Sequel: Achilles ›
Status: Updated irregularly.
Beginnings
Dark
Remus sits on the edge of his bed in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey said he could leave a good half-hour ago, but he does not want to see his friends. Specifically, he does not want to see Sirius.
“What are you doing, still hanging about? I’ve got students to take care of!”
Remus jumps, mutters a quick apology and rushes out into the corridor. He glances at his watch; classes have finished for the day. He sighs. Sirius, James and Peter will probably be in the common room, coming up with some kind of prank. He sighs again.
He contemplates whether or not he should murder Sirius. He probably shouldn’t, he decides. James would be most upset.
Climbing through the portrait hole, he takes a deep breath before he enters the common room. His friends are not there. Hopefully they are not up in the dormitory, or at least, hopefully only James and Peter are in the dormitory. Sirius might have detention. He has detention often enough.
The staircase has never felt so short. Too soon, Remus is outside the dormitory door. He wipes his palms on his trousers, takes a deep breath and places his hand on the doorknob. Staring at it for just a few moments, he closes his eyes and opens the door.
Sure enough, the dorm is not empty. James and Peter are sitting on the floor playing Exploding Snap. They look up when Remus enters.
“Moony!” James jumps to his feet. “Pomfrey fix you up, then?”
“Of course she did,” Peter says.
“Good—” James begins, but freezes mid-sentence as the door to the connecting toilet opens and Sirius enters the room.
Remus’s face darkens. “Sirius.”
“Moony!” Sirius says joyfully, though the feeling is not expressed in his face. “Feeling better?”
“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“What, ‘cause of the thing with Snivellus?”
“Oh no, about the socks you borrowed from me. Of course about Snape!” Remus strides toward Sirius much too fast; Sirius backs away. “What were you thinking, telling him about the Willow!”
Sirius looks at James and Peter, eyes pleading, but he gets no help from them. “Moony, it was just a laugh, that’s all.”
“He could have died, Sirius!”
“Since when do you care about Snape?”
“I care if you make me murder him!” Remus shoves the other boy. “You don’t think about anyone except yourself. You always do this, Sirius! You never think of the consequences!”
Sirius places a hand on the place where Remus shoved him, not quite understanding what just happened. “Moony, I didn—”
“Exactly! You didn’t think, as per usual.”
“Moony,” James begins, but Remus shoots him a look and he quietens, suddenly finding the floor very interesting to look at.
“Nothing happened, Moony, it’s okay! Snivelly’s back to being the slimy git that he is, and we—”
“And we what, exactly?” Remus hates being angry. He cannot stand the way his fists ball seemingly out of his control, his nails digging into the soft palms. His face has gone all blotchy, he is sure of it. “What?”
It is an odd sight, Sirius Black lost for words. His mouth opens and closes in a very unbecoming fashion. All the self-confidence, the arrogance is gone and he is just a boy who is scared of the sudden change in his friend.
“What do we do now, Sirius? Snape’s probably telling everyone right now! Everyone will know! It was supposed to be a secret!”
“Dumbledore’s sworn him to secrecy,” Sirius says quietly.
“Oh, well he couldn’t possibly tell anyone, now! Dumbledore’s sworn him to secrecy, fancy that! Let’s all go pop down to Hogsmeade and get some firewhiskey, then! Jolly good show!” A part of Remus is screaming at himself to stop being so hysterical. “Sirius Black has everything under control, thank goodness. I can sleep easy, now.”
James and Peter have left the room, Remus suddenly realises.
“I didn’t mean for him to find out, Remus.”
Remus stares at him. “How could he not find out?”
“I don’t know,” Sirius says, not meeting Remus’s eyes.
“I could have killed him!”
“It wouldn’t have been your fault, it’s the wolf, it’s always the wolf.”
The wolf. Remus half-remembers smashing a chair against the staircase, smashing himself into a wall again and again, biting himself as he yelps, but it is not him, not really. He is not the wolf. “And you think that makes it okay?” He is not the wolf.
Sirius reaches out a hand to grasp Remus’s arm, Remus pushes his hand away. “Don’t.”
“Come on, Moony. Don’t be a tit.” Sirius moves closer, trying to hug him.
“Don’t.” He knocks Sirius’s arms away with a surprising force that makes Sirius stumble sideways into the nearest bedpost.
There is the tiniest bit of the wolf in the way Remus snarls the word and Sirius looks at him with something akin to fear. “Remus?”
Remus sees the look in Sirius’s eyes and it terrifies him. He doesn’t know what to say, so disgusted with himself, with Sirius. He turns on his heel and makes to leave the dormitory.
“No no no no,” Sirius says, finding his balance. “Moony, don’t go.”
“Just leave me alone, Sirius.”
“Please.” Sirius runs after the other boy and snatches his hand. Remus stops and Sirius almost collides into his back. Remus does not turn around. “Moony. I’m sorry.” He puts the hand that is not holding Remus’s on the other boy’s shoulder, squeezing a little.
Remus turns around and Sirius is scared of the darkness in his eyes.
“I am, honestly.”
The only sound in the room is of their breathing. Sirius can barely hear Remus’s, but Sirius’s own is loud and fast, afraid, but he does not move away.
“Please say something.”
Remus holds his gaze for too long before he says, quietly, “I can’t believe that you would do something like this.” He lets go of Sirius’s hand and walks out of the room.
* * *
Sirius has been waiting the rest of the day for Remus in the common room. James and Peter have long since gone to bed. Sirius assumes Remus is in the library, however, he has taken the Map so Sirius cannot check. He doesn’t have the Cloak, though, and Sirius wonders if he should take it to him. It is after hours, and he doesn’t want Remus to be in more trouble.
Sirius puts another log on the fire, prodding it with the fire tongs. Little sparks fly up the chimney. He supposes he shouldn’t have told Snape. It was probably one of his more stupid ideas. How could he help it, though, with Snivellus sneaking around, trailing hem all the damn time? He deserved it, really. Stupid git.
No, he didn’t, a small voice says in the back of Sirius’s head. Moony thinks he didn’t, and Moony is usually right about these things.
Sirius rolls his eyes at himself and prods the fire once more.
He will take the Cloak to Remus, he decides. Maybe this will get him back in the good books. Practically running up the staircase, he rifles through James’s trunk until his hands find the cool, silvery material of the Cloak. He puts it over his head, grabs his wand off of his bedside and hurries down to the common room.
He begins to crawl through to leave, when the portrait opens and Remus crawls in. Their heads knock together and Sirius swears copiously.
“Sorry Moony,” Sirius says as they climb out of the hole. He brushes up against Remus’s arm. “Merlin, you’re freezing! Come on!” He drags the other boy to the couch in front of the fire and kneels beside him.
“Thank you.” Remus rubs his hands together in front of the flames.
“You’re not mad at me anymore.”
“Yes, I am.”
“But you just said thank you.”
“It’s called being polite. You’re supposed to be polite to acquaintances.”
“Acquaintances?” Sirius snorts. “I’ve seen you naked too many times for us to be acquaintances, Moony.”
“Sirius,” Remus says wearily, his head in his hands.
Sirius gets off the floor and sits beside Remus, wanting to put an arm around him but Sirius is not sure if he should and oh, God, what if Remus stays angry at him? A cold fear suddenly lodges itself in his throat and he swallows it with great difficulty before he speaks. “Moony, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. It was stupid. I’m stupid. I am the biggest fool you’ve ever met but please, please, don’t be angry anymore.”
Remus looks at him. His eyes are wide, begging, and just may actually be filled with genuine regret. “I’m going to bed.” Remus gives him the tiniest smile before heading up the staircase.
“What are you doing, still hanging about? I’ve got students to take care of!”
Remus jumps, mutters a quick apology and rushes out into the corridor. He glances at his watch; classes have finished for the day. He sighs. Sirius, James and Peter will probably be in the common room, coming up with some kind of prank. He sighs again.
He contemplates whether or not he should murder Sirius. He probably shouldn’t, he decides. James would be most upset.
Climbing through the portrait hole, he takes a deep breath before he enters the common room. His friends are not there. Hopefully they are not up in the dormitory, or at least, hopefully only James and Peter are in the dormitory. Sirius might have detention. He has detention often enough.
The staircase has never felt so short. Too soon, Remus is outside the dormitory door. He wipes his palms on his trousers, takes a deep breath and places his hand on the doorknob. Staring at it for just a few moments, he closes his eyes and opens the door.
Sure enough, the dorm is not empty. James and Peter are sitting on the floor playing Exploding Snap. They look up when Remus enters.
“Moony!” James jumps to his feet. “Pomfrey fix you up, then?”
“Of course she did,” Peter says.
“Good—” James begins, but freezes mid-sentence as the door to the connecting toilet opens and Sirius enters the room.
Remus’s face darkens. “Sirius.”
“Moony!” Sirius says joyfully, though the feeling is not expressed in his face. “Feeling better?”
“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“What, ‘cause of the thing with Snivellus?”
“Oh no, about the socks you borrowed from me. Of course about Snape!” Remus strides toward Sirius much too fast; Sirius backs away. “What were you thinking, telling him about the Willow!”
Sirius looks at James and Peter, eyes pleading, but he gets no help from them. “Moony, it was just a laugh, that’s all.”
“He could have died, Sirius!”
“Since when do you care about Snape?”
“I care if you make me murder him!” Remus shoves the other boy. “You don’t think about anyone except yourself. You always do this, Sirius! You never think of the consequences!”
Sirius places a hand on the place where Remus shoved him, not quite understanding what just happened. “Moony, I didn—”
“Exactly! You didn’t think, as per usual.”
“Moony,” James begins, but Remus shoots him a look and he quietens, suddenly finding the floor very interesting to look at.
“Nothing happened, Moony, it’s okay! Snivelly’s back to being the slimy git that he is, and we—”
“And we what, exactly?” Remus hates being angry. He cannot stand the way his fists ball seemingly out of his control, his nails digging into the soft palms. His face has gone all blotchy, he is sure of it. “What?”
It is an odd sight, Sirius Black lost for words. His mouth opens and closes in a very unbecoming fashion. All the self-confidence, the arrogance is gone and he is just a boy who is scared of the sudden change in his friend.
“What do we do now, Sirius? Snape’s probably telling everyone right now! Everyone will know! It was supposed to be a secret!”
“Dumbledore’s sworn him to secrecy,” Sirius says quietly.
“Oh, well he couldn’t possibly tell anyone, now! Dumbledore’s sworn him to secrecy, fancy that! Let’s all go pop down to Hogsmeade and get some firewhiskey, then! Jolly good show!” A part of Remus is screaming at himself to stop being so hysterical. “Sirius Black has everything under control, thank goodness. I can sleep easy, now.”
James and Peter have left the room, Remus suddenly realises.
“I didn’t mean for him to find out, Remus.”
Remus stares at him. “How could he not find out?”
“I don’t know,” Sirius says, not meeting Remus’s eyes.
“I could have killed him!”
“It wouldn’t have been your fault, it’s the wolf, it’s always the wolf.”
The wolf. Remus half-remembers smashing a chair against the staircase, smashing himself into a wall again and again, biting himself as he yelps, but it is not him, not really. He is not the wolf. “And you think that makes it okay?” He is not the wolf.
Sirius reaches out a hand to grasp Remus’s arm, Remus pushes his hand away. “Don’t.”
“Come on, Moony. Don’t be a tit.” Sirius moves closer, trying to hug him.
“Don’t.” He knocks Sirius’s arms away with a surprising force that makes Sirius stumble sideways into the nearest bedpost.
There is the tiniest bit of the wolf in the way Remus snarls the word and Sirius looks at him with something akin to fear. “Remus?”
Remus sees the look in Sirius’s eyes and it terrifies him. He doesn’t know what to say, so disgusted with himself, with Sirius. He turns on his heel and makes to leave the dormitory.
“No no no no,” Sirius says, finding his balance. “Moony, don’t go.”
“Just leave me alone, Sirius.”
“Please.” Sirius runs after the other boy and snatches his hand. Remus stops and Sirius almost collides into his back. Remus does not turn around. “Moony. I’m sorry.” He puts the hand that is not holding Remus’s on the other boy’s shoulder, squeezing a little.
Remus turns around and Sirius is scared of the darkness in his eyes.
“I am, honestly.”
The only sound in the room is of their breathing. Sirius can barely hear Remus’s, but Sirius’s own is loud and fast, afraid, but he does not move away.
“Please say something.”
Remus holds his gaze for too long before he says, quietly, “I can’t believe that you would do something like this.” He lets go of Sirius’s hand and walks out of the room.
* * *
Sirius has been waiting the rest of the day for Remus in the common room. James and Peter have long since gone to bed. Sirius assumes Remus is in the library, however, he has taken the Map so Sirius cannot check. He doesn’t have the Cloak, though, and Sirius wonders if he should take it to him. It is after hours, and he doesn’t want Remus to be in more trouble.
Sirius puts another log on the fire, prodding it with the fire tongs. Little sparks fly up the chimney. He supposes he shouldn’t have told Snape. It was probably one of his more stupid ideas. How could he help it, though, with Snivellus sneaking around, trailing hem all the damn time? He deserved it, really. Stupid git.
No, he didn’t, a small voice says in the back of Sirius’s head. Moony thinks he didn’t, and Moony is usually right about these things.
Sirius rolls his eyes at himself and prods the fire once more.
He will take the Cloak to Remus, he decides. Maybe this will get him back in the good books. Practically running up the staircase, he rifles through James’s trunk until his hands find the cool, silvery material of the Cloak. He puts it over his head, grabs his wand off of his bedside and hurries down to the common room.
He begins to crawl through to leave, when the portrait opens and Remus crawls in. Their heads knock together and Sirius swears copiously.
“Sorry Moony,” Sirius says as they climb out of the hole. He brushes up against Remus’s arm. “Merlin, you’re freezing! Come on!” He drags the other boy to the couch in front of the fire and kneels beside him.
“Thank you.” Remus rubs his hands together in front of the flames.
“You’re not mad at me anymore.”
“Yes, I am.”
“But you just said thank you.”
“It’s called being polite. You’re supposed to be polite to acquaintances.”
“Acquaintances?” Sirius snorts. “I’ve seen you naked too many times for us to be acquaintances, Moony.”
“Sirius,” Remus says wearily, his head in his hands.
Sirius gets off the floor and sits beside Remus, wanting to put an arm around him but Sirius is not sure if he should and oh, God, what if Remus stays angry at him? A cold fear suddenly lodges itself in his throat and he swallows it with great difficulty before he speaks. “Moony, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. It was stupid. I’m stupid. I am the biggest fool you’ve ever met but please, please, don’t be angry anymore.”
Remus looks at him. His eyes are wide, begging, and just may actually be filled with genuine regret. “I’m going to bed.” Remus gives him the tiniest smile before heading up the staircase.