Cosmic Love

I still sat on the steps contemplating what to do. Damon and Stefan had gone for another stroll. I couldn’t go anywhere, do anything. I couldn’t be around anybody. I could hurt them. But did I want to die?

Like Stefan said, I didn’t deserve this. But what could I do about it? Kill someone? I couldn’t kill someone. It just wasn’t me. Sure people would categorize me as ruthless at times. I wouldn’t stop till I got what I wanted but those times were different. It wasn’t someone’s life.

But Emily said I was important. Of what importance could I be if I’m dead? Does this mean I have to survive? That I should? Important for what was the question.

I looked down at my ring. This ring allowed me to walk around in the day as a vampire. I’ve never heard my father say anything about rings before. It must be something the humans-… I’m already referring to them as something different. Something I’m not.

Would it be easier being a vampire? I felt horrible right now. My eyes hurt, my muscles ached, I felt sick to my stomach, and I had a major headache. Stefan says it’s my body wanting me to feed, to complete the transition. If I give in the pain would go away.

I would feel fine, better than fine. I would feel fantastic. I would be able to see in the dark, hear things from far away, and have that feeling of power inside of me. I would have amazing strength and speed. And I would live forever.

Do I want to live forever? At first it sounds cool. Never growing old, being eternally youthful. But then there are drawbacks. Not everyone is immortal. Meaning everyone I know or get to know will eventually end up dead.

But as a vampire it’s even worse. As a vampire I’d have to feed on blood to survive. I’d have to kill to survive. I don’t know if I could do that. If I could handle the guilt that comes along with it. Would I want to kill for the rest of my life, which would be forever? Do I want to kill forever?

Damon and Stefan don’t want to complete the transformation because they changed for Katherine. Their only reason for living forever was to be with Katherine forever. Now that Katherine is dead they want to be dead too. They don’t want to live a life without her.

I’d be alone when I change. No one going through it with me. I wouldn’t have any sympathy. No one to understand what it’s like. Alone. I don’t know if I could handle being alone.

Emily might help me. She has so far. But would she want to deal with another vampire? And she has her own life. Her own family to take care of me.

Not to mention the fact that we could- I could no longer live in this town. How could I explain being gone for so long? And I’d be dangerous. It’d be dangerous to be around me. Everyone I’d be close to would be in danger. Could I control myself?

These thoughts kept circling around and around in my head. One after the other. I sat contemplating these thoughts all day. Even thinking about the future, my future. Would it get better? Could it?

Once night fell Stefan decided to leave for a bit. Damon and I were weak at the time Stefan left. We could feel our bodies shutting down, giving up. The sick feeling kept getting worse. It kept pushing me to drink, to feed.

“So, this is the end,” I said just to break the silence.

“So it is,” he said staring out towards the waterfall on the other side of the lake.

“Was she worth it?” I asked.

“What?” he asked looking at me.

“Was she worth it? Was Katherine worth dying for?”

“She’ll always be worth it. For her I’d do anything.” The way he said it stopped any room for more conversation. Luckily Stefan arrived just at that moment. But he was different and he had someone with him.

She was a girl, simply dressed with black hair. What was weird was that she seemed really out of it. She kept staring off into the distance. As if not even realizing we were there.

“What are you doing?” asked Damon. “Who is that?”

“I brought her for you. She’s a gift,” said Stefan. “Have a seat please,” he said talking to the girl. The girl sat on the steps in front of Damon.

“What’ve you done, Stefan?” asked Damon.

“Damon, I’ve been to see father. He came at me. I didn’t know my own strength, there was blood everywhere. He was dying and the blood was too strong. I needed it. I had to have it.”

“You fed,” said Damon putting the pieces together.

“Yes,” said Stefan. “And it’s incredible. My body is exploding with Power, Damon.”

“No,” groaned Damon.

“I can hear things from far away,” said Stefan carrying on as if Damon had never talked. “I can see through the darkness. I can move like its magic. And the guilt, the pain, Damon, I can turn it off like a switch,” he said snapping his fingers for emphasis. “Katherine was right. It’s a whole other world out there, Damon.”

“Katherine, is dead, Stefan,” said Damon, struggling to stand. “There’s no world without her.” He tried walking away from Stefan.

“No,” said Stefan grabbing Damon by the throat. “You can turn that off too. You don’t have to feel that pain anymore.”

“I don’t want it,” protested Damon.

“You’re weak, you’ll be dead soon,” reasoned Stefan. “You need this,” he said shaking Damon. “Or you’ll die.”

“No, I can’t,” said Damon still protesting.

“Please,” said Stefan to the girl, gesturing for her to stand. He still held Damon by the neck forcing him to stay still. He then extended his fangs and bit into the girl’s neck. Just two tiny puncture marks. They immediately started bleeding. Damon seemed hypnotized by the blood. I myself felt drawn towards it but was too weak to move and too stubborn.

“I won’t let you die,” said Stefan.

“No, I can’t,” said Damon again.

“Don’t fight it,” said Stefan. “We can do this together.” Stefan brought the girl and Damon closer together. Damon stared at the blood as if in a trance. Stefan stood back to let Damon near the girl.

Pressing his mouth to the girl’s neck he drank the blood that was spilling out of her. Pulling back he had blood all around his mouth. Then he rushed back in for more.