I Still Remember

I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. Syd and Renee left early due to family functions, while I was stuck here in Thunder Bay for the next few days. I look at my cell phone, it’s 10:15 in the morning and I just want to go back to sleep. There’s a knock on my door, but the door swings open, its my mom. This was going to be fun.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Shit she knew. Mom knows all. I was trying to think to myself which dumbass told her about Marc and mines incident four years ago. She sits on the edge of my bed and throws Excedrin and water at me. I sallow two pills down and look at my mother. “So are you going to tell me why you didn’t tell me Marc and you hooked up?”

“Mom, I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“You know, you do a good job of hurting people.”
“So does he.”
“You’re perfect for each other, that settles it.”

I NEVER wanted to hear those words come out of my mother’s mouth EVER again. I sit up and hold my knees toward my chest. My mother is just looking at me the same way she would look at me when I’d get in trouble at preschool for punching a girl over a Barbie doll. “You know, Marc was there for everything for you, and that’s how your gonna repay him?”

“For what mom? He caused this.”
“You caused it too. You know, he never missed on dance recital Gina.”
“I wish you didn’t bring that up.”
“I know he’s the reason why you didn’t try out for the dance team at Loyola.”

Shit, the woman was good. I had the opportunity to be a shoe in for the dance team at Loyola University in Chicago, but after the fallout, I quite dance all together. You’re probably asking why I did this. It reminded me of him. He came to every dance recital, rehearsal, competition, you name it, he was there, if hockey wasn’t there.

“He loved you that much, that’s why.”
“Mom, I will go apologize if it makes you happy.”
“I want you to apologize for your own benefit.”
“What?”
“I’m not making you apologize, I want you to chose that decision.”

I roll my eyes as my mom got off my bed. I see Eric in my doorway laughing at the fact that I looked like a hot mess. Odds are he knew about my outburst from last night. He walks in while my mother walks out and sits on my bed. “Are you here to lecture me too?” I ask Eric, who just laughs.

“I haven’t decided yet,” he replies. “I heard about last night.”
“Did Marc really love me?” I ask him.
“I think that’s for you to figure out.”
“No fair, you’re like my brother, can’t you tell me?”

Erics laughing even harded now as he’s scanning my room. My walls were still pink and untouched. I had posters from when I was in high school of random things like Vogue Magazine covers and movie posters. I picked up the picture frame that held a picture of the four of them, Lindsy, and I when we all went to New York for my dance competition and Marcs hockey game. It was from a long time ago, but I remember Marc didn’t miss the show, and I didn’t miss his game. “So, how bad this I fuck up?” I ask him, rubbing my head.

“You still haven’t changed,” he smiles, giving me the frame.

I take a closer look at the picture, I had a ballerina bun on my head and lots of make up on. Marc’s hair was bleech blonde and my sister had red in her hair, trying to fit in with Jared, Marc, and Eric. I’m on Jordan’s shoulders in the picture, but I remember the whole thing like it was yesterday. It was Marc’s worst game of that tournament, and my worst dance show ever.

“You still look the same, you’re still my little sister.”
“So you don’t hate?”
“Of course not, just…cool it with the alcohol next time, okay?”
“Yes Eric.”

I follow Eric downstairs to see everyone in the kitchen. Marc looks up at me and I look back. I lower my eyes and sit at the other end of the table. He’s really upset. I watch him go to the other room and I follow. “Marc, wait!” I call after him.

Let the fireworks begin.