It Takes More

“Parker, please let me in,” I begged, standing outside of his and Asher’s apartment.

“I’m sorry, Elena. He doesn’t want to see you.”

“Please,” I cried. He shrugged, a sympathetic smile on his lips. “Never mind, Parker. Thanks anyway.” I turned on my heel and walked slowly back down the deserted sidewalk.

Walking back into my apartment, I chucked the flats I had hurriedly slipped into before across the foyer. “Is that you Elena?” Marla called as she barreled down the hall.

“Y-yeah, Mar. It’s me,” I answered weakly.

“Oh, ‘Lena. Come here.” She engulfed me in a hug and I burrowed my tear stained face into her shoulder. “Shh… It’ll be okay, I promise.”

“N-no it’s not. Every t-thing is so messed u-up,” I stammered through my sobs. “Why did I have to go and screw it up?”

“You didn’t. Alex did,” she reasoned.

I shook my head vehemently, pulling out of Marla’s grasp. “Yeah, but so did I. Sure, he came here and shook everything up, but I’m the one who screwed up—royally.” I paused, looking my best friend in the eye. “I slept with him, Mar.”

“No,” she whispered, disbelievingly. “You didn’t.”

“But I did. Now what do I do? Ash hates me, he wont even talk to me. And I pushed Alex away. I don’t know what to do, Mar. What am I supposed to do?”

“Elena. Who do you love?”

“W-what?”

“Who do you love?”

“That’s not a fair question.” I pointed my finger at her chest. “You know I can’t answer that.”

“Okay. How ‘bout this? Who do you love more?”

“I-I, I have to go,” I mumbled as I bent to pick up my discarded shoes before exit my apartment for the second time that day.



I sat in the pouring rain on a park bench. I was drenched from head to toe, not a dry patch of clothing left on my body. I leaned my head back to rest on the back of the bench, letting the raindrops hit my face, mixing with my tears still resting on my cheeks.

“Is this seat taken?” I didn’t have to move to know the voice belonged to Asher.

“How’d you find me?” I asked instead of answering as I lifted my head to take in the sight of my boyfriend standing in front of me, a large umbrella overhead.

“Wild guess.” He attempted a smile before taking the empty, soaked, seat beside me. “So…”

I nodded, “Ash, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, his voice clipped. Gulping, I nodded again. “I just—I should have put it together. I’m so stupid.” He sighed.

“No, Ash. This isn’t your fault. It’s all mine. I should have told you about Alex, before.”

“Then why didn’t you? I mean, I knew you weren’t always telling me everything. I just didn’t think it was about an ex-boyfriend, or whoever he is,” Asher trailed off.

“You’re right. So, can I tell you now?” I asked tentatively, watching his features carefully. He masked his emotions as he nodded lifelessly. “Okay, I don’t really know where to start,” I admitted.

“You said he was your brother’s friend. Is that part true?”

“Yes. Jack and Alex have been best friends since they were toddlers. He’s been around my whole life—well, up until a few years ago, I guess. He was always kind of like another brother, until high school.” I laughed humorlessly. “I had the biggest crush on him. No one knew. Well, except for Marla—she knows everything, it seems.

“Long story short—we ended up dating for awhile during my sophomore year. But him and Jack graduated at the end of the year and they both left to tour.”

“Tour?” Asher asked, stopping my recollection of events. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot,” I mumbled, remembering that Asher didn’t know about Jack’s band. “Jack, Alex, and a couple of their friends are in a band. They started in high school, and have pretty much toured non-stop since.”

Asher nodded, waiting for me to continue. “Well, that’s the last time I saw Alex, until last week. He never came to visit, nor did he attempt to keep in touch. Marla and I moved here because I couldn’t stand staying in Maryland, where everyone ditched me.”

“Okay. So, I’m guessing he finally decided to come see you?” Ash prompted when I stopped talking and just stared out into the wall of raindrops around us.

“Not exactly. The band is on a break before they start recording their next album, and Alex followed Jack out here. Jack never told him that I lived here, so he had no idea he’d run into me.”

“But he did,” he added into the silence.

“Yeah,” I answered slowly. “I told him to leave me alone, apparently I’m still not over him just up and leaving. But he didn’t want to listen. Last night,” I started, unsure of how to continue.

“You weren’t over him at all were you?” he asked, not meeting my eyes. When I didn’t answer, mulling over the idea in the silence, he rephrased. “You still aren’t over him?” He turned slowly, his eyes burning into my own. Nodding he stood. “Right. I’m gonna go—”

“No, Ash. Wait, please.” I stood too, reaching out to grasp his hand. He faced me, our noses less than an inch apart. I could see the change in his once bright blue eyes; they weren’t bright or happy, shining or playful. Instead they had glazed over, like a thin veil had been placed over them, dulling not only the color, but also every optimistic emotion.

“Please don’t make this harder, Ellie.” Though I could see the tension in his jaw from trying to control his voice and emotions, his words were shaky. “You need to figure this situation out. I can’t stay and watch—it’ll kill me. I love you, Ellie. I do. But, please let me be for a while, okay? Just promise me one thing?” I nodded slowly, questioning him with my eyes. “Pick the one who’s right for you. The one you can’t live without. The one who’ll make you happy. Don’t come back to me because you feel guilty. And, God, please don’t go to him just because you think you should. I want you to be happy; I want you to be in love. Sure, I’d love that to be me. But I think I know that it won’t be.”

He kissed my forehead gently, lingering for a moment before turning away without so much as a goodbye. “Ash!” I called into the rain, but received no response.