Papercut

I've got to find my way back
Retrace my steps
So I can prove to you that I'm alive
Crawling my way back to the place I know that's meant for me
to find my way back
To find my way back home

I sat on the couch, and twiddled my fingers waiting for Brady’s arrival home. I hadn’t spoken to him since we were taken to the police station, and my nervousness was growing with every tick of the clock. I heard the door unlatch, and my eyes snapped up in it’s direction.

“Hey babe,” I said with a smile while walking over to greet Brady.

“Hey baby,” he said leaning in to give me a kiss.

“How about you go shower and shave, and I’ll make us a nice lunch?” I said making sure to please him.

He nodded, and disappeared into the bedroom. I went to the kitchen, and pulled out all the ingredients for his favorite pasta. I worked diligently, and heard him sit on the barstool by the counter. While everything simmered and cook, we caught up on what had happened the previous week. He told me about his time in jail, and promised that he would never do what he did to me again. I gave him a smile, but in my heart I knew it was a lie. He had told me the same thing hundreds of times.

We ate the pasta silently, and when we were done, he went to the living room, leaving me to clean up. I chose to wash the dishes by hand, so I could have a little more time to myself, before joining Brady on the couch.

“I’ve missed you,” he said slinging his arm around me and bringing me into him.

“I missed you too,” I said snuggling into him as well.

He leaned down to give me a kiss, and I obliged almost happily. Things, like normal, got heated quickly and he was soon carrying me to the bedroom, and stripping me down. I pretended to be as into it as him, but inside I felt disgusting. I never liked having sex with him, he was always too rough, and only cared about himself.

“Who the fuck is Josh?” Brady ask stopping mid-thrust and harshly grabbing my shoulders.

“What are you talking about?” I said struggling under his grip.

“You just moaned out Josh,” he said growing angrier, “Who the fuck is Josh? Are you cheating on me? You fucking bitch.”

I didn’t get a chance to explain my story, before I was pinned to the bed with him choking me. I gasped for breath, and thrashed around trying to break free. I finally brought my knee up into his crotch, causing him to groan in pain and roll off of me. I scrambled off of the bed, and tried to dash for my phone, but was pulled back by my hair.

“You really think I’d let you get away that easy, bitch?” he hissed in my ear as he tugged my hair, “I’ll teach you to moan another guys name.”

He pushed me back against the wall, and hit me with all of this strength. I held back my tears, knowing they would only make him hit me harder, and let him unleash his usual beating on me.

When he was finally done, he left me to slump against the wall. He pulled on his clothes, and informed me he was going drinking before leaving the apartment with a slam of the door. I stayed in my position against the wall, crying, before wiping my tears away. I crawled over the dresser, and used it to hoist myself up into a standing position.

I pulled out undergarments, and slid them on before pulling on sweats and a baggy white v-neck. I slowly walked into closet, and grabbed two suitcases from the top shelf, before piling all of my clothes and possessions into them. When they were full, I zipped them up and lugged them out to my car, before returning into the house. I climbed up onto the counter, and retrieved the few thousand dollars I had stashed in the unused cookie jar, before taking the apartment key off of my carribeaner, and placing on the counter.

The sun was still bright, so I slid my sunglasses on, and started off on the journey that I knew I needed to make. I chain smoked the whole way, and had to compose myself when I pulled up in front of the small house. I brushed my fingers through my hair, before cutting the engine, and stepping into the hot evening air.

I approached the door slowly, and backed up a few steps after ringer the doorbell. I could hear movement and voices behind the door, and prayed it would be Josh opening the door.

I wasn’t lucky, and a happy looking John opened the door. His smile quickly faded when he saw me, and he hollered over his shoulder for Josh with hurry in his voice. He waved me inside, and I stood in the foyer uneasily waiting for Josh. I could hear his footsteps jogging across the hardwood floors, before he finally appeared in front of me.

“I should’ve listened to you,” I said in a shaky voice, before letting the tears spill over my eyes.

I felt my knees buckle, and started to fall before being caught in Josh’s arms. He held me against his chest, and petted my hair as I cried into his chest. I cried until my eyes couldn’t produce anymore tears, but I didn’t want to let go of Josh.

When I finally stepped away, Josh kept his eyes on me, and scanned over all of my bruises. His fingers softly brushed over the deep bruises on my neck, causing me to flinch, before shaking his head.

“You have promise me that you will never return to him,” Josh said sternly, “Otherwise, I can’t help you.”

“I promise,” I said with a stronger voice, “I just knew I had to make my way back to you, so I could prove to you that I’m alive.”

“The rest of the band is in the living room,” he said scratching his neck, “We can hang out with them, or we can just sit in my room.”

“Let’s hang out with them. I’ve missed them,” I said trying to muster a smile.

He lightly placed his hand on my back, before guiding me into the living room filled with the people I had missed the most. They all looked up with shocked faces, and I knew I had to explain everything to my closest friends.