneumonia certainly had before. She stayed in the hospital for four weeks because her system couldn't protect itself against pneumonia. That wasn't the first or last time, but it was the closest she had come to death. He didn't want that to happen again.

"I won't, I promise," Lolita said.

She didn't break promises.