Diamonds Aren't Forever, Dear Lucy

Oli was a magnet for disaster, and always had been for as long as we’d known each other. I should have known that wherever he was, trouble was sure to follow. And I should have known better than to piss him off, that only made it worse. I had done it on several occasions, but the last time was the worst, for both of us, because that was the day I realized that I wanted him.

He had shown up round mine at 3 am while I was home alone, banging on the doors like a proper loon, begging to stay the night because he couldn’t go home in the state he was in. I had to help him into my brother’s bed because he was so drunk he could barely make it up the stairs himself. I sat down beside him on the bed, leaning my head down towards his mouth to make sure he was still breathing, and his eyes popped open. He grinned and mumbled, “Yeh’re a pretty bird, know tha?”

I could feel myself blush as I pulled back. “Go to sleep. An try not to die while youre at it.” I went to stand up but he giggled and put his hand on my thigh.

“Jus stay an talk for a few, yeah? Yeh an me neva talk anymore.”

“’s too early to talk. Lemme sleep.”

“No,” he murmured, his eyes half closed. “Come sleep ‘ere, we can talk.” He scooted back and patted the bed in front of him.

“I really should-“ He cut me off with a sharp tug of the arm and I fell towards him. I relented, lying down uncomfortably next to him, and told myself it would only be for a few minutes. But a few minutes turned into an hour, and after listening to his incoherent rambling that entire time, I finally thought he was falling asleep when he rolled over, and draped his arm lazily over my mid-section.

I waited a few minutes before I inched forward slowly, trying to make my escape, when his arm suddenly tightened, holding me against him. I froze when he nuzzled his face against my neck and then whispered in my ear, “Let me ‘ave yeh, Lucy. Just fer one nigh’.” I squirmed in his arms and turned to face him.

“What?” My heart was pounding and I felt my body throb, and that’s when I knew that those feelings I had been questioning were real, and I was suddenly afraid. Afraid that he’d realize that he didn’t want me, or wake up the next morning and realize it was a mistake, that I was a mistake.

“Let me have yeh,” he whispered again, kissing me softly on my nose as his hand cupped my backside. I pulled away and stumbled out of the bed, leaving him looking up at me, confused and angry.

“G’night,” I mumbled and hurried out. He called after me several times, but I didn’t go back. The next morning he was gone, and when I finally saw him again after that, he would hardly acknowledge me. When he did, it was only to make some snide remark or make fun of me about something. I think it was mainly because he was embarrassed about being rejected, something I knew all too well about. He was drunk about a month later when he finally apologized and everything went back to normal after that, but I told myself that I would never piss him off again.

If there was one thing Oli was better at than bring round trouble, it was partying; he was a party animal; I had known that for years because he, my brother and I often partied together since he was only a year older than me. He could drink, drink, and then drink some more and somehow still stand upright. It was a bottomless pit when it came to alcohol. Me, it only took me a few drinks to make me wobble and giggle like a new born baby, which is why I limited myself at my own party. If Oli hadn’t been there, it wouldn’t have mattered. Except that he was there, flirting with every slutty bird he came across, while his eyes tried discreetly to watch me and Andy the whole night. I wasn’t hands on in public. I hated the whole PDA thing, I would only let Andy hold my hands and kiss me. But because I knew he was watching, and hating every moment of it, I put on a little bit of a show so that he would see that I wasn’t hung up on him.

Round 1 am, Andy and I were dancing, his tattooed arms around my waist and his chest pressed to my back when he finally said something.

“What’s ‘is prob?” he whispered into my ear and I didn’t have to ask because I knew he was talking about Oli. I had noticed him, tucked in behind a few people, watching us intently for a few minutes.

Andy knew something was up between Oliver and me. It was almost impossible to hide it, considering he was just about everywhere I tried to hide at the party. If I tried to escape the balcony for a cig, he was there first, if I wanted to grab a moment alone in the washroom, he was in line before me. It was almost as if he was reading my bloody mind and was trying to make me uncomfortable, and it was working, which was why Andy could sense something, because every time my eyes landed on Oli, and he was looking at me, my whole body tensed and I turned away in a hurry.

“Dunno,” I muttered, twisting my body around and throwing my arms behind his neck so that I could kiss him.

“I don’t fink he likes me,” he replied, looking over my shoulder. “An I fink ‘e likes yeh a lil too much.”

I giggled against his chest, trying to hide the fact that I knew he was right. “Yer jus talkin crazy.” I tried to kiss him but he turned his head away.

“Yeh gunna tell me what ‘appened between yeh two or am I gunna ‘ave teh ask ‘im,” Andy whispered.

I stepped away from him and scrunched my nose. Getting angry and him was easier than telling him the truth. “This really isn’t the place to be ‘avin this conversation yeh? I’m celebrating my graduation. If youre going to ruin it then maybe yeh should jus get outta ‘ere.”

Andy closed the gap that I had created and gently pulled my hips towards him. “’m sorreh Lucy. I don’t want to make yeh mad, but I fink it’s only fair if yeh tell meh. I am youre boyfriend.” His soft lips gently kissed my own as I debated on whether or not to tell him. It really was none of his business, and the past was the past, but I fancied him quite a bit, so I guess it was only fair.

“Let’s go talk outside then.” I clasped his hand in mine as we made our way to the door. We met a very drunk Holly, my best mate, in the hall and she stopped us before we could dodge her.

“Enjoying the party?” she cried happily, throwing her arms around me and didn’t even wait for me to answer. “I fink everyone is ‘avin a great time. ‘cept that bloke Oli. ‘e’s been a right prick tonigh’. Told meh ‘e doesn’t like this one.” She jerked her thumb towards Andy.

“Why would ‘e tell yeh tha?”

“Dunno.” She shrugged her broad shoulders. “’e bummed a cig and then started talkin bout yeh an ‘ow he really fucked up an’ tha’ he wants teh-“ Her eyes flickered to Andy and her mouth shut. “Whateva’, ‘es drunk anyway. Probably doesn’t mean much. ‘e’s been wanting to talk to yeh all nigh’ though.”

“Wha’ the fuck does ‘e want?” Andy said angrily.

“I dunno, and I dun care. Fuck him,” I said loudly.

“Well, if my memory serves me correctly,” his arrogant voice came from behind me, “then yeh did, am I righ?”

“Would you sod off yeh prick! What the fuck is wrong with yeh?” I yelled in his face, but he only smiled more broadly over my shoulder. I turned to see Andy, red faced, glaring at Oli. I reached for his hand put he shook it away and then glared at me.

“So I wasn’t yer first then?” he said angrily. I took his hand again, but Oli, who was the angry one now, reached out and stopped Andy. “I fink I was first in line mate. Sorry.”

Andy snapped and pushed passed me to get to Oli. “Listen, I don’t want yeh round me girl got it?” he spat in his face.

I noticed Oliver square his shoulders and step towards Andy so that their chests were almost pressing. “She ain’t yer girl, got it? She don’t belong to no one, and certainly not a fuckin joke like you! Besides, tha’s gunna be a little hard ‘cause I’m going to be sleepin righ’ cross the hall from her.” He grinned triumphantly as Andy spluttered something out and then stalked off. I went to follow him but Oli had me in his arms before I could walk 2 steps.

“So I see yeh’ve moved on quickly from meh, my pretty bird,” he said gently against my ear, making me shiver against him, and I knew he felt it. “Yeh gave ‘im my sloppy seconds?”

“What is wrong with yeh?” I struggled to free myself from his arms. “Why d’yeh think yeh can be such a gentleman one second, ‘elping me with my shoes, an then be such a dick the next?” I hurried out after Andy, narrowly missing his outstretched arms. When I found Andy, he was sitting in the front seat of his car, staring down at the steering wheel. I opened the door and slid into the passenger seat, not surprising him.

“Please jus listen to me,” I said.

“Yeh lied to meh,” he said calmly, not looking at me.

“But I didn’t, I swear! Jus listen please!”

He turned and looked at my desperate face, then nodded, taking my hand in his.

“Wha’ ‘e said back there. ‘s’not true.. There is absolutely nothing going on between ‘im an me right now.” I squeezed his soft hand reassuringly. “But awhile ago, we were at a party together. We were both really drunk an we just started snogging an before I knew what was ‘appenin, we were both naked an about to shag, but when he realized that I was a virgin, ‘e stopped. Tha’s it. It was just a drunken mistake that didn’t even really ‘appen. An I’m glad it didn’t ‘appen.”

I watched carefully as he processed this information. He didn’t talk for a few minutes, but when he did, he seemed a little deflated.

“So there’s nothing else there?”

“Andy, I promise yeh. I do not wany anything teh do with ‘im. I want teh be with you.”

“I want teh be with you too. I really like yeh. But I don’t like the way ‘e looks at yeh.”

If I was being honest with myself, I almost enjoyed the way he looked at me, but I didn’t want to. We weren’t good for each other. He was just not the kind of guy that was all about one girl, and I was the kind of girl who wanted a steady, serious relationship. That was not Oli, but it was Andy, and I planned on making things work with him.

“Then jus ignore it. Look at me and yeh won’t ‘ave to see him.”

I saw the corners of his mouth twitch. “I fink I can do that. Yer pretty nice on the eyes.”

“Good.” I leaned in to kiss him. “Now let’s get back to the party and ‘ave a good time.”

We returned to the party and the rest went pretty smoothly. Oli was smart enough to keep his distance for the rest of the night, but I did catch his eye every now and then and he had his stupid poker face on again, just like in the den of my house earlier that night. I didn’t let it bother me, because I really was celebrating being free from school, but it did help when he decided to leave before me.

It was 3 when Andy decided he should take me home. He had been responsible and had no drinks because he was my driver, so I didn’t hesitate when he gently dumped me into the back seat of his car. I fell asleep within seconds and felt like I was woken another few seconds later. Andy scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the door. He set me down so he could look for my keys, but had one of his arms securely around my hips so I wouldn’t fall over like a tree just cut down. I pushed him back against the door , making a big thump, and fell against him, sucking at his neck as I worked to unbuckle his belt.

“Uhh babe,” he moaned as my hand reached into his pants and wrapped around him. “Not ‘ere. We ca-” The door opened and we both tumbled onto the hard floor of the front hallway. I grabbed my head and groaned after it hit the floor, and I was only half aware of what was happening above me.

“What the fuck are yeh doin here?” I heard Andy whisper loudly.

“Told yeh mate, I’m staying ‘ere. Now button yeh pants an get the fuck outta ‘ere.”

I heard a scuffle and the two disappeared out the front door. I heard “She’s way out of yer league” and “yeh’ll neva be good enuf for he,” before I stumbled up and out the door, and found them on the lawn, rolling around and fists flying everywhere. Yelling erupted from all of us, but I didn’t quite understand just how much noise we were making until lights of the neighbours flickered on and then a few minutes passed and the sound of a siren off in the distant made us all freeze.

“Andy,” I hurried over to him. “Go, now! I don’t want yeh to get into any trouble.” I pulled him up and kissed him quickly on the lips. “I’ll call yeh in the aftanoon.” I watched him hurry to his car and drive off before I returned to the house, ignoring Oli who was following closely behind.

“Decided to give yeh boyfriend a quick blowjob before ‘e went ‘ome did yeh?” he said snidely, as I marched up the stairs to my room, holding on tightly to the rail so I didn’t fall down. “Lucy, would you fuckin stop for a fuckin second andtalk to meh! Yeh’ve been avoiding me all nigh!”

“I wonder why!” I whipped around to insult him back but I was distracted by his bleeding lip, which he didn’t seem to notice.

“Yer bleeding.” I grabbed a clean cloth from the bathroom and walked over and pressed it to his lip. His hand came up and closed over mine, and my heart skipped a beat as he smiled.

“I though yeh didn’t care about me.”

“I’m not a complete bitch, even if yeh are being a dick to meh” I mumbled, avoiding eye contact and swaying on the spot. “But I do need to go to bed. ‘ere, take it.” I slipped my hand out from underneath his but his other hand grabbed it.

“Lucy. Look at me. Please.” I shook my head, but he gently nudged my chin with his hand and I obliged. “I really am sorry and I will apologize as many times as it takes to get yeh to understand this. I wasn’t good enough to take what you were offering me. I didn’t deserve it. I was just being selfish. But I’ve changed. I did a lot of thinking while I was gone and I decided that if anyone is worth it, it’s you.”

“Worth what?” I breathed.

He smiled and cupped the back of my neck.

“Changing.” His face lowered to mine, and I tried to tell myself to turn away, but I couldn’t do it. I could feel his warm breath hitting my cheek and I longed to kiss him, but just as our lips were about to meet, a loud bang at the front door interrupted us, and I sighed with relief. What was I doing? Even if Oli wanted me, I knew he would never change.

“That’d be the bobby,” he muttered. “I’ll straighten it out. Just, wait here please.” He turned to answer the door, but I whispered, “No. Save it. I don’t want teh hear anymore. Don’t come after meh. I’m with Andy. I want to be with ‘im. Stop trying teh mess things up. You’ll neva be able to change.” I locked myself in my bedroom, and refused to open, and the last thing I heard before I drifted into an uncomfortable sleep was Oli saying whispering through the door that he wouldn’t give up.