Beginnings

“This is it.” James’s voice wobbles the tiniest bit as they walk down the steps to the boats. None of them have seen these boats since the very time they saw them; their first day at Hogwarts.

Remus remembers that day. He had sat on the train by himself and wondered just how long he would be able to stay at Hogwarts. Surely someone would notice that he was different, then the secret would be out and he would be sent home for more homeschooling and no friends.

Sirius nudges Remus in his ribcage. “Come on, Moony. The boats’ll leave without us.”

James and Peter are already in the boat, laughing about something or other. James keeps sneaking glances at Lily, who, when James isn’t looking at her, is sneaking glances at him. They catch each others’ eyes and grin. They have plans to move in together, as soon as possible.

Sirius and himself have never discussed anything of the sort. Remus knows that Sirius has his own apartment to live in, and Remus would like to live in it with him, but ... Remus doesn’t know how to begin to get that conversation going. Will what they have continue after Hogwarts? Sirius doesn’t want anyone to know. They have never told anyone, but Remus is sure James knows. He acts like he doesn’t, but James is not an idiot.

“Do you think we’ll come back here?” Remus says.

Sirius looks up at the castle, towering above them.

“Of course. Where else are we going to send—”

He blushes.

“Where are we going to send what?”

“Nothing.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m going to miss this.”

“Running from Filch?”

Sirius laughs. “Well, yes. But I meant ... just ... everything. The dormitories, the common room. The food, even the homework. And us. Life is just ... life is perfect here. And, I guess, I guess I’m just going to miss it.”

Remus frowns. “What do you mean?” Now is probably not the time, but the words leak from his mouth before he can stop himself. “What’s going to happen about us?”

Sirius stares at him. “That is terrible grammar, Lupin.”

“Sirius.”

“What do you mean? Aren’t you ... Aren’t you going to live with me forever and always and bake me delicious baked goods which are baked?”

Remus frowns. “I have never expressed a desire to bake.”

Sirius bursts into laughter, eventually wiping a tear from his eye. “But, Remus. Do you want to live with me? I mean it. All baking jokes aside.”

Remus could probably reply with some more amusing banter, let the conversation continue until Sirius is begging for a proper answer. Sirius does it to him often enough and it is their usual way when they are discussing things that are important, to create a distance in which there is safety.

“Yes,” he says. “I would like that.”

Sirius grins and hugs him tightly, getting their arms entangled in their too-long graduation robes. Although, really, Sirius’s is the right size, it is Remus’s that doesn’t fit.

“Well, we better get to the boats,” Sirius says when they’ve broken apart. He can’t stop grinning like a fool and Remus knows that his face wears the same expression.

They make their way down to where James is leaning over to talk to Lily and Peter is staring out over the water looking bored.

Remus gets into the boat first and holds the sides to steady himself.

“Squidge over,” Sirius says, and Remus complies. “You don’t get seasick, do you?”

“Not to my knowledge. Why, do you?”

“No idea. Last time I was in these boats I did vomit. But that was because James and I had eaten all those sweets on the train here ... James, remember that?”

“Eh?” James twists to raise an eyebrow at Sirius. “You’ve vomited too many times for me to keep track of.”

“But that was the first vomit, James! Our first vomit together.”

“Alrigh’, now,” comes Hagrid’s booming voice from a slightly larger boat. “Everyone ready?”

Sirius takes Remus’s hand, covered by Remus’s ridiculously large sleeve.

The boats push off from the shore.