Lolita Love Story

As Saikai slid into her seat, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She didn't turn, but Rie slid into the empty seat next to her anyway.

"Sai-chan, what's the matter?" she asked, looking tired and rundown. People hardly paid her any mind these days even though she looked as stylish and pretty as she did before with the exception of her dark circles. She never smiled anymore, and the girls that gravitated toward her before now pretended that she no longer existed.

"I guess I should be asking you that, not the other way around," Saikai said, a little embarrassed at how focused she'd been on her own life and how completely she had missed the changes in her friend.

Rie smiled a little, but there was no happiness in it. "I'll survive."

Saikai couldn't do anything but stare at her friend. She used to be a very delicate person, and relied on others all the time. When they were younger, Rie always had to be the center of attention and she always had to be the most beautiful. If someone else was more popular than her, she gossiped and became very jealous and angry. Rie was a jealous and whiny person by nature. It was strange to see her like this- resigned to being less than the best.

"I'm asking about you, Sai-chan... You know, I'm curious about you and that cute boy. You seem to be friends. Close friends. Did something happen?"

"Nothing 'happened'. I've just been thinking lately. There are a lot of things on my mind that I want to sort out before I even think about Kougou." Saikai set her notes down in front of her. "Rie... things are really complicated right now."

"What do you mean 'complicated'? How complicated could things be between you two?" she prodded. "You know how you feel about him and it's pretty obvious how he feels about you. Come on, Sai-chan. Dating isn't so scary, especially with a guy like him. He's an absolute sweetheart."

"How can you know that?" Saikai demanded in a whisper, looking down at her paper. She thought of what Caym told her- that Kougou had stolen and lied to get to where he was now. She could hardly believe it. But then again, there were a lot of unbelievable things happening to her these days. "How can you know anything about him for sure?"

"Are you listening to yourself?" Rie demanded, her voice taking on an edge. "I can't believe you would say something like that! The Saikai I know would never talk badly about her friends."

Saikai stared down at the blank paper, thinking. Was she really the same as Rie remembered her? After all, Rie had changed so much since the beginning of the school year right in front of Saikai and she never noticed. Perhaps she had also changed. "I'm not saying it to be cruel. These days, people say a lot of things. It's hard to tell what's true and what's not."

Rie was quiet for a while, looking furious and unwilling to speak.

"Ms. Yamaguchi, please return to your seat so that Ms. Tachibana can take her seat as well."

Without saying anything, she returned to her spot behind Saikai. Sadako Tachibana sat timidly beside her in her usual seat. Saikai noticed that Kougou came in late and somehow managed to avoid getting in trouble with the teacher. He looked back at her a few times before the lecture began, but didn't say anything.

Saikai drew some patterns in her sketchbook, tuning out her teacher's lecture. In front of her, Kougou sat rigidly with his hands balled up on the blank pages of his notebook. He wasn't taking notes, either. She tried to imagine two stolen wedding rings in his hand, digging into the flesh a little. She tried to imagine that his anxiety came from wondering when or if he would be caught. But her imagination could hardly form the picture, let alone put Kougou's face onto the perpetrator. She couldn't even imagine Kougou and Caym were friends, even as children.

Saikai gave up, glancing at Sadako. She was a quiet and studious girl. She always got high marks on the midterm and final exams though she never raised her hand to answer questions. She never spoke up about her grades or her knowledge. She was pretty and well-liked despite her silence. Though she would never reach a popular level, she would never be at the bottom, either. Sadako's life at school seemed comfortable, predictable, and unchanging. Things were easy for her, Saikai thought.

But then again, people rarely showed their hardships on the outside. Perhaps Sadako's parents hated each other and fought constantly. Perhaps she had siblings who abused her. Perhaps she had fallen in love with someone and made a mistake with that person. Saikai would never know Sadako's private life, and that was fine by her. But she was a little jealous of how predictable and comfortable it was.

Everything around her was changing. Saikai wished she could have a life like Sadako Tachibana.



When class got out, Saikai didn't wait to leave. She didn't visit the art room, either. The half-finished portrait would only confuse her more. Saikai gathered her things and left school immediately. People in the hallway parted naturally, almost instinctively, without changing their direction or their purpose. They nearly ignored her. She hurried down the stairs and almost ran into someone, but managed to avoid a head-on collision.

"Saikai, wait!"

Swallowing her heart's fluttering, she pushed through the last of the crowd of students and emerged into the courtyard. Without looking back, she hurried to the train station and caught the first train toward home. She eased down onto the seat, forcing herself to look out the window and avoid the faces of students waiting for the next train. Pulling her bag onto her lap, she looked out the window.

Why did things have to be so complicated?

"It's for the best," a voice said in her ear. She jumped a little, pulling the bag closer to her. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is."

"You're out early," Saikai said tonelessly. "Doesn't cram school usually start about now?"

"Yeah, but who said I have to go?" he asked with a small smile. He leaned back in the chair and put his arm around her shoulder casually. She blushed and wanted to push him away, but didn't have the courage. "You know, you're cute when you get all nervous like that."

"I-I'm not nervous!" she said, looking away.

"Okay, whatever you say." He brushed something off of his uniform, looking unfazed. "Do you want to go somewhere tonight?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, still looking at her round-toed shoes.

"We can go out to eat, or maybe shopping, if you would rather do that." He pulled her closer to him a little. "We can go to the movies, the zoo, some gardens, a concert... anything you want to do, Saikai."

"I just want to go home," she said in a small voice. "I don't want to do anything extravagant."

"Why not? You're a princess. Shouldn't you get to be treated like one now and then?"

"I'm not a princess, Caym," she said, sitting up normally. "I'm just Saikai..."

"I think you're a princess. But you didn't answer my question. Don't you have a reason to reject me, at least?" He smiled charmingly, wrapping a lock of her hair around his finger and tugging playfully.

"I can't spend any money," she answered, pushing him away. "I just want to relax."

"You can relax. Let me take you out." He took her hand and looked into her eyes. "Please, Saikai. These days, you seem too serious. Let's just have some fun, okay?"

She looked into his dark black eyes, not totally convinced. The corner of his mouth turned up into the smallest of smiles. She sighed. "Okay."