I Still Remember

“Why did you storm away like that last night?”

Sydney asks me as her, Jared, Jordan, Eric, Tanya, our parents, and I all sit around at the kitchen table. I don’t feel like explaining anything, it’s the typical situation with me, I want what I can’t have. I want Marc, yet I can’t have Marc. “Gina, c’mon, talk to us,” Sydney says as I sigh.

“That asshole ---“
“Morning!”
“Speak of the fucken devil.”

I mumble as Marc and Francesca come strolling into the kitchen. I make an eye roll as Syd gives Marc a glare. Marc looks happy as Francesca looks all put together. Her hair is a light brown and up to her shoulders. “Oh Francesca your hair!” Mrs. Staal exclaims.

“You like it? I can’t die it back for a few weeks and have to keep extensions out of my hair for a bit.”
“I think it looks great!” Mrs. Staal says.
“I think you still look like a train wreck,” Sydney mumbles.
“Marc, why are you so happy?” Mr. Staal asks.
“I came to a realization,” Marc begins, looking at Francesca.

I knew where this was going. I was about to get up when Sydney grabbed on my arm and pulled me back down. I look at Marc and begin to pray to God that he randomly changes his mind about his realization he had. “Will you pretend to look happy, no matter what the out come is?” Jared whispers to me.

“Is that a joke?” I ask him.
“Just do it,” Jared snaps.
“Francesca, you are basically my whole life and I’m grateful for these six months,” he begins, pulling a box out of his pocket.
“Oh fuck,” Sydney says.
“Francesca,” he begins, opening the box and getting on a knee. “Will you marry me?”

A tear rolls down my eyes as I pray to God that she says no and walks out. I catch Francesca looking my way and smiles. “Marc!” She begins. “YES!” Marc gets up and hugs her as I begin to make my way out of the kitchen until I hear someone yell, “IS THIS A GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKEN JOKE!?”

Sydney, this is why you’re my best friend.

“Sydney!” My mom yells.
“No! You’re not supposed to fucken marry Francesca! You’re supposed to marry Gina!”

I lean against the doorway for this argument. I’m trying so hard to hold everything in. The tears, the urge to run up to Marc and kiss him, the urge to beat the living shit out of Francesca, and the urge to tell Marc I love him. “I beg your pardon?” Marc asks Sydney.

“I think this whole proposal thing is a joke.”
“Well good for you.”
“I think your doing this because you blew your chance years ago with my best friend and now your all pissy so your going to go with the trash instead of going after what’s infront of you, which would be Gina.”
“Sydney, shut the hell up with your psychological bullshit,” Marc yells at her. “Francesca and I are getting married whether you like it or not.”
“Well I want no part of the wedding. I’ll come as your brothers date but that’s it.”
“Like I was going to have you be in my wedding anyway.”
“Marc, you want to know why you’re an asshole?”
“Sure, why don’t you tell me.”
“A study shows that you feel remorse and like shit for doing what you did to Gina, so you’re going to go and be the jackass you are to everyone else.”
“Sydney, get the hell out of here.”
“The first step to admitting I’m right Marc is denial. You are in pure denial.”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”
“Screw you Marc Staal,” Sydney begins before walking out and looking toward Jared, who is by my side right now, and I, then adding, “I’ll call you both when I get back to Chicago.”
“No need to Sydney I’m coming with you.”
“What?”

Everyone is looking at Sydney and I now that I made my comment about going home. I couldn’t be here anymore. Thunder Bay was making me realize that I hate this place more than anything else in the world. That this places isn’t my home. “Mom, I’m leaving, I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Gina wait!”

I hear Marc as I run up to my room to pack. The last thing I need is for him to follow me and apologize now. He’s marrying the whore, there is nothing that I can do about the situation. I turn to look at Marc. “Please don’t talk to me right now.”

“Gina, I’m not letting you go back to Chicago like you did last time.”
“Marc, just get married and move on with your life, okay?”
“Gina, please don’t do this.”
“Don’t come after me in Chicago, okay? Get married and move on with your life, okay?”
“Gina –“
“Marc, just go. Go get married, okay?”

Marc sighs as he throws his hands over his head. Marc knows I’m a stubborn bitch and that there isn’t anyway you can change my mind. He’s looking at me as I try to hold everything back still. “Gina, I want you at my wedding, okay?”

“Marc, I can’t, okay?.”
“I’m sending you an invite.”
“You do that, but there is a small chance I’ll be there.”

March sighs and walks back downstairs. A few hours go by and I’m looking out the window on the airplane going back to Chicago. Sydney is sleeping, and the guy next to us is playing with his ipod. I refuse to go back to Thunder Bay, I refuse to talk to Marc Staal and that Staal only, and I refuse with every thing I have to go to that wedding.

With those decisions made, I begin to cry for the whole world to see.