Clemency
Jade
My life felt like it had been flipped totally around, like I wasn't even the same person anymore. It seemed bizarre, the idea of making up my finals- which I was allowed to do because of my hospital stay. Those belonged to another world, another Jade.
As soon as I finished the last one, I hurried outside. Being too long in any building made me uncomfortable. The whole time I was indoors, flashes of the fire sprang in my head and my lungs burned with the memory of it. I started to feel like I couldn't breathe and the imagined heat almost was almost too much for me. I was working on conquering this newfound fear of mine, but it was slow-going. Carrick was almost too accommodating and had taken to packing us picnics for nearly every meal. He only made me go inside when it got dark out. It was more dangerous for me now than ever, and I could see that he was never really relaxed. Carrick didn't even trust himself to guard me anymore. He always had another person, two when they could be spared, watching us from a distance. When I asked him why that was, he shrugged uncomfortably- something he'd picked up from me, I knew- and refused to say a word about it.
So I threw open the school door and hurled myself into the safe, welcoming sunshine of a sticky, hot summer day. I let myself close my eyes for a second and bask in the warmth of the moment. A horn honked, making me jump comically high. "Told you she lost it," I heard Nelly comment. I grinned in his direction and laughed when I saw that he was in his signature pink truck.
Nelly had quickly become a close friend of mine. After I was finally allowed out of the hospital, he insisted on treating me to dinner. I had thought it would be awkward, but I quickly learned that nothing was ever awkward around Nelly- unless you called him by name.
"How did your tests go?" he asked as I approached. I had really been hoping that Carrick would be the one to pick me up.
"They were alright," I answered noncommittally. I didn't want to tell him that it had been an effort for me, staying inside for seven hours while I went from test to test. At one point it got so bad that I almost pretended to be a smoker just so I could ask for a smoke break.
But lying wasn't something I felt comfortable with, not anymore.
"I'm just dropping you off today. Carrick's waiting to take over. I have training sessions all afternoon. You're welcome to come along, though, if you'd like." Nelly looked a little hopeful as he said this. I knew that he enjoyed teaching my defense lessons, which were regular now and more strenuous than ever. I thought that it was because he felt like he was repaying me for saving his life. I could have told him that it wasn't necessary, but I knew that he never would have listened to that.
The prospect of seeing Carrick was just a little too much for me to resist. "Actually, I'm still a little sore from last night. How about first thing tomorrow?"
"You've got it," Nelly said eagerly. I grinned at him. He was the biggest contradiction I had ever seen. He was bubbly and cheerful and all-around fun, but then he was also brawny and lethal. And then there was his truck, Waldine. There weren't enough words in all of the languages in the world to describe just how much I enjoyed that.
When we pulled around the massive building that served as headquarters and had been my home for the past month and the first thing I saw was the flash of platinum hair that was uniquely Carrick's.
I got out of the car almost before it had stopped and hollered thanks to Nelly before sprinting toward the place where Carrick and I normally ate lunch.
"Beat you again," I said as I hit the single tree in the middle of the clearing a split second before he did.
"You had a head start." It was always the same argument, and the routine of it helped me feel just a little bit more rooted after a stressful day spent inside.
"Jade," Carrick began as we laid out a blanket on the grass behind the mansion that served as headquarters, "I have something to confess to." I spared a curious glance his way, but was still more concerned with laying food out than with whatever he was going to tell me. I was mentally exhausted and the only thing that had gotten me through the day was the knowledge that Carrick was waiting with a selection of all of my favorite foods.
"Jade, this is serious," Carrick said softly, taking my hand in his and holding it tightly. My heart started racing and my palms, embarrassingly, began to sweat almost immediately. Even though I didn't need to breathe nearly as much anymore, I felt like I was suffocating.
Was this the moment I'd been waiting all my life for, the one where I would finally, finally know what my heart already suspected?
"I'm leaving." A long silence followed during which I couldn't even think, much less move. "Tomorrow. It's not safe for you while I'm here. it was selfish of me to have even stayed this long. You no longer need the protection I have to offer. You have all of Colum's people looking after you now. You're brilliant and strong and you don't have any reason to keep me around anymore."
I drew in one cautious breath, but it did nothing to relieve the pressure in my chest. "That's not true. Why are you saying this?"
"Because it is true." He wouldn't meet my eyes, but his hand clutched mine ever tighter.
"Please, don't-"
"There's nothing you can say that will change my mind."
"Why not?" Everything in me was too hot and too cold at once. This was something I had never seen coming. In a world that was always changing for me, where even my own family couldn't be counted on- for hadn't Dad been so easily brainwashed?- Carrick had become my one constant. And now he thought he could just up and leave? No way would I make it that easy for him. I stared him down until he met my gaze. He looked hesitant and… afraid?
"Carrick, you owe me an explanation at least."
"Alright." He deflated visibly. "It's about Marie. She used to be one of us. My best friend, actually. She, aside from my job, was my whole world. We knew each other better than we knew ourselves, knew every little thing- or so I thought. You know already how this ends. She left. She switched sides, and just a few weeks ago, she tried to kill us both."
"What does that have to do with you leaving?" I asked, trying to get that brooding, dejected look off of his face.
"She knows that I'm protecting you. Before, she didn't know why, so you were safe. Now she does, and she wants the Stone even more than she wants to hurt me- killing you will give her both."
"And leaving me here with one less protector will help how, exactly?"
"I told you, she knows everything about me. All of my fighting moves, my favorite defense patterns, the way that I think… If I stay, I won't be able to resist helping with your protection detail, and all that will do is make it easier for her to get at you."
"That works both ways, you know," I pointed out. "You know her just as well."
"No, I only thought I did." Oh, what wouldn't I give to be able to make this better for him, to make him see that this was where he belonged.
"Fine. If that's really what you want, then there's no stopping you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a training session with Nelly." I jumped up and ran off before I could change my mind and collapse in a pathetic, weeping heap, begging him to stay. Nelly would be delighted to see me, I knew, and beating on him might just help me fight off the darkness that was threatening to overtake me.
As soon as I finished the last one, I hurried outside. Being too long in any building made me uncomfortable. The whole time I was indoors, flashes of the fire sprang in my head and my lungs burned with the memory of it. I started to feel like I couldn't breathe and the imagined heat almost was almost too much for me. I was working on conquering this newfound fear of mine, but it was slow-going. Carrick was almost too accommodating and had taken to packing us picnics for nearly every meal. He only made me go inside when it got dark out. It was more dangerous for me now than ever, and I could see that he was never really relaxed. Carrick didn't even trust himself to guard me anymore. He always had another person, two when they could be spared, watching us from a distance. When I asked him why that was, he shrugged uncomfortably- something he'd picked up from me, I knew- and refused to say a word about it.
So I threw open the school door and hurled myself into the safe, welcoming sunshine of a sticky, hot summer day. I let myself close my eyes for a second and bask in the warmth of the moment. A horn honked, making me jump comically high. "Told you she lost it," I heard Nelly comment. I grinned in his direction and laughed when I saw that he was in his signature pink truck.
Nelly had quickly become a close friend of mine. After I was finally allowed out of the hospital, he insisted on treating me to dinner. I had thought it would be awkward, but I quickly learned that nothing was ever awkward around Nelly- unless you called him by name.
"How did your tests go?" he asked as I approached. I had really been hoping that Carrick would be the one to pick me up.
"They were alright," I answered noncommittally. I didn't want to tell him that it had been an effort for me, staying inside for seven hours while I went from test to test. At one point it got so bad that I almost pretended to be a smoker just so I could ask for a smoke break.
But lying wasn't something I felt comfortable with, not anymore.
"I'm just dropping you off today. Carrick's waiting to take over. I have training sessions all afternoon. You're welcome to come along, though, if you'd like." Nelly looked a little hopeful as he said this. I knew that he enjoyed teaching my defense lessons, which were regular now and more strenuous than ever. I thought that it was because he felt like he was repaying me for saving his life. I could have told him that it wasn't necessary, but I knew that he never would have listened to that.
The prospect of seeing Carrick was just a little too much for me to resist. "Actually, I'm still a little sore from last night. How about first thing tomorrow?"
"You've got it," Nelly said eagerly. I grinned at him. He was the biggest contradiction I had ever seen. He was bubbly and cheerful and all-around fun, but then he was also brawny and lethal. And then there was his truck, Waldine. There weren't enough words in all of the languages in the world to describe just how much I enjoyed that.
When we pulled around the massive building that served as headquarters and had been my home for the past month and the first thing I saw was the flash of platinum hair that was uniquely Carrick's.
I got out of the car almost before it had stopped and hollered thanks to Nelly before sprinting toward the place where Carrick and I normally ate lunch.
"Beat you again," I said as I hit the single tree in the middle of the clearing a split second before he did.
"You had a head start." It was always the same argument, and the routine of it helped me feel just a little bit more rooted after a stressful day spent inside.
"Jade," Carrick began as we laid out a blanket on the grass behind the mansion that served as headquarters, "I have something to confess to." I spared a curious glance his way, but was still more concerned with laying food out than with whatever he was going to tell me. I was mentally exhausted and the only thing that had gotten me through the day was the knowledge that Carrick was waiting with a selection of all of my favorite foods.
"Jade, this is serious," Carrick said softly, taking my hand in his and holding it tightly. My heart started racing and my palms, embarrassingly, began to sweat almost immediately. Even though I didn't need to breathe nearly as much anymore, I felt like I was suffocating.
Was this the moment I'd been waiting all my life for, the one where I would finally, finally know what my heart already suspected?
"I'm leaving." A long silence followed during which I couldn't even think, much less move. "Tomorrow. It's not safe for you while I'm here. it was selfish of me to have even stayed this long. You no longer need the protection I have to offer. You have all of Colum's people looking after you now. You're brilliant and strong and you don't have any reason to keep me around anymore."
I drew in one cautious breath, but it did nothing to relieve the pressure in my chest. "That's not true. Why are you saying this?"
"Because it is true." He wouldn't meet my eyes, but his hand clutched mine ever tighter.
"Please, don't-"
"There's nothing you can say that will change my mind."
"Why not?" Everything in me was too hot and too cold at once. This was something I had never seen coming. In a world that was always changing for me, where even my own family couldn't be counted on- for hadn't Dad been so easily brainwashed?- Carrick had become my one constant. And now he thought he could just up and leave? No way would I make it that easy for him. I stared him down until he met my gaze. He looked hesitant and… afraid?
"Carrick, you owe me an explanation at least."
"Alright." He deflated visibly. "It's about Marie. She used to be one of us. My best friend, actually. She, aside from my job, was my whole world. We knew each other better than we knew ourselves, knew every little thing- or so I thought. You know already how this ends. She left. She switched sides, and just a few weeks ago, she tried to kill us both."
"What does that have to do with you leaving?" I asked, trying to get that brooding, dejected look off of his face.
"She knows that I'm protecting you. Before, she didn't know why, so you were safe. Now she does, and she wants the Stone even more than she wants to hurt me- killing you will give her both."
"And leaving me here with one less protector will help how, exactly?"
"I told you, she knows everything about me. All of my fighting moves, my favorite defense patterns, the way that I think… If I stay, I won't be able to resist helping with your protection detail, and all that will do is make it easier for her to get at you."
"That works both ways, you know," I pointed out. "You know her just as well."
"No, I only thought I did." Oh, what wouldn't I give to be able to make this better for him, to make him see that this was where he belonged.
"Fine. If that's really what you want, then there's no stopping you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a training session with Nelly." I jumped up and ran off before I could change my mind and collapse in a pathetic, weeping heap, begging him to stay. Nelly would be delighted to see me, I knew, and beating on him might just help me fight off the darkness that was threatening to overtake me.