Lolita Love Story

That evening, after walking halfway home with Saikai, Kougou stopped by the shrine at the edge of his neighborhood. It was always empty, though the people living nearby were elderly and claimed to be quite devout. Kougou had never been a particularly religious boy as his strange divination automatically denoted him a sinner in nearly every religion. Despite his hesitance to accept spirituality, he gravitated toward the Shinto shrine that stood abandoned. It was old and dilapidated with plain wooden arches and a trough of cleansing water that had stood stagnant for weeks, but there was something about the quiet little shrine that felt soothing. Kougou lingered under the entrance arch, staring up at the old shrine.

His heart pounded softly in his chest, slow and at ease with the gloomy surroundings. It seemed that he often found comfort in such places. His mother had been similar in that respect, though she could find solace nearly anywhere. Kougou recalled the premonition he saw shortly before his mother's death. The gun was poised at her forehead, the barrel only centimeters away. The perpetrator was shrouded in darkness, as they tended to be in his visions, but a streak of silver light flashed across the vision just as the trigger was cocked. Kougou's mother had her hands clasped in front of her, surrendered completely to her fate and accepted it with a nod of her head.

"I have nothing of worth to steal," she said quietly in her soft, waif-like voice.

The response of her killer was so distorted that it made no sense. And then her blood was sprayed across the tile and her body slid slowly to the floor. The corners of her lips twitched into a peaceful smile as her eyes glossed over in death. The killer stood over her and flipped open a knife, then began to hack at her lifeless body. There was no more blood to spill. The sounds of the killer's knife punctuated the vision until it mercifully slipped into nothingness.

Kougou gripped one side of the arch, supporting himself as his breath came in sharp gasps. His stomach flipped uncertainly, waves of nausea threatening to empty his lunch onto the sacred ground. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead and trickled down his neck and back. He swallowed uncomfortably and focused on not getting sick.

"Child, you are ill, aren't you?" an old woman's voice asked from the entrance of the shrine. He looked up, his head spinning, to see her tiny, stooped frame standing on the top step. She was dressed in a traditional-style iromuji and her face was wrinkled almost beyond recognition. "Come into the shrine, dear, and rest a bit."

Kougou took a few steps closer, stopping uncertainly at the bottom of the stairs. "Do you watch over this place?"

"It seems that I must," she answered with a small, grandmotherly chuckle. "No one else does, unfortunately. Does this place make you uneasy, young one? Ah, I'm sure these old bones can still allow me a seat on this step." She pulled up her long, flowing sleeves and slowly eased herself onto the top step, the long hem of her iromuji covered her geta.

"I thought this shrine was abandoned," Kougou told her softly, still feeling a little queasy. "I'm happy that someone still cares for it."

"You are a good young man," the woman said happily, her old voice sounding content. "None of the neighborhood children are interested in this place. Even the adults have given up on it, people whose families worshiped here for years. The government does not care what happens to this place, and the monks have deserted it long ago." She sighed, though she seemed unfazed by such events, as though it was only to be expected. "Shikata ga nai kana."

"How do you manage to care for this place?" Kougou asked, not surprised at how poor the supposed upkeep was. Such a small, ancient woman couldn't possibly care for a shrine by herself. The wooden boards were falling apart and the paint had peeled off long ago. The only signs of maintenance were the lack of animals and cobwebs.

"I find a way," she said, smiling. "Now tell me, young man... about your sickness."

"I will be fine... it comes and goes." Her small eyes, almost swallowed up by wrinkles and bags, stared at him fondly and without judgment.

"There is something special about you, isn't there?" Her smile was faint, though her sagging cheeks lifted briefly and genuinely. "I understand. I am not quite like others, either."

A strange feeling passed over him then. The old woman felt like she'd been his friend forever. His heart yearned to open up to her. At that moment, he was certain that she shared his affliction.

"I'm cursed," he said softly. His heart ached as he thought of all that he'd lost thanks to his premonitions. Saikai... her beautiful red hair blowing in the wind... He imagined confessing everything to her and the closeness that might follow. He imagined falling in love with her, being loved by her, and a normal, happy life. The images he dreamt of would never come to pass. "I foresee the deaths of people around me before they come to pass. My visions have never been wrong before. I even saw my mother's death."

"It is a most unfortunate gift," the woman agreed, resting a weathered hand on his own. "But all is not lost." She smiled again and peace flooded Kougou's body. "Tell me your name, young man."

"Kougou... Nagasawa."

"Douzu yoroshiku." She inclined her head toward him slightly. "You may call me Auntie Yu. I think it's getting late... if you stay out much longer, perhaps it will become dark. You should head home."

Kougou nodded and helped her stand. Together, they walked down to the entrance of the shrine's sacred ground. "Would you like to light the lantern, Kougou?"

"Tashikani."



"Tadaima," Kougou said to his father, who was sitting on the couch with a magazine. He smiled at his son, and for the first time, Kougou noticed his father's wrinkles. He didn't remember seeing wrinkles on his father's face beforehand.

"Okaeri nasai," he said, setting the magazine aside. "You're back home late, considering what was on the news this morning."

"Yes... I spent the day with a friend. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Not at all. I'm glad to see that you are spending time with others your age... please tell me that he is your age, Kou-kun."

"Actually, father.... it's a 'she'."

His eyes were very surprised, though he quickly recovered and seemed even more pleased. "Sou ka? Will I... meet this girl anytime soon?"

"I-I'm not sure about that," Kougou said nervously, his cheeks blooming with a brush of color. He scratched his head uncomfortably. He knew his father was probably concerned about his seeming lack of interest in the opposite sex, though he would never have said so outright.

"Kougou..." his father said seriously, his eyes taking on a solemn expression, "if you like this girl, would you introduce her to me? I don't mean to pressure you, son, it's just that... you are such a shy boy and there are times that you seem so delicate. I am a bit concerned about you, you understand..."

"Of course, father... I'll keep that in mind." He smiled sheepishly. "I had another of my... episodes today. I'm going to bed early."

"Okay. If you need anything..." he trailed off, looking worried. Kougou nodded and slipped into his room, lying on his bed and letting his mind wander.

Maybe today was a mistake. Maybe he shouldn't have stayed with Saikai. It would complicate things between them, wouldn't it? Spending too much time alone with her would give her the wrong impression. But... it couldn't rightly be called "the wrong impression" when it was actually fairly accurate, could it? Kougou was frustrated with himself for not being able to do the right thing. If he got involved more with Saikai, it would hurt them both. She would be afraid of his premonitions and perhaps it would be altogether too difficult for her to tolerate the episodes and the effects they had on his body. His solemn attitude would certainly bring her down.

But how could he let go of a girl who made him feel something more than emptiness and misery? She had made him feel like a normal person, someone who deserved love and happiness. She'd made him happy. How could he push away someone so wonderful?