Please Don't Leave Me

I sighed sitting in this dumb plastic chair with my head phones blasting Static X's cover of Toxic in my ears waiting for these stupid fucking doctors to come and get me. They took my mum in there a while ago. I knew this wasn't going to be good at all. I knew that something was wrong with me.

My knee was bouncing up and down to the beat of the song. Finally I saw my mum. Her face was red and eyes puffy.

I'm so fucked I stood pulling the budd's out of my ears.

"Mum?" I stepped towards her, she wouldn't even look at me. I was hurt. One of my many doctors was behind her. He beckoned me into his office as my mum sat in the plastic chair and held her head in her hands as her whole body shook. I took one last glance at her as I followed the good doctor into the office.

I sat in the chair in front of his desk bouncing my knee again. I tilted my head looking at him. He kinda reminded me of that Dr. Phil guy. He was about 6 feet a hell of a lot taller than me. Myself being 5 foot. He wore his glasses on the edge of his nose looking at the papers that were laid across his desk. I sighed growing extremely impatient. He looked up from the papers taking his glasses off and throwing them, he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Alana. This...this is the hardest thing that I have honestly had to tell anyone." I could feel my face and neck growing hot. I was angry and upset and slightly confused.

"What, god just tell me, don't fucking sugar coat it." My nicety's were gone, they had momentarily stepped out of the room.

He looked dead at me.

"You have cancer...and it's in the 4Th stage. There's nothing we can do. We've looked at your options, we can try to fight it so you can live longer, but sweetie I'm giving you 6 months at the most."

I blinked. What the fuck did he just say?

Cancer?

I opened my mouth searching for words, but when I didn't find any I closed it and stood up. I ran out of his office. I didn't even dare to look back. I ran until I couldn't run anymore, till my legs felt like jello. I hunched over trying to breathe.

I was a couple months shy of turning 18. My dream was finally coming true, and now my life is going to end?

I looked behind me and then ahead of me and broke out into a run again. I ran until I was at her house. I ran up to the door and pounded on it. She answered and was still in her PJ's. Tears were running down her face.

She knew

She pretty much tackled me into a hug and brought me into the house. It was a mess. There was a broken vase on the living room floor, and I could faintly hear A Day To Remember My Life For Hire playing in the back round. I looked at her, her face was contorted in concern, pain, and fear. I walked up to her putting a hand on her hip and kissed her hard. I could feel her melt into me. This was what I wanted. Everything that I could have possibly searched for, was in this woman that I held in my arms.

Hayley fucking Williams

She was mine, and I had worked so hard to get her, and now I'm going to lose her.

She bit my lip as I led her up the stairs to her room. I needed her like an addict. She was my drug and I need my fucking fix so bad.

I brought her into her room, the one where I had memorized where everything was. Where her make-up went, everything pretty much had a place. The only thing that didn't were the clothes on the floor that she wore in the previous days.

I pushed her to the bed as I slowly slid on top of her.

"Baby, nothing changes. Ever. I will always love you, and you will always be my lucky star." I kissed her again as tears started to fall from her beautiful eyes.

"No crying, it's going to be okay. I'm okay with this. I found what I was searching for in life." I saw a twinkle in her eyes as I said that.

"Al, I don't want anyone but you. You've made my life so much brighter."

I wiped the tears away from her porcelain face, and kissed her. I slid my cold hands up her shirt and she shivered getting goosebumps. I slid it over her head kissing along her collar bone, down her chest kissing around her nipples. She groaned softly running her hands through my hair, I took her left nipple into my mouth sucking softly, and she grabbed a handful of my hair. I grinned against her as I started to suck more sliding my hand down her hips hooking my fingers on the hem of her cheetah print bottoms. I pulled my mouth away from her nipple and kissed her hard. I grabbed her legs wrapping them around my waist and I shifted us so we were on the bed more. She was sucking on her lip looking at me. I let go of her hips and slid my shirt off shivering at the temperature change. I looked down at her breathing a little harder than before. I just looked at her. Memorizing every curve of her body the way she felt under my touch. The way she shivered as I touched her smooth skin. She was absolutely gorgeous.

"Al, I fucking love you." She pulled me down and kissed me so hard, but it was filled with so much passion I couldn't help but let a moan escape past my lips to hers. She reached around and unhooked my bra. I helped her get it off as i un-buttoned my jeans struggling to get them off.

stupid fucking skinny jeans

I got them off and kicked them off my legs. I had my boy shorts on as I got between her legs again, running my hands along her inner thighs. I started to tug down her bottoms. I almost moaned right there as I saw that she had on a polka dot thong. I bit my lip running my hands up her thighs again, this time she arched her back exhaling a breath that she had been holding in.

This wasn't the first time that we had made love, but god damn it gets better and better every time we do. I kissed her one more time as I started to slide down her panties. I could feel how warm she was underneath the very small cloth. The things that this woman does to my body. I pulled them off and threw them on the ground. I slid my hand down her body running a finger over her clit. She gasped, and closed her eyes throwing her head back slightly. She was soaked by this point. I smirked knowing that I had this effect on her. Without warning her at all I slid a finger into her opening. She moaned grabbing the bedsheets. I started pumping slowly at first, just until she wasn't as tight. Before long she was moaning for me to go faster, and I obliged. Going faster the moans came more, She was moaning my name and panting. I could tell that she was close. I sped up going harder than I did before. She screamed digging her nails into my back, wrapping her legs around my hips. I couldn't help but groan at this. The noises she was making and the way she said my name, uh god help me. I felt her tighten around me as she gave one last scream. She collapsed on the bed panting I slid my finger out cleaning it, then laid next to her. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I could have stayed like this forever.

"Baby, what about you?" She asked me softly placing a hand on my stomach, I took her hand and laced my fingers with mine.

"I'm perfectly fine babe, don't worry about it." I kissed her forehead, but got butterfly's in my stomach as the though went through my head again.

your to young
fuck being young, I won't be here for much longer
what i she doesn't want too?
then I'll deal with it.
whatever, do what you want. I'm just looking out for you
oh shut the hell up

I shook my head bring my hand to my face running it over my eyes sighing.

"Baby? Are you feeling okay?" I pulled my hand away to see her hazel eyes, full of concern staring at my bright green ones.

"Yeah babe, I'm feeling just fine."

liar

"Hayley, can I ask you something?" I played with the ring on my hand chewing on my lip, nervous for her reaction.

"Of course Alana, anything." She grabbed my shirt off the floor and slid it on, pulling on a pair of my boxers that I left. I couldn't help but laugh at her. She always looks better in my clothes than I do.

I stood up pulling a tank top on. I took a deep breath and got down on one knee in front of her. She looked at me slightly confused, her hand slowly going to her mouth to cover it as tears welled in her eyes.

"Marry me?" I showed her my favorite ring, the one that I always have on. That my grandmother left for me. I was holding my breath.

"Al...I....o-of course. Of course I will marry you." I let the breath go grinning like the Cheshire cat and slid the ring on her finger standing kissing her hard. I honestly couldn't be more happier.

About 4 months later

Hayley and I had gotten married as soon as we could, which was the day after my 18 birthday, my cancer had gotten worse, but I didn't want to admit defeat yet. Hayley and I were in the doctors office. She was clinging to me, shaking slightly. The doctor walked in smiling at the both of us.

"Well hello Mrs. Williams, and Mrs. Griffin. How are we doing today?" He sat at his desk. I made a face. Hayley took my last name, but still went by hers as well. I nodded at his question telling him I was fine, Hayl smiled and said fine and asked him in return.

"I'm doing just fine, okay now I see your here to see the results of the tests?" Hayley nodded quickly.

I gave her hand a squeeze telling her it was going to be fine.

"Okay, well. Hayley it seems that Alana's egg did take. You happen to be pregnant right now with her baby." He smiled at the both of us.

My jaw dropped, and I slouched in my seat. Hayley was beaming.

She was pregnant with my kid.

This is what we wanted. To have a piece of me left in the world long after I was gone. We both got our dream.

"Uhh..how far long is she?" I was dreading asking this question, because I knew I wasn't going to be here for the baby's birth.

"Well we had to wait and see if it was going to take and we did that about 3 months ago, so Hayley your almost 3 months pregnant." She grinned looking at me. I tried to smile but inside was killing me. 6 more months till my baby would be here...that's 4 months that Hayl would have to go through this alone.

About 6 months later

I was still here. A year after the doctors told me that I wouldn't be. Hayley was going into labor and I was panicking. I had stopped taking some of the medications that I was on, because I couldn't deal with it. My wife was in labor, she was more important. I got her into the car, and took her to the hospital. Lately we had both taken to our video recorder. I wanted my baby to know about me when I was gone, to know who I was and what I looked like.

We found out that Hayley was having a girl and everyone was so excited. The guys had come over and helped us decorate her room. We decided to name her Bonnie, after my grandmother.

Hayley was in labor, and I was freaking out, I was all sweaty, pale and extremely sick to my stomach, I felt like I could pass out at any second. I said a silent prayer.

God, if your listening to me. Please let me make it through the next few days, to meet my baby girl and be with my wife when she needs me. You've given me 6 more months than everyone expected. Please give me more time I was torn out of my thoughts by Hayley's piercing scream. The doctors rushed in and it was time. I got by Hayley's side, and grabbed her hand kissing her head.

"Come on baby, you can do this. Our Bonnie will be here soon." The doctor told her to push and my god did she.

She did this for about 15, 20 minutes and then the room got silent. We heard a small cry and my breath caught in my throat. Bonnie was here. In this world. The doctor looked at me holding her in his hands.

"Do you want to cut the cord?" I nervously stepped closer taking the cutters from him and cut her cord. She was beautiful and had a pair of lungs on her. I looked back at Hayley and just beamed at her. I went to her side and kissed her telling her how proud of her I was. They cleaned Bonnie up and brought her to us. I got the recorder and recorded this.

"Look Bon Bon, here you are. There's Mama. After 9 hours in labor. She looks beautiful as ever." Hayley rolled her eyes and cooed at Bonnie. It made me tear up. The best day of my life. I couldn't ask for a better way to go.

A few years later

My face popped up on the television.

"Well, Bon if your watching this mama thought it was time.
Sweetie. You and your mom were the best thing that ever happened to me. I documented everything, took so many pictures put things together, and made videos so you would never forget me. You were so young when I left you. I wish I could have changed that a million times over. I want you to know. I love you and your mama so very much and even though I'm not there I will always be with you.

Baby, I'm sorry that our time was cut short. The day I met you I knew that we would end up together. You made my life so much better, and the day that you brought Bonnie into this world I couldn't have been more complete. I know that your going to do the best you can to teach her right, and I pray that she has our musical ability. If she does god don't let her waste it. I love you both so very much and I hope that my videos and pictures help you both remember me. I have to go though, cause your coming to bed and I don't feel like getting yelled at for making yet another video, but I love you both so much."

I ended the video by kissing the screen and then it went black.

Hayley popped in another video of Bonnie's 3rd birthday, my last birthday with them. Bonnie was screaming running around in her little dress that Hayley designed for her. You could see me in the back round laughing and chasing her. I looked sick, but it wasn't bothering me. We were surrounded by our family and friends. Bonnie looked at Hayley and saw that she was crying.

"It's otay Mama, I know that Mommy loved us. I wish dat I woulda knowd her more. She woved us both vewry much." Bonnie hugged Hayley.

The doctors told me that I was going to die 6 months after they told me I had cancer. I prayed to god every night to let me make it through another night to wake and see the beautiful face of my wife. Then 10 months later my baby girl Bonnie was born, and I was there to see it. 4 years later the cancer finally caught up to me. I took it with stride, because everything in life that I could have ever wanted came true. I had an amazing wife and child in the world to carry on my genes and last name.