Status: In progress

Those Who Don't

Remember The Past

Waking up was hard, saw dust lingered in my mouth and a strain to open my eyes caused a dull throb in my skull. Panic flooded my body, I was late. I was usually supposed to be up and about before Him. I flew from the cot, feeling the cold air nip at my exposed body. I was sweating in the night, and the warmth that kept me cozy now made me feel even more ill.

I shook, feeling cold and every step I took I could feel the sopping pajamas press against me and I sniffed. I felt my forehead, it was almost too hot to touch. The rest of my body had been frozen, so I made me padding down the hall a bit slower so the wind wouldn't worsen.
In the kitchen, He had been sitting at the table. Paper in hand, I frowned. I was supposed to get the paper, sniffing the air I realized he made coffee. He must have heard my congested nose because He looked up and saw my pathetic form.

I tried so hard to bow my head, to prove I could work for Him but He just smiled sadly at me. Walking over He felt my head and hugged me close. The sweat made me uncomfortable but He was warm so I cuddled close.

"Follow me." He commanded and I did, he then went into His room and pulled out new pajamas and a bubble bath soap. He beckoned me forward and I went into the bathroom. He then filled the tub, I wanted to tell Him I could do it. I wanted to tell Him that I was well, but the bubble bath was enticing, and I knew He had His duty too. Taking care of me was something we had agreed on, ever so long ago.

Sinking into the bubbles I remembered.

Gerard's house was small, but in such way that it seemed almost cozy. The walls were painted with warm colors and the furniture seemed to swallow you whole and lull you into a snooze. But that was the living room, the room dubbed "The Switch" because as Gerard said under a smoky breath

"Doms love that it doesn't challenge their personalities, Subs love the comfort it brings, and vanilla people can't spot anything out of the ordinary." Smoking seemed to be one thing that Gerard did on a constant. Any other old thing would be changed. His footing, his hair style, hell even his jackets changed by the hour.

He told me to sit down wherever. I picked a fluffy love seat while he chose the leather arm chair. He explained to me that if we were to do a scene together he'd like to know me more intimately. Not just shooting the shit questions, so he told me to be prepared because some seem like an invasion of privacy when he said they were mainly for my benefit.

"Cause the last thing I want to do is to go over the line. Like if being called a slut is okay but if calling you a cunt is totally offensive I'd hate to ruin a good scene by truly insulting you. Besides, you need to learn basics of the community. And it can go deeper too, like if being whipped turns you on but being hit actually hurts. There's a difference."

As he talked his hands flew wildly around, they sometimes landed on my knees for reassurance, sometimes they would tap his own.

"I think I get it, so I guess start asking." I tried to make myself seem as relaxed as possible.

"Have you ever had sexual fantasies about being dominated or dominating someone? Even something as innocent as being like called a name. Whatever you think counts, counts."

I thought a while on that question, trying to blur the embarrassment of the one time I had tried something with my ex boyfriend. It didn't work out, at all.

"Well, I did have this one fantasy about being forced to have someone watch me...get off I guess." I mumbled the last part, remembering my ex's comments about how I needed to see a psychologist for my "sexual dysfunction". I never told any one about that fantasy and I almost forgot I had it.

"Hmm, so you like forced exhibitionism, okay." He started to write a few things down a spiral note book.

"Well, there's also this one thing, but it wasn't really sexual-ish." I had said timidly, it was one thing that I almost obsessed with in relationships. I was told that I didn't need to do something like it to feel loved. But it was something I loved doing.

"I really like doing chores for someone I care about, like I always wanted to be given a list of tasks to complete and see the smile on my lover's face when I do it. I always thought it was some sort of complex."

Gerard was wide eyed, and he nodded looking at the paper.

"Wishing to be subservient, that's right."

"Do you ever feel like you want to let someone else deal with reality and just be told what to do and not have to deal with actual problems in the real world?"

It almost described me to a T, the thought of just quitting my shitty job and being told not to worry. I have had issues with anxiety and it was always easier to do.

"Yes, actually I tried to tell that to my ex boyfriend and he didn't really understand why I was so "lazy".

Gerard rolled his eyes and looked up at me.

"I think I know the perfect placement for you."
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Sorry for taking so long to update.
What do you think Frank's perfect placement is?
Does this reflect the ideas and or truths you know about the BDSM culture?
Have I made anything too unrealistic?

Comments, questions, and concerns will be appreciated.