Believe Me, I'm Lying

At seven thirty on a Friday morning in mid-October, Alex’s phone rings as he’s getting dressed for work. He’s standing in front of the small closet in Devyn’s room that holds all of his clothes and shoes and he contemplates just letting the answering machine pick it up. But then he decides that he really should answer it because it might be Zack calling to tell him he can’t make it, or something. So he makes sure once more that Devyn, who’s still sleeping, isn’t hanging over the side of the bed like he was when Alex first walked in before he makes his way back to the kitchen.

“Hello?” He leans against the counter, playing with the phone cord and thinking about what he’s going to feed Devyn for breakfast – until he hears the voice on the other end and suddenly breakfast is the last thing on his mind.

“Alex! It’s Josh!”

The sound quality is poor, and Alex isn’t sure why. He figures maybe it’s because of the amount of distance between them or maybe it’s just because his phone sucks. Whichever, Alex can still tell that his brother is happy that he actually answered his call.

“Uh. Hi Josh.”

“You don’t sound very happy to hear from me.”

“No, I’m just tired that’s all.” It’s a lie, but Alex doesn’t really care. He’s not sure why Josh is calling him but it can’t mean anything good. He hasn’t bothered to call for nearly five years. What could he possibly want now?

“Oh, it’s early where you are, isn’t it? It’s nearly nine at night over here.”

“Oh. Cool. So um… I mean, I don’t wanna sound rude, or anything, but…why exactly are you calling?”

“I’m coming home, Alex. For a week. At the end of October.”

It takes a few seconds for his words to sink in. His brother’s coming home. For the first time in nearly five years, Alex will see him. “Wow…That’s-”

“I know it’s weird. I mean, we haven’t spoken for a long time but… I wanna change that. I managed to get your number out of Grandpa when I spoke to him-”

“Why would you even bother?” Alex scoffs, kicking at the tiles on the floor. He’ll be the first to admit that his grandparents aren’t exactly a good subject with him.

“I had to have them email me a few things. I wasn’t on the phone with them for long. But anyway, I’ll be home the week of Halloween. Are you…are you living on your own now? Or do you have roommates or…?”

Alex sighs. “It’s just me. No roommates.” Unless you count a four year old. “Where are you staying?”

Josh laughs, “I was thinking maybe with you. You can say no though. I’d understand completely.”

“I wouldn’t really have anywhere for you to sleep…”

“I can seriously sleep on the couch, Alex. I don’t care. I just wanna catch up with you and you know…fix our relationship, I guess.”

Alex knows he has to say no. He doesn’t have room for his brother at all. His brother doesn’t even know about Devyn. But the fact that he wants to hang out with Alex and repair their relationship hits home because secretly, that’s all he really wanted since Josh left home when Alex was only fifteen.

“I’m sure we can figure out a spot for you,” Alex responds with a smile, feeling just a little bit happier than when he woke up this morning. His brother is the only family he has left really. Besides Devyn. And if he wants to try and get to know each other again, Alex really can’t say no.

- - -

“So what are you going to do? Make him sleep on the floor?” Zack asks, sitting down at Alex’s kitchen table, “He’s going to freak when he sees Devyn, you realize that?”

Alex shifts Devyn from one hip to the other and nods, “Yeah, of course I do. But it doesn’t matter because I’ll just have to deal with his reaction and see how it goes.”

“But I don’t understand where you think he’s going to sleep.”

“I dunno. He can sleep on the couch and I can sleep on the floor in Devyn’s room. And if he doesn’t want to do that then he can find somewhere else to stay. Whatever.”

“Alright… Well, you can always let Rian and I take Devyn at nights and you can sleep in Devyn’s bed or whatever. It’s only for a week and we have that guest room so-”

“It’ll be fine, Zack. And you know I don’t like Devyn sleeping anywhere other than where I am.”

Zack holds his hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay. Just know that me and Rian are here for you. Speaking of Rian, he’s bringing over some things for you to pick from later when he gets out of work.”

Alex nods, glancing down at Devyn, “You sure you want to babysit him all day? I’m sure you and Rian must want to go out, or something. I don’t have to go to the benefit. Actually, I really shouldn’t be going at all.”

Tonight, Alex is going to Jack’s father’s company’s dinner benefit at a hotel in the next town over. He’s not entirely sure what it’s benefiting or what the point of it is at all, and he’s almost positive that being there is risky. But he’s just happy that Jack actually wants him there. However, there’s a catch – there always seems to be one. Jack is going with Ashley and Alex is going as Caleb’s plus one. It’s going to be awkward, there’s no denying that, because Alex has only really met Caleb once. Sure, he was cool when they met, but Alex is going to have to hang out with him and the rest of Jack’s friends. Not to mention, he’s going to have to watch Ashley hang all over Jack. Sounds like a really fun time. Totally.

The only promising thing about going tonight is that Caleb told Alex that he’s going to try and get him and Jack a few minutes alone. How he plans on doing that is beyond Alex but Alex will just go along with it and hope for the best.

“Rian and I will just hang here and watch movies and hang with Devyn. But I have to ask – are you sure you want to go to that party? Is it worth it?”

“I think so… Jack will be there…”

“Yeah. He’ll be there with his fiancé. Alex, I seriously can’t stand the situation you’re in. I… I really wish you’d give him an ultimatum - tell him he has to leave that girl and dedicate himself to you, and not to mention Devyn, and if he doesn’t, then you’re leaving.”

“I can’t do that.”

“It’s not fair, Alex. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to Devyn, either.”

Suddenly, Devyn becomes way more obvious in his arms than he was five minutes ago, and Alex bites his lip, “I guess you’re right…”

“I am right. You can’t just bring Jack, someone who can easily be interpreted as a parent figure in his eyes, into his life and then let Jack pick and chose his responsibilities. If Jack wants to be with you, he also has to take Devyn into account. I don’t see this relationship ending well, Alex,” Zack admits, “Not if he’s going to marry that girl. When he marries her, he won’t be able to be with you nearly as much as he is now and that’s going to not only hurt you, but Devyn too.”

Alex swallows hard, tightening his arms around his son and pressing his lips to the top of his head. He asks, “Do you like Jack, Devyn?”

Devyn smiles and nods slowly, still sleepy from only having woken up a short while ago. “He plays Lego’s with me. And he colors with me. But he doesn’t know how to stay in the lines.”

Although he wants to laugh at that comment, he can’t, because he knows that what Zack is saying is true and he needs to put his son first. He puts Devyn down on the floor and stands up straight again, looking at Zack with a sheepish expression, “I’m gonna go to work now… I um. I’ll see you at three.”

- - -

“So how exactly did you meet Caleb?”

Alex smiles nervously, avoiding Ashley’s eyes and trying his best to stay cool. He remembers what he’s supposed to say, but he’s still a little nervous. “We met at the gym, sort of. He gets coffee from the coffee place I work at every day and then he saw me at the gym so we just started talking and whatever. He just thought it’d be fun if I came tonight.”

Her eyes are now on Caleb, “I didn’t know you went to the gym.”

“Uh well, you know. Exercise. Whatever.” Caleb blushes and rubs at the back of his neck and Alex wants to kick him because he might ruin their cover and then they’re fucking screwed. Ashley looked pretty suspicious when she saw Alex walk in and he really doesn’t want to give her even more of a reason to be.

“Oh. Well that’s cool. Did you know he was one of Jack’s students when you met?”

“No. But um, hey we have to go over there for a second. Excuse us.”

Caleb grabs Alex by the hand and drags him away from the bar and over towards the entrance to the large party room. Alex follows obediently, not saying anything even when they’re both safely outside in the hotel lobby.

“Shit, I’m sorry I panicked,” Caleb says breathlessly, “I don’t know why. She makes me nervous. Plus, she doesn’t really like me to begin with. I just… God, I almost blew it.”

“Caleb it’s fine,” Alex laughs, “She doesn’t know anything so it’s fine. If anything, she just thinks you’re weirder than she originally thought.”

“True… Fuck, I can’t believe I did that. Don’t tell Jack. He’ll – aw, fuck me.”

Caleb pulls Alex in front of him, fingers digging into his arms as he hides. Alex just stands there, not entirely sure who or what Caleb is hiding from. There are a number of people in the lobby. “What are you doing?” he asks quietly.

“Do you see the girl about to go into the room we came out of?”

Alex looks over at the doors, just managing to get a glimpse of a girl in a black dress with dark curly hair, hanging off the arm of some other guy who’s dressed in a suit. They quickly slip into the party room, out of Alex’s sight. “Who is she? And why are you hiding from her?”

Caleb steps out from behind Alex and with wide eyes he says, “She’s Victoria. This girl I’ve been…seeing….”

“You didn’t say why you’re hiding.”

“She may or may not have a boyfriend…possibly…”

“Oh. The one that she was with?”

“Yeah…That’s Alex Marshall…”

Alex narrows his eyes, “Isn’t he your friend…?”

“Don’t remind me. Come on, let’s go back in, I guess.”

“No, wait – I don’t understand. Do you not like him?”

Caleb sighs and shoves his hands into the pockets of his dress pants, “We’re friends. We’ve been friends for a long time – since middle school. But Victoria…she’s… I love her, alright? I do, and I can’t just ignore that. You understand me, right? If anyone was to understand, I feel like it’d be you. You’re in a similar situation…”

Alex nods, even though he doesn’t really want to admit it. Actually, his situation is a lot worse than Caleb’s. Victoria’s not engaged like Jack is. Caleb doesn’t have a son at home who thinks the world of Victoria. It’s a similar situation yet completely different.

- - -

The benefit dinner is nearly over by the time Alex gets to be alone with Jack. He follows Caleb and Martin Johnson, someone he only just met a short while ago, down the hallway of the fourth floor of the hotel and he’s nervous. He doesn’t want to get caught. But Caleb and Martin both assured him that he’d be fine and nobody noticed them leave so it’ll be fine. He can only hope they’re right as they stop outside a room at the end of the hall.

“Here,” Caleb says, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a key card, “This is for you.”

He drops it into Alex’s hand and Alex looks at him with wide eyes, “You got us a hotel room? Why would you even do that?”

“Don’t worry about it, dude,” Martin pushes Alex towards the door, “Just get in there. I think Jack’s already inside. But seriously don’t be too long. Ashley will start looking for him once fifteen minutes passes, I think.”

“Maybe even ten,” Caleb adds. “Oh, and uh, can you not tell anyone about what we talked about before?”

Martin looks at Caleb suspiciously as Alex nods, understanding what he means. He wasn’t planning on telling anybody about Caleb’s secret, but maybe Caleb just wanted to have that little bit of reassurance, or something.

“Thanks guys. I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.”

The second Alex closes the door behind him, he’s being pressed up against it, Jack’s hands quickly working at the buttons of his dress shirt. Alex laughs breathlessly and lets Jack have his way. “You’re a little eager.”

Jack looks up at him for a brief second before going back to the task at hand, which is pushing the shirt over Alex’s shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. “Maybe if you hadn’t shown up looking so fucking sexy in these clothes, I wouldn’t be doing this right now.” He’s working on Alex’s belt know, unbuckling it and trying to pull it through the belt loops of his pants.

“Jack we really don’t have very long-”

Jack silences him by pressing their lips together, his tongue quickly pushing it’s way into Alex’s mouth. Alex sighs and resists the urge to roll his eyes as he threads his fingers through Jack’s hair. They really don’t have time for anything more than maybe a quick make out session, but he’s not stopping. Maybe, he realizes, the idea of Ashley finding out is thrilling. Maybe then everything would work out in his favor.

Continuing with his actions while still moving his lips against Alex’s, Jack pulls the belt off completely and throws it down somewhere beside him. His leg slips between Alex’s as he presses his thigh up against his crotch and the younger man gasps into the kiss. The pleasure Jack is making him feel right now is beyond anything ever and as he grinds against Jack, he decides he doesn’t care about how far this goes. Right now, he’d do anything Jack asks.

Jack is the one to pull away from the kiss first and he unbuttons the dress pants and pushes them down Alex’s legs, his body going down with them. He looks up at Alex from his knees and smiles, his dark hair messy on top from where Alex had his hands. His bangs are still perfectly swooped to the side and Alex would just like to permanently ink this image into his brain.

As Jack slowly pulls Alex’s boxers down, Alex’s heart starts racing and he’s not entirely sure that this is okay. Because they’ve never really done anything other than make out and now he’s getting kind of nervous about what Jack is going to expect from him. It’s been a while since he’s done anything with anyone.

Any thought of anything other than Jack is wiped away when Jack starts sucking on his hipbones, his fingers splayed across his thighs. Alex throws his head back and it hits the door but he doesn’t even really notice because fuck, now Jack’s blowing cold air on his hard dick and Alex just wants to cry.

“J-Jack,” he manages to say, his voice nearly getting caught in his throat, “Please.”

Jack’s listening skills are much better then Alex used to give him credit for, because the second the word leaves Alex’s lips, Jack’s are covering his dick and his fingers are gently squeezing his hips. His mouth is all warm and wet and just. Fuck. He’s got Alex cursing under his breath as he hollows out his cheeks, his tongue pressing in all the right spots.

“God, Jack,” Alex breathes, bringing his eyes from the ceiling back down to Jack, and he sees Jack staring back up at him and Alex can feel that familiar fire building in the pit of his stomach. He snaps his hips forward, and although the action startles Jack a bit, he doesn’t stop. He keeps bobbing his head up and down and pressing his fingers into Alex’s skin and it’s really almost becoming too much for the younger boy to handle.

It’s when Jack reaches his hand around, pressing his finger lightly against Alex’s entrance and pushing in a bit that Alex screams out Jack’s name, bucking his hips forward as he comes in Jack’s mouth. His nerves tingle and he collapses back against the door, and he can hear Jack laughing lightly from the floor but he doesn’t bother to say anything just yet.

“Baby,” Jack whispers as he gets up, arms wrapping around Alex’s waist, “I…” He trails off, sounding almost nervous. He bites his lip and presses his lips to Alex’s shoulder before mumbling, “I love you.”

The good feeling is gone now, just because of those three little words that left Jack’s lips. Alex freezes, his body tensing up in Jack’s arms and he’s not sure what to do next. He doesn’t know how to respond. He’s thought about – thought about the idea of loving Jack. He feels strongly about the older boy, definitely. And he will definitely be devastated if/when this relationship self-destructs. But love? He’s not so sure if he can call it that just yet.

But that’s not even the part of this situation that’s bothering him. Jack just said he loves him. Alex isn’t so sure he believes it. He pushes Jack away and picks his boxers up from the floor, pulling them on as he avoids eye contact with the older man. He knows Jack is expecting an answer but he can’t give him one.

“Alex? Did…did I do something wrong?”

Jack sounds nervous and freaked out and like he’s about to cry. Alex doesn’t blame him, really, and as he sits down on the only bed in the room, he smiles sadly and says, “I don’t know, Jack. I just… I don’t know if I can believe that.”

“That I love you? Alex I-”

With a sudden rush of confidence, mainly stemming from the conversation he had with Zack early this morning, Alex shakes his head. “If you really did love me, you wouldn’t be putting me in this situation. You would have left Ashley the second you realized your feelings for me. But you’re still with her. You’re still engaged to her. And you still pull me along. I’m getting tired of having to share you, Jack.” Alex wipes at his eyes, the water stinging them and he knows he’s going to look like a wreck when he leaves this room. “And more importantly, you’re hurting my son and I can’t believe I’ve let you do that. You’ve been spending time with him and getting to know him. And he loves you. He adores you. And when you marry Ashley, he’s not going to see you anymore and that’s going to break his heart.”

When Alex finally meets Jack’s eyes, he finds the older man standing in front of him, holding his hands out. The blonde sniffles and puts his hands in Jack’s allowing the older man to pull him up from the bed.

“I’m gonna leave her, Alex. I will. I promise.”

“Y-you are?”

“I am. As soon as I figure out the best way to do it, I am. But please, believe me when I say I love you. Because I do. More than anything.”