One Last Breath

Skylar

“This isn’t as blue as I thought it was going to be,” I spoke, though it felt weird with the newly implanted breathing tube in my system. It was like there was constantly something in the back of my throat—not to mention my nose—that didn’t really hurt but was uncomfortable enough that it would take a while to get used to.

Noah chuckled at my joke as he brushed some of my blonde hair from my face. I gave him a small smile and closed my eyes again, just enjoying the feeling of his hand against my skin. I moved my hand so that it covered his as it rested against my cheek, and we both ignored the twitches it gave.

“It’s better than a mask, though, isn’t it?”

“The masks didn’t come in blue, so that’s an improvement,” I replied, opening my eyes.

“Sorry that they just come in a standard clear,” he laughed, his brown eyes sparkling in a way I hadn’t seen in days. It made me smile bigger and squeeze his hand.

“Dr. McKnight? Nicole wants to talk to you,” an unknown nurse said, popping her head into the room. Noah nodded his head and she left. He turned back to me and leaned down, kissing my lips softly and staying there a moment longer so I could kiss him back.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time. And bring me back something unhealthy, okay?”

“As if.”

The damn brunette left me in the room pouting. As the wooden door shut behind him, I was left alone to my thoughts again, and I couldn’t get them off of the doctor who had just left.

Noah had been with me through every step along this roller coaster ride called my life. Just as he had promised the first day we’d been officially doctor and patient, he hadn’t abandoned me like the other doctors had previously. Hell, he’d been through much worse than they had and I hadn’t scared him off.

To think that I was going to repay him after all that by dying on him, though it wasn’t like I had a choice, it didn’t seem fair at all. But this life had told me that the world wasn’t fair. Noah and I had grown so attached to one another; it made my heart hurt thinking about what the last days of my life were going to be like.

Noah would give me his all, stay by my side, try to keep me alive as long as possible, and then I was going to die. The heart monitor was going to sound that continuous beep and I would be gone. If you really thought about it, Noah was suffering more than I was. For once in my life, I didn’t wish that I could keep living for myself. I was wishing that I could keep living for him.

“Fuck,” I cursed, feeling the heat of the tears as they started at the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away as quickly as I could, not wanting anyone else to know I had been crying, especially over this. Tears were for the last few seconds, when life was fleeting and I had a reason to cry.

Noah was gone for thirty minutes after that, and since I wasn’t really supposed to be alone, he had sent back the unfamiliar nurse to look after me. She gave me a big smile, introducing herself as Elle. She told me she had just started here about two weeks ago, but I had already known that when I saw her big smile.

“I like the color of your tube.”

“Finally, someone appreciates my color scheme. Noah thinks it’s silly. He thought I would be a pink kind of girl.”

Elle laughed at that, and that made me smile. After a while, she probably wouldn’t laugh like that in this place again. Let her have all the fun she could before the place got to her.

“Don’t tell him I said this, but your doctor is pretty attractive. I mean, usually the doctors around here are older, and you just get so sick with the male nurses or classmates because you’re with them so much, but Dr. McKnight is like a breath of fresh air.”

I smiled as she blushed. “He is.”

As Elle continued on talking to me about something I wasn’t even paying attention to, I thought about what Noah’s like would be like after I died. I usually just thought about the past or the present. There wasn’t really a future to think about; not for me anyway. Noah had decades yet to live. Did he ever think about the future, even knowing that I couldn’t be in it?

Looking at Elle, I noticed that she was really rather pretty. Her hair was a strawberry blonde color, cut short so it didn’t get in the way. Her skin was pale and creamy, though the paint like splotches of freckles on her body gave her a unique beauty all her own.

Noah couldn’t possibly spend the rest of his life alone after me. Even though he had been my first love, I knew I was most certainly not his; which meant I wasn’t going to be his last. Maybe a pretty girl like Elle would come along and help him through his mourning. Knowing Noah, he’d feel guilty for caring for anyone else after I died.

I continued to humor Elle with some light conversation until Noah came through the door, smiling politely at the nurse. “Thanks for looking out for her. You can go now.”

Elle nodded, ducking her head, and I could see that she was blushing slightly. She waved goodbye to me and left without another word.

“That was strange.”

I burst out laughing at the short comment, even though it hurt, and Noah gave me a weird look. It sent me into another fit of giggles that lasted for a minute or so.

“She has such a crush on you.”

“I am pretty hot.”

“And pig headed,” I mumbled.

Noah

Seeing Skylar laugh like that was a nice change of things around here. There didn’t seem like much I could do to make her give more than a weak smile, but I knew it was just the dystrophy getting to her.

“Hey Noah, can we talk serious for a minute?”

“Sure, of course,” I said instantly, pulling up my chair as close as I could go, holding her hand. I expected this kind of thing to come up sooner or later. She was going to talk about the upcoming days, how much death was going to hurt, maybe even what heaven was like. It was normal for terminal patients to want to think about those kinds of things.

“What are you going to do after I die?”

My brown eyes widened at her question. I hadn’t expected that at all. “Skylar, I don’t—“

“You can’t avoid it forever Noah; it’s going to happen soon. I want to make sure you’re taken care of when I’m gone.”

Her hand tightened around mine, and with the look she was giving me, you would think we weren’t talking about her soon to come death. I think the thing that shocked me the most was the fact that she was worried about me.

“I never—I never really thought it through,” I told her honestly, clearing my throat.

“I didn’t think you would have, honestly,” she spoke, her smile looking sad but genuine. “And I’m not asking you to think about it right now, but I wanted you to know that I don’t want you to sit around doing nothing.”

I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head, not wanting to hear what she had to say. Weren’t the roles supposed to be reversed here? The doctor was supposed to be the one to bring rationalization to the table, not the patient. Yet, here I was, trying to deny the inevitable.

“Hey, babe, look at me.”

When I didn’t look at her right away, Skylar moved her hand to cradle my face and make me look into her honest blue eyes. God, she was beautiful, even looking as sick as she was. Those eyes had been a pull since the first moment I saw here.

“I love you with all my heart, and if I could, I would marry you and grow old with you if I could. But I can’t, so I want you to live your life to the fullest for me. I want to die knowing you’ll grow old with someone else and have a bunch of gorgeous babies that—“

I leaned over and kissed her hard then, just to stop the painful words that were leaving her mouth. Her mouth moved against mine in a tingling kiss that always got me right in the heart. She deepened the kiss by wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer. I lifted her up and gently wrapped my arms around her.

“These have been the best months of my life,” Skylar breathed out once we pulled apart, and I could see her eyes were a little watery, “Thank you for that. You’re an amazing guy, and because of that, you’re going to find an even more amazing woman who is going to give you everything you ever wanted.”

“I wish that could be you,” I whispered, feeling my own eyes water. Skylar actually let a tear fall.

“I do too.”