Little Jar of Paper Hearts
1/1
I sighed as I went to my locker as school finished. Another day done. I was just that much closer to getting out of this place. I opened my locker ready to grab my books and leave, when something caught my eye that made me pause. Something new was in my locker. I picked up the small clear glass jar with a confused frown on my face. On the outside someone had written in black permanent marker ‘I Love…’ and inside the jar was a tiny red heart cut from paper. I turned the jar upside down, letting the heart fall into my palm. There was a small 1 written on the paper that just confused me all the more. “Hey.” I turned at Mitch’s voice and smiled vaguely before turning my attention back to the jar in my hands. I slid the heart back into the jar. I then realised that there was a post-it where the jar had been sitting. I picked it up and read it quickly, ‘leave the jar in your locker x’. “What’s that?” Mitch asked and I turned to show him.
“It was in my locker…” I said slowly, trying to work out what it meant. Mitch considered it for a second before smiling at me.
“Looks like you’ve got a secret admirer,” he said and I rolled my eyes as I looked away, trying to hide my blush.
“Don’t be stupid,” I muttered as I tenderly placed the jar back in my locker.
“Why is that stupid?” he asked and I shrugged.
“No guy would go to that much trouble for me…” I told him as I closed my locker after a final glance at the jar and the small heart.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Ash,” he said and I rolled my eyes once again.
“Whatever,” I sighed. “You coming over tonight?”
“Sure,” he said, smiling softly. I smiled as well. Mitch was my best friend, we’d been friends ever since we were in nursery – Mitch had stolen my colouring pencils, but we’d since got passed that and were pretty inseparable now.
An hour later, we were lying on my bed watching television. “Who do you think put that in my locker?” I asked softly. I hadn’t been paying attention to the television, but Mitch had and he sighed and turned towards me.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged.
“Well, who knows my locker combination?” I asked him and he shrugged. “You know it, who else? Someone else has got to… Have you told anyone?”
“No,” he rolled his eyes. “Look, Ash, I’m sure they’ll come forward at some point. Just be patient.”
“What if it’s a girl?” I whispered and Mitch snorted.
“No girl would mistake you for being straight,” he said and I pursed my lips as I thought. He did have a point. I knew I spoke in a feminine way and the way I dressed was pretty flamboyant too.
“But what if it is a girl?” I repeated.
“You’ll just have to tell her that you’re not interested,” he shrugged, as though that was the easiest thing in the world.
“I can't do that…” I said softly and Mitch sighed.
“Well if it is a girl, you’ll have to,” he said. “But it’s highly unlikely it’s a girl.” I just nodded.
<3
The next morning, I got to my locker and opened it, biting my lip. I felt my stomach leap when I realised there were now 2 hearts inside the small jar. I picked it up and turned it into my hand. The second heart had a small 2 written on it. Despite being beyond confused, a smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I felt a small blush colour my cheeks. I may have no idea who the hell it was from, but it was flattering all the same. “What now?” Mitch asked as he came up behind me.
“There’s another heart,” I told him around a smile. Mitch smiled down at me, his black hair falling into his eyes as he nodded. “I want to know who it is…” I mumbled as I turned to look around the relatively empty corridor. I spotted a cute guy at the far end of the hallway and for a second, I hoped it was him, but then my eyes returned to the boy standing in front of me and I sighed. If I was going to hope, I was hoping that it was Mitch. I’d been in love with him for years…but he was straight. He’d told me enough times, not to mention the fact that he’s had an endless run of girlfriends over the last couple years. But now someone liked me, me, and even though I desperately wanted to see who it was, I would be patient. I would do as Mitch suggested and just wait until this mystery guy reveals himself.
<3
Every day I would rush to my locker early, trying to catch whoever it was that was putting the hearts in my locker. But I always missed them. It went on for 2 weeks and then on the fourteenth day, I went to my locker as usual, only to find that jar had gone. I hadn’t realised how happy that jar of paper hearts had made me, knowing that someone cared about me in that way. And then it was ripped away from me without any explanation whatsoever. I bit my lip hard as I looked into my empty locker. “What’s wrong?” Mitch asked as he appeared beside me.
“It’s gone,” I whispered sadly. I turned to him to see him looking into the locker as well. “What do you think that means?” I asked softly but Mitch didn’t reply. “Do you think…he changed his mind? Do you think he doesn’t like me anymore?”
“I’m sure he does, Ash,” Mitch said reassuringly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I smiled weakly and nodded even though I wasn’t convinced.
“I never even found out who it was…” I whispered sadly as I closed my locker. “I’ll see you later.” I just wanted to be on my own for a while, face my disappointment alone.
“Um, Ash…?” Mitch said softly. I turned back to look at him. He was biting his lip and I watch as his expression turned conflicted. “Nothing.” I frowned slightly and then nodded and walked away.
I was pretty fed up for the whole day. I hadn’t even been able to meet the secret admirer before they decided they were over me. Maybe if they’d revealed who they were, they might still like me. We could have gone on a date or something. I went back to my locker after school and sighed when I saw that it was still empty. “You okay?” Mitch asked and I shrugged.
“Is it crazy that I’m this upset?” I asked him, turning away from my locker. “I mean…I didn’t even know who it was…”
“I don’t think it’s crazy,” Mitch said softly and I smiled and nodded.
“You coming over tonight?” I asked.
“Yeah, but there’s something I need to do first,” he said. “Give me about an hour and I’ll be over.” I smiled and nodded as we walked out of the school. “Cheer up, Ash,” Mitch said as he slung his arm over my shoulders, pulling me against him. I just smiled weakly. “I’ll bring over some dvds and food and we can chill all evening okay?” I smiled more widely this time and nodded. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, bye,” I smiled and he headed towards his car as I headed towards mine.
About an hour and 15 minutes later I heard the doorbell go downstairs. I would have gone to answer it, but my mum beat me to it so I didn’t bother. A second later I heard Mitch walking up the stairs. He seemed to be taking more time than necessary but I dismissed it. “Hey,” Mitch said softly as he appeared in my doorway. I looked over at him with a smile and then froze as I realised what he was holding. It was the jar. I looked at it for a second and then up at Mitch’s cautious smile.
“It was…you…?” I whispered. Mitch didn’t say anything, just came and handed me the jar with 13 little hearts inside. Then he handed me a piece of paper that I hadn’t even noticed he had been holding. I took it hesitantly and then looked down at the list that was written. Numbers 1-14 were listed in the margin and next to each one was a small phrase, except number 14. I felt my heart racing as I let my eyes scan down the list.
1. Your eyes
2. Your laugh
3. When you blush
4. That you know all my secrets
5. That I know all of yours
6. The way you think too much about everything
7. How beautiful you are first thing in the morning
8. When you smile and the room lights up
9. The way you watch me when you think I’m not looking
10. When you watch movies you hate just to make me happy
11. When you get upset about the little things
12. That I can make you happy again
13. When you try to make me dress better, but we both know I never will
14.
I could feel tears in my eyes and I looked back up at Mitch, who was gazing down at me, biting his lip nervously. He then held up a small, red heart with a number 14 on it and dropped it into the jar. I looked at the jar for a moment, my eyes focused on the ‘I love…’ on the side. He then moved to sit beside me and wrote YOU next to the number 14. I looked at those three letters for a second as my emotions built up inside me.
I looked up again into Mitch’s eyes and finally raised my hand and hit his arm. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were gay?” I asked him. Clearly this wasn’t the response he’d wanted, as I watched his face fell.
“I…I, um,” he cleared his throat, trying to talk past the emotion that was stuck in his throat. “I wanted to…when you came out. But…I don’t know, I was scared. And then…I felt too guilty to tell you because I’d been lying to you for so long.”
“Why now?” I whispered, looking back down at the small cut out hearts. I felt a smile tugging at my lips.
“I couldn’t hold it in anymore,” he told me and I finally let myself grin. I turned to look at him and found he was looking down and staring at his hands intently.
“Hey,” I whispered, nudging him with my shoulder gently. He raised his head and I realised there were tears in his eyes. I smiled at him. “I love you, too, you know.” A beautiful smile blossomed over Mitch’s face.
“Really?” he asked and I rolled my eyes before looking back at the list.
“It’s the only secret I ever kept from you,” I smiled before looking back at him.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he told me and my stomach flipped in anticipation. He slowly raised his hand and gently stroked my cheek before cupping my jaw. He moved forward until he was only millimetres from me. Our breath mingled as we gazed into each other’s eyes. Simultaneously, we closed the gap between us and our lips met for the first time. It may sound clichéd, but there’s no other way to explain the feeling that erupted inside me in that moment than just pure perfection. Mitch and I were just…right. There’d always been something between us ever since we were kids, but this…this was something else. There was a connection between us that had just been unnoticed for the last 15 years. I was kind of annoyed that we’d missed it, but I wasn’t going to stop to complain about why we hadn’t been doing this for the last however many years. I did pull back eventually, however, to place the paper and jar on my bedside table so my hands were free to wrap around his neck as I resumed kissing Mitch. I gently but forcefully pushed him down onto my bed and moved to straddle his hips, all without breaking the kiss. I felt Mitch smile into the kiss so I pulled back to hover over him.
“What?” I asked, blushing slightly. He just shook his head.
“For a small guy, you’re pretty forceful,” he said and I blushed and slapped his chest playfully.
“I know what I want,” I mumbled as I ducked my head to hide my blush. Mitch chuckled and I smiled softly.
“And stop hitting me,” he said as his hands came to rest on my waist. “I thought you loved me.” He pouted teasingly and I rolled my eyes before closing the gap between us again and kissing him passionately.
“I do love you,” I whispered against his lips and he grinned.
“And I love you,” he whispered. It was the first time he’d actually said those 3 words and shivers ran down my spine. I wanted to say something else but Mitch suddenly rolled us over and pinned me beneath him. “I know what I want, too,” he smirked at me before reattaching his lips to mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist as my hands knotted in his hair. “You know…” he whispered, pulling away again. I bit my lip to keep myself from groaning, all I wanted was for him to continue kissing me. “This doesn’t feel weird…I was worried that it might because we’ve been friends for so long. But…it doesn’t feel weird kissing you.” I rolled my eyes and smiled up at him.
“So why do you keep stopping?” I asked him and he grinned down at me, making my heart skip a beat.
“Sorry,” he whispered before catching my lower lip between his. And this time, he didn’t stop for a long time. It was perfect.
<3
Five years later
“You know what today is, right?” Mitch asked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“Of course,” I smiled as I got a bottle of milk out of the fridge for Grace, our baby daughter. We’d adopted her 10 months ago and every day since had been a blessing. Mitch ducked his head to place a light kiss onto the forehead of the little girl sitting on my hip and then pressed one to my lips. “Happy anniversary.” Mitch smiled at me tenderly and then shifted his attention to Grace. He lifted her out of my arms and we went through to the living room. I was surprised to see a relatively large balloon in the corner that had ‘happy anniversary’ written in a flouncy script. I smiled over at Mitch and he winked at me. He was always doing these sorts of things, little romantic gestures. And it wasn’t only on occasions, he often did something ‘just because he loved me’ as he claimed. Every time he surprised me with flowers or anything like that, I would fall just that little bit more in love with him.
“I’m going to put her to bed, okay?” Mitch said and I smiled and nodded.
Two minutes later, he was back in the living room with me. I pulled him onto the sofa next to me and covered him in light kisses. He chuckled softly and finally caught my lips with his. I smiled into the kiss and then he pulled back and grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet. We went into the bedroom and I smiled, I knew what was coming. Mitch went over to the bedside table and opened the drawer. He pulled out a small jar of paper hearts and a carefully folded piece of paper. I went and sat on the bed next to him as he carefully wrote a number 19 in the margin. I leant my head on Mitch’s shoulder and let my eyes scan over the list again. He’d added another one for every year we’d been together.
15. Being able to call you my boyfriend
16. Making love to you
17. Being able to call you my fiancé
18. Being able to call you my husband
19.
Next to the 19, he wrote, ‘Our life together’. Tears pricked in my eyes and I shook my head to try to get rid of them. “I love you so much,” I whispered passionately and Mitch turned his head to kiss my temple. He then took a small red heart out of his pocket, wrote a number 19 on it and dropped it into the jar.
“I love you, too,” he whispered. I looked at the jar, remembering the first time I’d found it. I had hoped, despite thinking he was straight, that Mitch had been the one who had put it in my locker. I couldn’t believe that I was right; I couldn’t believe I got that lucky.
“It was in my locker…” I said slowly, trying to work out what it meant. Mitch considered it for a second before smiling at me.
“Looks like you’ve got a secret admirer,” he said and I rolled my eyes as I looked away, trying to hide my blush.
“Don’t be stupid,” I muttered as I tenderly placed the jar back in my locker.
“Why is that stupid?” he asked and I shrugged.
“No guy would go to that much trouble for me…” I told him as I closed my locker after a final glance at the jar and the small heart.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Ash,” he said and I rolled my eyes once again.
“Whatever,” I sighed. “You coming over tonight?”
“Sure,” he said, smiling softly. I smiled as well. Mitch was my best friend, we’d been friends ever since we were in nursery – Mitch had stolen my colouring pencils, but we’d since got passed that and were pretty inseparable now.
An hour later, we were lying on my bed watching television. “Who do you think put that in my locker?” I asked softly. I hadn’t been paying attention to the television, but Mitch had and he sighed and turned towards me.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged.
“Well, who knows my locker combination?” I asked him and he shrugged. “You know it, who else? Someone else has got to… Have you told anyone?”
“No,” he rolled his eyes. “Look, Ash, I’m sure they’ll come forward at some point. Just be patient.”
“What if it’s a girl?” I whispered and Mitch snorted.
“No girl would mistake you for being straight,” he said and I pursed my lips as I thought. He did have a point. I knew I spoke in a feminine way and the way I dressed was pretty flamboyant too.
“But what if it is a girl?” I repeated.
“You’ll just have to tell her that you’re not interested,” he shrugged, as though that was the easiest thing in the world.
“I can't do that…” I said softly and Mitch sighed.
“Well if it is a girl, you’ll have to,” he said. “But it’s highly unlikely it’s a girl.” I just nodded.
<3
The next morning, I got to my locker and opened it, biting my lip. I felt my stomach leap when I realised there were now 2 hearts inside the small jar. I picked it up and turned it into my hand. The second heart had a small 2 written on it. Despite being beyond confused, a smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I felt a small blush colour my cheeks. I may have no idea who the hell it was from, but it was flattering all the same. “What now?” Mitch asked as he came up behind me.
“There’s another heart,” I told him around a smile. Mitch smiled down at me, his black hair falling into his eyes as he nodded. “I want to know who it is…” I mumbled as I turned to look around the relatively empty corridor. I spotted a cute guy at the far end of the hallway and for a second, I hoped it was him, but then my eyes returned to the boy standing in front of me and I sighed. If I was going to hope, I was hoping that it was Mitch. I’d been in love with him for years…but he was straight. He’d told me enough times, not to mention the fact that he’s had an endless run of girlfriends over the last couple years. But now someone liked me, me, and even though I desperately wanted to see who it was, I would be patient. I would do as Mitch suggested and just wait until this mystery guy reveals himself.
<3
Every day I would rush to my locker early, trying to catch whoever it was that was putting the hearts in my locker. But I always missed them. It went on for 2 weeks and then on the fourteenth day, I went to my locker as usual, only to find that jar had gone. I hadn’t realised how happy that jar of paper hearts had made me, knowing that someone cared about me in that way. And then it was ripped away from me without any explanation whatsoever. I bit my lip hard as I looked into my empty locker. “What’s wrong?” Mitch asked as he appeared beside me.
“It’s gone,” I whispered sadly. I turned to him to see him looking into the locker as well. “What do you think that means?” I asked softly but Mitch didn’t reply. “Do you think…he changed his mind? Do you think he doesn’t like me anymore?”
“I’m sure he does, Ash,” Mitch said reassuringly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I smiled weakly and nodded even though I wasn’t convinced.
“I never even found out who it was…” I whispered sadly as I closed my locker. “I’ll see you later.” I just wanted to be on my own for a while, face my disappointment alone.
“Um, Ash…?” Mitch said softly. I turned back to look at him. He was biting his lip and I watch as his expression turned conflicted. “Nothing.” I frowned slightly and then nodded and walked away.
I was pretty fed up for the whole day. I hadn’t even been able to meet the secret admirer before they decided they were over me. Maybe if they’d revealed who they were, they might still like me. We could have gone on a date or something. I went back to my locker after school and sighed when I saw that it was still empty. “You okay?” Mitch asked and I shrugged.
“Is it crazy that I’m this upset?” I asked him, turning away from my locker. “I mean…I didn’t even know who it was…”
“I don’t think it’s crazy,” Mitch said softly and I smiled and nodded.
“You coming over tonight?” I asked.
“Yeah, but there’s something I need to do first,” he said. “Give me about an hour and I’ll be over.” I smiled and nodded as we walked out of the school. “Cheer up, Ash,” Mitch said as he slung his arm over my shoulders, pulling me against him. I just smiled weakly. “I’ll bring over some dvds and food and we can chill all evening okay?” I smiled more widely this time and nodded. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, bye,” I smiled and he headed towards his car as I headed towards mine.
About an hour and 15 minutes later I heard the doorbell go downstairs. I would have gone to answer it, but my mum beat me to it so I didn’t bother. A second later I heard Mitch walking up the stairs. He seemed to be taking more time than necessary but I dismissed it. “Hey,” Mitch said softly as he appeared in my doorway. I looked over at him with a smile and then froze as I realised what he was holding. It was the jar. I looked at it for a second and then up at Mitch’s cautious smile.
“It was…you…?” I whispered. Mitch didn’t say anything, just came and handed me the jar with 13 little hearts inside. Then he handed me a piece of paper that I hadn’t even noticed he had been holding. I took it hesitantly and then looked down at the list that was written. Numbers 1-14 were listed in the margin and next to each one was a small phrase, except number 14. I felt my heart racing as I let my eyes scan down the list.
1. Your eyes
2. Your laugh
3. When you blush
4. That you know all my secrets
5. That I know all of yours
6. The way you think too much about everything
7. How beautiful you are first thing in the morning
8. When you smile and the room lights up
9. The way you watch me when you think I’m not looking
10. When you watch movies you hate just to make me happy
11. When you get upset about the little things
12. That I can make you happy again
13. When you try to make me dress better, but we both know I never will
14.
I could feel tears in my eyes and I looked back up at Mitch, who was gazing down at me, biting his lip nervously. He then held up a small, red heart with a number 14 on it and dropped it into the jar. I looked at the jar for a moment, my eyes focused on the ‘I love…’ on the side. He then moved to sit beside me and wrote YOU next to the number 14. I looked at those three letters for a second as my emotions built up inside me.
I looked up again into Mitch’s eyes and finally raised my hand and hit his arm. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were gay?” I asked him. Clearly this wasn’t the response he’d wanted, as I watched his face fell.
“I…I, um,” he cleared his throat, trying to talk past the emotion that was stuck in his throat. “I wanted to…when you came out. But…I don’t know, I was scared. And then…I felt too guilty to tell you because I’d been lying to you for so long.”
“Why now?” I whispered, looking back down at the small cut out hearts. I felt a smile tugging at my lips.
“I couldn’t hold it in anymore,” he told me and I finally let myself grin. I turned to look at him and found he was looking down and staring at his hands intently.
“Hey,” I whispered, nudging him with my shoulder gently. He raised his head and I realised there were tears in his eyes. I smiled at him. “I love you, too, you know.” A beautiful smile blossomed over Mitch’s face.
“Really?” he asked and I rolled my eyes before looking back at the list.
“It’s the only secret I ever kept from you,” I smiled before looking back at him.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he told me and my stomach flipped in anticipation. He slowly raised his hand and gently stroked my cheek before cupping my jaw. He moved forward until he was only millimetres from me. Our breath mingled as we gazed into each other’s eyes. Simultaneously, we closed the gap between us and our lips met for the first time. It may sound clichéd, but there’s no other way to explain the feeling that erupted inside me in that moment than just pure perfection. Mitch and I were just…right. There’d always been something between us ever since we were kids, but this…this was something else. There was a connection between us that had just been unnoticed for the last 15 years. I was kind of annoyed that we’d missed it, but I wasn’t going to stop to complain about why we hadn’t been doing this for the last however many years. I did pull back eventually, however, to place the paper and jar on my bedside table so my hands were free to wrap around his neck as I resumed kissing Mitch. I gently but forcefully pushed him down onto my bed and moved to straddle his hips, all without breaking the kiss. I felt Mitch smile into the kiss so I pulled back to hover over him.
“What?” I asked, blushing slightly. He just shook his head.
“For a small guy, you’re pretty forceful,” he said and I blushed and slapped his chest playfully.
“I know what I want,” I mumbled as I ducked my head to hide my blush. Mitch chuckled and I smiled softly.
“And stop hitting me,” he said as his hands came to rest on my waist. “I thought you loved me.” He pouted teasingly and I rolled my eyes before closing the gap between us again and kissing him passionately.
“I do love you,” I whispered against his lips and he grinned.
“And I love you,” he whispered. It was the first time he’d actually said those 3 words and shivers ran down my spine. I wanted to say something else but Mitch suddenly rolled us over and pinned me beneath him. “I know what I want, too,” he smirked at me before reattaching his lips to mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist as my hands knotted in his hair. “You know…” he whispered, pulling away again. I bit my lip to keep myself from groaning, all I wanted was for him to continue kissing me. “This doesn’t feel weird…I was worried that it might because we’ve been friends for so long. But…it doesn’t feel weird kissing you.” I rolled my eyes and smiled up at him.
“So why do you keep stopping?” I asked him and he grinned down at me, making my heart skip a beat.
“Sorry,” he whispered before catching my lower lip between his. And this time, he didn’t stop for a long time. It was perfect.
<3
Five years later
“You know what today is, right?” Mitch asked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“Of course,” I smiled as I got a bottle of milk out of the fridge for Grace, our baby daughter. We’d adopted her 10 months ago and every day since had been a blessing. Mitch ducked his head to place a light kiss onto the forehead of the little girl sitting on my hip and then pressed one to my lips. “Happy anniversary.” Mitch smiled at me tenderly and then shifted his attention to Grace. He lifted her out of my arms and we went through to the living room. I was surprised to see a relatively large balloon in the corner that had ‘happy anniversary’ written in a flouncy script. I smiled over at Mitch and he winked at me. He was always doing these sorts of things, little romantic gestures. And it wasn’t only on occasions, he often did something ‘just because he loved me’ as he claimed. Every time he surprised me with flowers or anything like that, I would fall just that little bit more in love with him.
“I’m going to put her to bed, okay?” Mitch said and I smiled and nodded.
Two minutes later, he was back in the living room with me. I pulled him onto the sofa next to me and covered him in light kisses. He chuckled softly and finally caught my lips with his. I smiled into the kiss and then he pulled back and grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet. We went into the bedroom and I smiled, I knew what was coming. Mitch went over to the bedside table and opened the drawer. He pulled out a small jar of paper hearts and a carefully folded piece of paper. I went and sat on the bed next to him as he carefully wrote a number 19 in the margin. I leant my head on Mitch’s shoulder and let my eyes scan over the list again. He’d added another one for every year we’d been together.
15. Being able to call you my boyfriend
16. Making love to you
17. Being able to call you my fiancé
18. Being able to call you my husband
19.
Next to the 19, he wrote, ‘Our life together’. Tears pricked in my eyes and I shook my head to try to get rid of them. “I love you so much,” I whispered passionately and Mitch turned his head to kiss my temple. He then took a small red heart out of his pocket, wrote a number 19 on it and dropped it into the jar.
“I love you, too,” he whispered. I looked at the jar, remembering the first time I’d found it. I had hoped, despite thinking he was straight, that Mitch had been the one who had put it in my locker. I couldn’t believe that I was right; I couldn’t believe I got that lucky.
♠ ♠ ♠
i like this one... :)comments??