Believe Me, I'm Lying

The park was not exactly an ideal place for Jack to just leave Alex standing. The distance that he’s had to walk from where he was left to the closest bus stop was much greater than what he’s used to – especially on his own, and especially in the emotional state that he’s in at the moment.

So when he finally gets there, he looks down at his watch, sees that he has a few minutes before the bus actually shows up, and he sits down on the bench. The walk took him only about ten minutes, but it was ten minutes longer than he’s used to and he’s pretty much just about ready to cry. Because seriously, he didn’t expect Jack to just walk away like he did. Sure, maybe he expected the older man to freak out. Who wouldn’t? But walk away? That hurt more than anything.

Alex knew it was going to be difficult, though, he acknowledges as he gets on the bus and looks for an empty seat. Having a four year old and dating. The two things just don’t quite mix together very well. For obvious reasons. But he had hoped that maybe Jack was different – maybe he’d be more understanding of his situation. Especially since Alex accepted Jack’s situation. The fact that Jack is engaged. Alex thinks he took that pretty fucking well.

By the time the bus stops at the bus stop right across the street from his apartment building, Alex is all but beating himself up. He shouldn’t have been so stupid and trusted Jack so easily. He should have been a little more cautious with his heart, because it was more than obvious that Jack isn’t responsible, and Alex shouldn’t have gotten attached.

He shakes his head as he enters the building, pulling his keys out of his pockets and heading for the stairs. He lives on the fourth floor of a ten floor apartment building. If he wanted to, he could take the elevator. But he chooses not to just because he thinks the stairs are quicker. And also maybe because he doesn’t exactly trust the stability of the elevators. They probably haven’t been inspected in forever and he’s definitely not going to risk his life by taking them.

His apartment number is 4C and it’s at the very end of the hallway, which is a good thing, Alex has always decided, because sometimes Zack takes Devyn out into the hall and bounces a ball back and forth to him, just to give him something to do. With the staircase at the opposite end of the hall, nobody has to worry about Devyn trying to walk down them, or anything like that. It sort of gives Alex the slightest peace of mind.

When he walks through the front door, he smiles to himself and he feels just a little bit better. He sees Devyn asleep on the sofa, lying next to Zack who’s got his focus stuck on the small TV in front of him. Alex shuts and locks the door and it’s only when he’s standing in front of the TV that Zack notices he’s home.

“Dude, I didn’t even hear you come in!” he exclaims, trying to look as innocent as possible.

“I’m glad that if someone tried to break into my home, you’d be so aware of it,” Alex teases before bending down beside the couch and running his fingers through the four year old’s light brown hair, “Was he good for you?”

“Of course he was,” Zack assures him as he stands up and stretches, “He’s always good. We uh… we tried to make cookies earlier. But please don’t eat any of them? He kind of just started throwing whatever he wanted into the bowl so I really don’t think they’re going to taste very good.”

Alex nods and stands up as well, “I’ll just throw them away. Thanks for watching him.”

“It’s no problem, Alex. You know that. But how’d your date with Jack go?”

At the mention of Jack’s name, Alex frowns and instantly feels bad about the whole situation again. He smiles sadly at Zack and shakes his head, “I don’t think we’re right for each other after all.”

*

By the time that Zack leaves, after getting the whole story about what happened earlier with Jack, it’s nearly five and Alex starts to get dinner ready. He doesn’t really know how to make much, but he knows that Devyn loves mac and cheese so he grabs a box and starts heating up a pot of water on the stove.

Devyn is in the living room, kneeling in front of the TV. He’s watching something on the Disney Channel, so Alex assumes that it’s okay. As the water’s boiling on the stove, Alex throws the cookies that Zack and Devyn made earlier into the trash can without a second thought. He’ll tell Devyn he ate them all, or something, if he asks where they went. But, chances are, he won’t even notice. He doesn’t notice much. It’s one of the traits he inherited from his mother.

It doesn’t take too long for the small pot of water to boil, and Alex is soon able to pour the macaroni noodles in. “Hey Dev? You wanna help me out over here?” he says, not having to make his voice very loud seeing as the living room is only a few feet away.

He watches as Devyn tears his eyes away from the television screen and looks towards him, “With what?” he asks, rubbing at his eyes and yawning.

Alex knows that it’s all just an act. He’s not really tired at all. He just doesn’t want to help. “I just need you to put the bowls on the table. Can you do that for me?”

The little boy sighs and gets up from the floor, “Fine but you’re making me miss my favorite show.” He crosses his arms over his chest in a dramatic fashion – one that Alex knows he picked up from Zack – and stomps his feet as he waits for Alex to hand him the two plastic bowls from the cabinet.

“Well I’m so sorry,” Alex teases as he hands them over, “Your favorite show will be on again tomorrow, won’t it?”

Devyn shrugs and heads over to the table. He puts both bowls on the table and then climbs up onto a chair- the same one he tends to always sit in – and stares at his father, “Can I stay up late tonight?”

“And do what?” Alex asks, wondering what a four year old could possibly want to stay up later for. “Give me a good reason and I’ll think about it.”

The little boy scrunches up his nose, “I don’t know.” He drags out the last word and points at his father, “You stay up late.”

Alex smiles as he mixes the cheese sauce into the macaroni, “So you just want to hang out with me?” He shuts the stove off and turns around to look at Devyn, “You can stay up a little bit longer. But only because I don’t have work tomorrow. Okay?”

Devyn nods excitedly. Alex only agreed because he knows that his son will probably fall asleep at the usual time anyway. But still, it makes him happy that his little boy just wants to spend more time with him. He’s not home very often recently and maybe Devyn has started to notice that.

After dinner, it’s nearly six o’clock and Alex puts a movie on for Devyn to watch while he cleans up the apartment. It’s small, with only a small kitchen, living room, and one bedroom, but it was the best that Alex could afford with his small income. Zack and Rian, who are both working and making more than enough money for the both of them, offered to help out and help Alex get one with two bedrooms, but Alex refused. He doesn’t want or need anyone’s help right now and he’d like to keep it that way.

With only one bedroom, though, that means that Alex sleeps on his couch. He really doesn’t mind too much, though, because it’s a pretty comfortable couch and he gets a good night’s sleep on it. For the most part, at least. Devyn gets the small bedroom to himself. It was hard for Alex to accept the fact that this was the best he could give his son right now, but he also knows that Devyn doesn’t care. He’s only four, and it’s not like he cares how big their apartment is, or how big his bedroom is.

As he’s folding the small amount of laundry that Zack actually took the time to do for him while he was over, Alex finds himself wishing that he had someone else in his life. Sure, he has Rian and Zack. But they’re busy with their own lives and jobs and don’t need to be spending every second with Alex and helping him babysit.

Alex thought that maybe Jack would be that someone. But of course, as it turns out, the fact that Alex is a father scared him away. And Alex isn’t sure why he thought Jack would react any other way.