Believe Me, I'm Lying

“I’ve been doing research on this since Zack called me up before and to be honest, I haven’t really found anything that says you have an advantage over her. I’ll keep looking though,” Rian says, keeping his eyes glued to his computer screen.

Alex nods absently, his arms tightening around Devyn who’s sitting in his lap, eating a bowl of lucky charms. Normally he would make him eat something a bit more nutritious for dinner but right now Alex can’t even think about small things like that when Nicole is coming by tomorrow to “get to know” the son she didn’t want anything to do with.

“I mean, it doesn’t help her case that she wasn’t around at all for four years. But…”

“There’s always a ‘but’.” Alex sighs. “Tell me what it is.”

Rian rubs at the back of his neck as he reads from the computer screen, “She’s got some things against her but um. So do you, if we’re looking at the situation realistically.”

“What do you mean?” Zack interrupts. “How? He’s been caring for Dev since the kid was born basically. How could he possibly have something going against him in this?”

“Well… Okay, first of all, depending on Nicole’s financial situation, the court might possibly find her in a better state than Alex. We don’t know her situation though so we can’t really figure that one out yet. Another thing is the fact that Alex works all day and goes to school at night and Nicole is already done with school and moving onto the serious stuff that’s going to get her a well-paying job and will likely be able to spend more time at home with him. And then finally… Alex is in a gay relationship with a guy who can’t commit and is getting married in one month.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

“Well we just have to fix all of those things so that they don’t make Alex look bad,” Zack says, as if it’s the easiest thing. “I mean, if you cut back on your hours at work, Rian and I can spot you the money. And… well, Jack’s going to have to go.”

Those last few words hurt, Alex will admit. But he knows that Zack is right. He needs to leave Jack. Let him go. If he doesn’t, he’s practically handing Devyn right over to Nicole and he would never forgive himself for that. His son comes first. He’ll always come first and it’s time that Alex starts acting on that.

“I’ll… Yeah, I’ll talk to him tomorrow or something.”

“No, get him over here now and explain the situation. You might not have to break up with him. I like to think that Jack is a good guy and he just needs a really hard shove in the right direction. Maybe this could be that shove?” Rian suggests, pushing Alex’s cell phone across the table.

Alex takes it and stares at it. Devyn still sits on his lap, completely oblivious to the conversation about him. He doesn’t want to let go of him, mainly because he’s kind of irrationally afraid that he’s just going to disappear suddenly, but he kind of has to. So he moves the little boy to the chair next to him and still, Devyn doesn’t remove his attention from his cereal. Any other day, Alex would laugh and find that adorable but he’s a little too busy thinking about a million other things.

- - -

“Are you okay?”

That’s the first thing Jack asks when he steps into the apartment, a worried look painted onto his face. He tugs his jacket off quickly and puts it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs, looking at Alex for an answer. When he doesn’t get anything more than a slight shrug and Alex sinking further into the couch cushions, he continues looking around the room in a search for some kind of clue as to why Alex called him up practically crying.

“Where’s Devyn?”

“He’s sleeping,” Alex says softly.

That makes sense, Jack decides, seeing as it’s after nine. So he sits down on the couch, leaving an acceptable amount of room between him and his boyfriend. He’s worried, definitely. “So what’s going on?”

“I kind of… Need to have a serious talk with you. Remember how you sort of kind of promised me that you were going to end things with Ashley? And I fell for it?”

Jack sucks in a sharp breath. This wasn’t quite what he was expecting, to be honest. “Alex, I’m going to live up to that promise. I am, I just need-”

“Time. Yeah, I know. You said it. But it’s been a month since then, Jack. And now there’s only a month left until your wedding and I’m starting to seriously doubt it when you tell me you love me.”

“Alex-”

“And today Devyn’s mom came back into the picture. She came by and called me on the phone and she wants to talk about having custody of Devyn and if I’m dating you…” Alex pauses, wiping furiously at his eyes to get rid of the tears. He sniffles and looks down at his knees. “If I’m dating you and you’re unable to commit to me and the court looks into that, I’m going to lose him. And I’ll have to fight to get him back and I probably wouldn’t win that. So right now, I need you to tell me if you want to be with me and only me. And that you’re going to break up with Ashley. Soon. And by soon I don’t mean the day before your wedding.”

“Wait, she came back? Why is she… How does she think she can do that?”

“Jack, that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about you and me. Can you please just focus?”

“Right. Sorry.” Jack shakes his head, avoiding looking at Alex. He doesn’t exactly know what to say. Alex must be feeling absolutely awful right now and Jack has no idea how to comfort him. He figures the best idea is just to say what he feels and hope for the best. “I love you. I seriously do and I understand that you have reasons to doubt that. But I swear, you’re the only one who’s ever made me feel this way. You make it actually worth it to get up in the morning and whenever I have to deal with Ashley, I just think of you and think about what it would be like if you were just mine and I didn’t have to split my time between two people.”

He rubs his palms on his jeans nervously, not sure if Alex is taking to this confession very well.

“And Devyn… I love him too. I love spending time with him and I know that he looks up to me a little bit and that he likes when I’m around. He’s an amazing little boy and you get all the credit for that. But I’ve been such an idiot for not putting you two first and I’m sorry that I’ve been stringing you along. But please, don’t end what we have. Just give me a few days and I’ll come up with a way to end the wedding and I’ll be here for you every step o the way – through whatever court dates you have to go to. I’ll be there.”

Jack is practically begging, now, and normally he would feel ashamed of himself because seriously – he’s never been one to beg for anything. He’s never had to. Everything has always come so easily and stayed without any effort from him. But this is important – Alex is important and if he has to compromise his dignity by begging then whatever. Fine. He’ll do it.

When Alex doesn’t say anything, and just sits there and stares at his hands, Jack feels his heart sink. He’s pretty sure that he’s about to lose Alex, the best thing that’s ever happened to him, for good. All because he was too selfish to keep a promise. “Alex, please. Don’t do this.”

“Why should I believe you this time? How do I know that you’re not going to play me again and you’re going to marry her next month and I’ll be alone? I can’t do this anymore, Jack. I have to do something for myself and for my son and if that means that I can’t be with you then… Then it’s something I have to do. I’ve put a lot on the line to be with you, Jack… And if we’re being totally honest with each other, I guess I’d say that I fell in love with you, too. But sometimes that’s not enough-”

“No, Alex, it is!” Jack reaches for Alex’s hands, taking them in his own. “I’m going to break up with her. This week. I’m going to, I promise. Give me a day or two to figure out what to say to her and then what I’m going to tell my parents, and then I’m going to do it. You can believe me this time. I… I’m not going to let you go. I won’t.”

Alex finally looks at him, eyes watery but he seems to be calming down a little bit. His hands squeeze Jack’s and Jack thinks that maybe he’s actually gotten through to him. “Fine, Jack. But seriously, if you don’t break up with her by Sunday, then that’s it. I’m done. And I won’t give you any more chances. Four days. That’s all you’ve got. Okay?”

“It’s gonna happen,” Jack nods, pulling Alex closer. He grabs onto his hips and somehow manages to move him so he’s sitting on his lap. “And together we’ll go through whatever comes our way. Okay?”

“Okay.” Alex’s voice is soft and he twists his fingers into the fabric of Jack’s t-shirt. “For a while, before you came, I decided that I would have to move to New York with my brother if I was going to be able to keep Devyn with me. Rian and Zack offered me money but… I can’t take that from them. They’re my best friends but I can’t take their money. They do too much for me already.”

“You won’t have to leave. Without my parent’s contribution, I still have a decent amount of money that I’ve made from my teaching job saved away. We can get a new apartment that’s bigger and you won’t have to sleep on the couch anymore. Everything’s going to be better. I promise.”

After a few minutes of content silence, Alex asks, “Where does Ashley think you are right now?”

“I don’t know… I didn’t tell her where I was going. I just said I had to go do something. She’s probably left me a million voicemails by now.”

“Do you have to go back home or can you stay?”

Jack smiles and cards his fingers through Alex’s hair quickly. “I’ll stay.”

- - -

At two am, Alex is still wide awake. Despite the fact that he’s curled up on the couch with Jack’s arms around him, he can’t sleep. His brain is working overtime, he feels like, and it’s just not letting him relax enough to pass out. So he lifts Jack’s arms from around him and stands up from the couch, stretching and hearing his bones pop loudly.

The walk to Devyn’s bedroom is short and he manages to stay as quiet as possible as he opens the door and steps inside. His son is sleeping in his bed, exactly where Alex left him. The only difference is that he’s a little too close to the edge for Alex’s liking so he quickly goes over and gently moves him back into the middle, making sure the blankets are covering him enough.

After double checking that he is completely one hundred percent safe, Alex goes to turn around with every intention of going back to curl up with Jack. But then he hears Devyn moving and his eyes open, squinting at Alex through the darkness.

“Daddy?” he says quietly, one hand rubbing at his eyes.

“Yeah, baby it’s just me. I’m sorry I woke you up. Try and fall back asleep, okay?”

Devyn shakes his head, sitting up and reaching his arms out towards Alex. “Can you sleep with me?”

Alex nods, not having the heart to say no. He doesn’t mind at all, really. It’s been a while since Devyn’s asked him to sleep with him or he came out into the living room and asked if he could sleep on the couch too. It’s one of those things that he really only did when he had nightmares. But maybe now he just wants Alex close to him. Maybe he did pay a little bit of attention to the conversations earlier with Zack and Rian and he picked up on Alex’s anxiety. Whatever the reason, Alex would have to be heartless to say no.

Devyn’s bed isn’t very sturdy but Alex isn’t exactly the heaviest person in the world so he figures it’ll be able to hold his weight plus Devyn’s for just one night. The only troubling part is the fact that it’s so narrow. But Devyn doesn’t seem to care. He lets Alex slip under the blankets and instantly cuddles up next to him, resting his head on his chest. Alex stares at the ceiling, trying not to think about what it’ll be like if everything changes.