You Already Know

Lincoln woke up feeling…pretty good. The pain was there, the aching was there, but she was…in a good mood. She couldn’t explain it. She knew she would have good days and bad days, but after so many bad days in a row, she really wasn’t expecting a good day. But she wasn’t going to question it.

She got out of bed slowly, running her hands through her hair before tying it up. She could tell that it was going to be hot outside—well, it was early August in Baltimore. But that wasn’t the point. She dressed at a slow pace, just to make sure she wasn’t over-doing it, and pulled on her customary jean shorts and white v-neck, slipping on her Toms and grabbing her sunglasses. She contemplated texting Alex to let him know that she was going to crash band practice, but she decided she would have rather surprised him.

Leaving the house quietly was easy, as her mother and father were out at dinner. She didn’t have to worry about sneaking out. But coming back, on the other hand, she knew that would be a little more difficult. She made it to Rian’s house fairly quickly, knowing shortcuts was always a good thing. She waved to Rian’s mother as she walked in and made her way to the basement, opening the door quietly. When she heard Alex singing, she knew she didn’t have to be subtle since they probably couldn’t hear her anyway. She paused near the bottom of the stairs, smiling when she saw her best friends practicing.

Alex glanced up and met Lincoln’s eyes, his voice wavering before he stopped completely. It took the rest of the guys a minute before they finally realized why and then it was silent. Completely silent.

“Well, that was awkward,” Lincoln said quietly. “Don’t stop because of me,” she told them before walking to the couch and sitting down, pulling a pillow close to her chest.

“What are you doing out of bed? Shouldn’t you be resting?” Alex asked, the smile fading into a frown as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Lincoln rolled her eyes. “I woke up from my nap feeling rested and restless so, here I am,” she told him. “Please, continue.”

“I think we’ve practiced enough for today,” Alex said.

“Um…we’ve done three songs,” Zack said quietly.

“Three more than we usually do,” Jack said with a shrug.

“Practice some more,” Lincoln encouraged them. “Please? I haven’t heard you guys play in a while.”

Alex sighed. “Only a couple more. I don’t want you to get too tired.”

Lincoln rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’ll get so tired of laying down on a couch and listening to my best friend’s band. Really, it’s exhausting.”

Alex smiled softly but he knew there was no way around Lincoln. He would pretty much jump off of a building if she suggested it. Yeah, it wasn’t healthy. After roughly another thirty minutes of practice, Alex set his guitar aside and walked over to his best friend, sitting down beside her. “Well?”

“I take it you’ve been practicing more,” Lincoln said with a smile.

“Well, someone didn’t give me a choice,” Alex told her.

“I gave you a choice—“

“I meant Rian,” Alex interrupted.

Lincoln paused, her cheeks flushing slightly.

“Joking,” Alex told her, pressing his lips to her cheek. “Want me to take you home?”

Lincoln frowned.

“Or…to my house?”

She nodded. “Yes please.”

“Sounds good.”

Rian looked back and forth between them. “Are we still getting food?”

“Do you wanna get a bite to eat with the guys first?” Alex asked.

Lincoln looked down at her hands. “Yeah, sure.”

Alex looked over at Rian. “I think we’ll just get something to eat at home.”

Rian nodded. “Alright. Same time tomorrow?”

“Yeah, of course,” Alex agreed, standing up and taking Lincoln’s hand.

“You guys sound great. Keep practicing,” Lincoln told them.

“Thanks, Link. You look good,” Jack told her, moving in for a hug before she could say no. “We all should get ice-cream tomorrow.”

Lincoln nodded enthusiastically. “You got it, Jackary.”

Jack smiled. “Good. You two love-birds have a good and safe night,” he told them, glaring at Alex.

Lincoln paused.

Alex punched Jack’s arm. “You, too, buddy. Let’s go, Link,” he told her before leading her up the stairs and to his car.

“What the heck was that?”

“Jack being an idiot,” he told her, opening the passenger’s side door for her.

“What else is new,” she muttered, climbing in the passenger’s seat.

Alex smiled and got behind the wheel, a comfortable silence falling over both of them for the rest of the ride back to his house. “So you’re feeling okay today?”

She nodded. “Yeah. It’s so weird how it happens. I’ll feel like shit when I lie down to take a nap. And when I wake up, I feel good,” she said with a shrug.

Alex pulled into his driveway, turning off his car. He lead her up to his room, shutting the door and turning on his television. “Movie marathon?”

She shrugged. “Sure.” She kicked her Toms off before climbing onto his bed, grabbing his pillow and laying down.

Alex popped in Fight Club, one of their favorite movies, and sat down next to her, resting her head in his lap. “It’s weird to be hanging out in my room for once.”

Lincoln smiled.

“What time do you have to be home?”

She shrugged.

“Your mom…does know you’re here, right?”

“Sure.”

Alex sighed. “Lincoln. Does your mom know you’re here?”

“I texted her.”

“Oh, good,” he muttered, pressing play and turning up the volume.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course you can,” Alex told her, leaning down to press his lips to her temple.

+

It was two in the morning when Lincoln finally gave up. Sleep was just not coming to her and, oh, of course Alex would be sleeping soundly when she could hear every little noise and it was keeping her awake. She looked over at him, sleeping peacefully with his arms around her waist, and she shoved his shoulder.

“Sweet baby Jesus, what’s wrong?!” Alex exclaimed, sitting up straight in his bed.

Lincoln smiled, hands covering her mouth to prevent laughter.

Alex groaned, laying back down. “What is wrong with you? I thought you were dy—“ he paused, stopping himself before he could continuously pick the wrong things to say.

Lincoln looked over at him. “Dying? I am. But no, I just couldn’t sleep. And since I couldn’t sleep, there’s no way I was going to let you sleep. So I woke you up.”

“How kind of you,” Alex muttered dryly.

Lincoln rolled over onto her side so that she was facing Alex. “Hey, Lex?”

“Hmm?” he asked, looking over at her.

“Thank you.”

“For…?”

She shrugged. “This is such a crazy experience, you know? And to have you by my side, it’s…it’s a blessing. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you,” she told him quietly.

Alex wasn’t going to cry. No. He wasn’t. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. “I’ll always be here. No matter what.”

“Thank you,” she repeated.

Alex smiled, the corner of his lips raising ever-so-slightly. “I’d do anything for you.”

“You’ve already done everything,” she whispered. “I love you.”

“What?”

She laughed softly, rolling back over onto her back. “I think it’s always been there, ya know? And all of this…it made me realize that I don’t really have anything to lose.”

“I do,” Alex told her, sitting up. He was in shock, he was elated, and he was pissed off.

Lincoln frowned at his sudden change of mood. “What—?”

“How can—?” he paused, taking a deep breath. “How can you just sit there and tell me that you’re in love with me?”

“Be-because I am?”

“I can’t believe you!”

Lincoln paused, clearly confused. “But—“

“You make me fucking fall in love with you, and I know that I’m going to lose you. And you made me fucking fall in love with you anyway,” he snapped.

“I didn’t make—“

“You did and you can’t even see it. You are the only person who has ever put up with all of my shit. I mean, I fucking learned how to knit to make you smile and—“

“Alex,” Lincoln interrupted.

Alex frowned. “What?”

“Did you have a point?”

Alex sighed. “I fucking love you, Link, and I don’t want to lose you. But I’m going to, and…” he sighed again. “The thought of not seeing you every day is something that I can’t handle. And I’m so angry that we have a time frame. Because no amount of time is ever enough.”

Lincoln felt the tears on her cheeks before she even realized she was crying. She always thought she had a reason to live—just because of the fact that she was so young. But she didn’t realize how much she didn’t want to leave Alex until he had told her that he loved her. It was too much.

She found herself in Alex’s lap, her lips pressed feverishly against his. She knew their time was limited, and she wasn’t going to waste any of it.

+

Lincoln didn’t feel any different. Well, she didn’t know if she was really supposed to. Okay, she didn’t feel different mentally. Physically? Eh, nothing she couldn’t handle. Emotionally? There was a fine line between extreme joy and extreme despair, in her mind, at least.

She turned over in Alex’s arms so she could face him. She pulled the blanket up a little higher, catching a chill. Alex stirred, a sleepy smile on his face, and he wrapped his arm tighter around her middle.

Lincoln smiled, curling up next to him and tucking her head underneath his chin.

There was nowhere else she would rather be, and she realized in his arms was exactly where she belonged.