Kerrosine Kisses

30th of June.
I woke up hours later, I couldn’t see much, my vision was blurred, and I had a bad head ache.
I looked over to the chair next to the bed, and saw Gee sitting there, motionless…
“Gerard, are you all right? You look a little pale.”
He just looked at me, his eyes, empty, a bottomless void that I couldn’t see through, and his face…
White like the dead, I was afraid I was going to lose him.
Or had I already lost him?
“Gerard…”
He finally came to life and sent a weak, forced smile in my direction.
“I’m fine sweetie, honestly, it’s just, I need some air”.
As soon as that was said, he stood up, came towards me, kissed me on the forehead and left the room.

I felt like a child that couldn’t be left alone.
As soon as he left the room, a nurse came in to check my blood pressure.
When that was done, a doctor entered to just sit there, and watch me.
I was creeped out.
“Can I be left alone please? I’d like to think and get some sleep”
“Very well miss, but if there’s any problem, just push the button on the remote in your hand.”
“Thank you.”

I didn’t want to be polite.
I wanted to yell in everyone’s face, telling them it was their fault.
But I couldn’t, because it was my fault.
It was my mess.
And I had to sort it out.

30th of June (Later)
“Mum, why is Gerard not back yet? It’s already been 5 hours.”
I was worried myself, but my mum didn’t seem to be that bothered about it. And that bothered me.
“He’ll be back hunni”
Was all she found to say to me.
So much for sympathy towards the ill.

“No mum, he won’t be back, and you know why don’t you?”
I sat up in my bed, getting ready to jump out and go after him, but just before I had time to do so, Gerard walked into the room.
“I’m not back yet? Strange, where am I then?”
He was trying to make me smile, but I couldn’t.
Not in a time like this.
“Where have you been? It’s been ages”
He stared at me with an empty worried look on his face.
“I'm sorry” he looked down to the ground as he sat down on his chair.
I stood up to go see him and bent down near him; I cupped his chin with my right hand and planted a small soft kiss on his lips.

He quickly slid his fingers to the back of my neck and pulled me closer.
He put his mouth next to my ear and whispered
“I think I'm in love with someone else.”
My eyes slowly widened when I took in what he was saying.
I pulled back violently, falling on the floor.
“No, no, this can’t be happening, everything was okay, everything’s still okay, no, no”
My words trailed off into the distance.
How could this happen?
I love him.

Tears streaming down my face, I ripped out the needle from my hand screaming and running through the hospital.
Hitting walls as I lost my balance, pushing people…
I had to get out of there.
I couldn’t bear to see his face, and I couldn’t bear to see his smile, his eyes…his lips…

And then nothing.
I fainted before I even got out of the hospital doors.

<~* End *~>