Regrets A Waste Of Time
Comfortably Numb
Beauty, that’s the only way I could describe him. The way he carried himself when he walked into home room, the way he smiled like the whole world was controlled by him, that he knew the punch line to every joke and the biggest secret that everyone was just dying to know. Being 13, everything inside of me was changing I could feel that, I knew when HE walked into that room, I was in love. He sat down beside me, my heart was beating faster than it ever has in my 13 years on this Earth, I could smell the familiar smell of Degree Deodorant, it was the same one I used. He was everything I wanted in a boy, I knew that I had to have him, I knew that I had to make him love me the way I was loving him, but could a guy like Zack Merrick actually like me, a boy for that matter, just little ole, unpopular David Bailey
I read the screen what seemed like a million times, this couldn’t be the very first page of my journal, this couldn’t be on the school’s blog site, this could not be real, it was all a dream. I just sat there, I heard Elizabeth saying my name over the phone, but I hung up on her. I looked at the bottom of the screen, Views: 340, 340 people have already seen this, 340 people knew two of my biggest secret, including but not limited to, Zack Merrick. I didn’t even notice Alex behind me, he spun around my chair and looked at me, his eyes looking for something in mine.
“Are you ok?” asked Alex, I didn’t know how to answer that, I didn’t feel anything, I was terrified and numb.
“I’m dead” was all I could muster, Alex shook his head.
“No, it’s not that big of a deal. I will find out who did this and kick their ass. Don’t worry nothing is going to happen to you”
“Zack will see this, Elizabeth can’t stop him forever. He will knew, everyone will know”
“And so, no one is going to say shit to you, I will protect you” said Alex, but I didn’t know if I could believe him, he couldn’t protect me from this, no one could.
“I want to just go to sleep” I said walking towards my bed, I didn’t bother taking of my shoes or clothes as I slipped under my blankets, I pulled them over my head, I wanted to block out the entire world, there was no way I could go to school tomorrow, everything was going to suck, my life was so fucking over.
I sat outside in my car, I didn’t want to go inside the school but I knew that I had too; I slowly escaped my car and walked inside, people in the hall stared at me and whispered to their friends. I knew that it was all about me, I saw Zack standing at the end of the hall, he was putting a book in his locker. I prayed that he didn’t look my way, I couldn’t bear the look that I knew was going to be on his face, that look of disgust, he did look up at me but it wasn’t disgust on his face, it was confusion. I looked away and opened up my locker, inside was a folded up piece of paper, I opened it.
Check the blog tonight @ Midnight
That was all the letter said, typed letters that brought fear to me, I knew that it was just going to be more entries of my journal. Why was someone doing this to me? Was it because I was gay? Or did it have something to do with Zack?
“You ok?” came a familiar voice, I turned to see Rian standing there.
“No” I said shaking my head.
“Fag” said some jock in a letterman jacket as he passed by me.
“What did you just call him?” asked Rian, the jock stopped and looked at him.
“A fag, got a problem with that Dawson?” asked the jock, Rian answered by punching the jock in the nose, I was shocked, why was Rian standing up for me he barely even knew me.
“Don’t call him that again” said Rian to the bloody nose jock, I looked at Rian curiously.
“You didn’t have to do that” I said, happy that he did it.
“I hate bullies” said Rian with a smile, I smiled back
“I just don’t get it, Rian. Why is someone doing this shit to me, I haven’t done anything to anyone” I said with a sigh, he shrugged.
“People are stupid, don’t worry we are going to find out who is doing it” said Rian, I looked over to where Zack was standing but he was gone, I was never going to tell Zack. I was just going to get close to him and be his friend, I knew that was all I could ever be to him but now that was never going to happen. The bell rang, I waved goodbye to Rian and walked to my first period class, I just wanted this day to be over. When lunch time rolled around, I walked with my tray to the table where Alex was sitting with Jack and Rian, they all smiled at me as I sat down, I smiled back.
“So, how have you been handling today?” asked Alex concerned.
“Fine, so far. No one has really sad anything to me, they are all scared Rian will beat them up” I said looking at Rian who just shrugged.
“You do what you have to do” said Rian, I looked over to the table where Zack was sitting with Elizabeth and some other people, he looked up at me with an unreadable expression on his face, I didn’t know what to feel, I forced a smile, some girl looked over at me and gave me a death glare, I quickly turned back to my food, I didn’t look back over there, I just played with my food and didn’t look at Zack again anytime I saw him, I felt rejected, I knew it would happen just didn’t know it would hurt this bad.
I read the screen what seemed like a million times, this couldn’t be the very first page of my journal, this couldn’t be on the school’s blog site, this could not be real, it was all a dream. I just sat there, I heard Elizabeth saying my name over the phone, but I hung up on her. I looked at the bottom of the screen, Views: 340, 340 people have already seen this, 340 people knew two of my biggest secret, including but not limited to, Zack Merrick. I didn’t even notice Alex behind me, he spun around my chair and looked at me, his eyes looking for something in mine.
“Are you ok?” asked Alex, I didn’t know how to answer that, I didn’t feel anything, I was terrified and numb.
“I’m dead” was all I could muster, Alex shook his head.
“No, it’s not that big of a deal. I will find out who did this and kick their ass. Don’t worry nothing is going to happen to you”
“Zack will see this, Elizabeth can’t stop him forever. He will knew, everyone will know”
“And so, no one is going to say shit to you, I will protect you” said Alex, but I didn’t know if I could believe him, he couldn’t protect me from this, no one could.
“I want to just go to sleep” I said walking towards my bed, I didn’t bother taking of my shoes or clothes as I slipped under my blankets, I pulled them over my head, I wanted to block out the entire world, there was no way I could go to school tomorrow, everything was going to suck, my life was so fucking over.
I sat outside in my car, I didn’t want to go inside the school but I knew that I had too; I slowly escaped my car and walked inside, people in the hall stared at me and whispered to their friends. I knew that it was all about me, I saw Zack standing at the end of the hall, he was putting a book in his locker. I prayed that he didn’t look my way, I couldn’t bear the look that I knew was going to be on his face, that look of disgust, he did look up at me but it wasn’t disgust on his face, it was confusion. I looked away and opened up my locker, inside was a folded up piece of paper, I opened it.
Check the blog tonight @ Midnight
That was all the letter said, typed letters that brought fear to me, I knew that it was just going to be more entries of my journal. Why was someone doing this to me? Was it because I was gay? Or did it have something to do with Zack?
“You ok?” came a familiar voice, I turned to see Rian standing there.
“No” I said shaking my head.
“Fag” said some jock in a letterman jacket as he passed by me.
“What did you just call him?” asked Rian, the jock stopped and looked at him.
“A fag, got a problem with that Dawson?” asked the jock, Rian answered by punching the jock in the nose, I was shocked, why was Rian standing up for me he barely even knew me.
“Don’t call him that again” said Rian to the bloody nose jock, I looked at Rian curiously.
“You didn’t have to do that” I said, happy that he did it.
“I hate bullies” said Rian with a smile, I smiled back
“I just don’t get it, Rian. Why is someone doing this shit to me, I haven’t done anything to anyone” I said with a sigh, he shrugged.
“People are stupid, don’t worry we are going to find out who is doing it” said Rian, I looked over to where Zack was standing but he was gone, I was never going to tell Zack. I was just going to get close to him and be his friend, I knew that was all I could ever be to him but now that was never going to happen. The bell rang, I waved goodbye to Rian and walked to my first period class, I just wanted this day to be over. When lunch time rolled around, I walked with my tray to the table where Alex was sitting with Jack and Rian, they all smiled at me as I sat down, I smiled back.
“So, how have you been handling today?” asked Alex concerned.
“Fine, so far. No one has really sad anything to me, they are all scared Rian will beat them up” I said looking at Rian who just shrugged.
“You do what you have to do” said Rian, I looked over to the table where Zack was sitting with Elizabeth and some other people, he looked up at me with an unreadable expression on his face, I didn’t know what to feel, I forced a smile, some girl looked over at me and gave me a death glare, I quickly turned back to my food, I didn’t look back over there, I just played with my food and didn’t look at Zack again anytime I saw him, I felt rejected, I knew it would happen just didn’t know it would hurt this bad.