DaySleeper

Maggie and Ethel yell at me for half an hour when I walk in.

“You didn’t even call!”

“You had us worried sick!”

“I told you, didn’t I, that you shouldn’t have gone?!”

The kitten continues to climb up the back of the sofa. I watch him. He sticks out like a sore thumb in this place, being completely white. Everything is used to the point of being ruined.

“Don’t you have anything to say!?”

“I didn’t want to leave him,” I reply meekly. Maggie’s face is reddening.

“So, what? That’s your excuse? You may as well go back to him then if it hurt you so much to leave him!” Maggie yells. I look at her sharply, glaring.

“Honey,” Ethel murmurs, reaching for Maggie. Maggie’s eyes don’t leave mine.

“He died, Maggie,” I snap, “And I should have been there to keep him safe, but I wasn’t because I’m here, wasting away my life!”
Maggie’s face hardens and she glares at me.

“He didn’t love you!”

“Who are you to say what other people are feeling?!”

“PEOPLE DON’T BEAT YOU WHEN THEY LOVE YOU.”

Ethel is grabbing at Maggie’s shoulders, pulling her, trying to quiet her.

“IT’S NOT LIKE ANYONE HERE LOVES ME EITHER! I’LL ALWAYS JUST BE THIS PATHETIC CHARITY CASE TO YOU PEOPLE!”

Ethel gasps, and releases Maggie. Neither of them moves, and though Maggie was flailing a split-second ago, she is now still, staring at me. I see Jade peeking her head around the corner, watching my life crumble.

“We do love you,” Ethel whispers, tears forming in her eyes.

“Ethel—” I begin. She waves me off and wipes her eyes.

“Look what you’ve done now,” Maggie snaps.

“Shut up, Maggie,” Avid says, entering the room, “You started it.”

“Excuse me!” Maggie cries. Avid pulls her out of the room, and I hear him muttering about how she needs to be more sensitive to me. I shake my head. Ethel approaches me and pulls me onto the couch next to her.

“He loves you,” she whispers, “He’s just afraid that he will not be good enough for you.”
I scoff.

“I’m not the gold standard.”

“Stop that,” she scolds, her eyes still watery, “you are worth much more than you believe yourself to be, and we can see it. Why can’t you?”

I don’t answer. It’s not like we’re not both thinking the same thing.

~~
I cannot focus on anything.

Ethel says he loves me.

I feel like a child. I drop a dish at dinner, and flare bright red along my cheeks and neck. I zone out, staring at him once. I lie awake in bed, wondering what he’s doing with Matt.

Matt is more attractive than me, by far, and nicer, and less insane, and he’s right there, in that small dark room with Avid as we speak.

I get up, and stumble downstairs, determined to get some sleep. I grope around the medicine cabinet in the kitchen for the allergy medicine. It always knocks me out.

I find it, and twist off the top and begin to pour some into the lid.

“What are you doing?”

I spin, spilling the liquid all over the counter.

In the middle of the floor is Avid, amidst the dingy, poorly lit kitchen, in a plain white tee shirt and plaid pajama pants. I feel self-conscious, as I am wearing a bit less than him, in just boxers and a massive hoodie. I yank the hem down and see the allergy medicine begin to drip off the counter.

“Can’t sleep,” I say, staring at him. He glances to my side and approaches the counter, wiping up the mess with a rag he pulls from the sink. My skin prickles from the brush of his arm.

“Why not?”

He has stopped wiping the counter, instead, he simply stands where he was, dropping the rag back into the sink. I edge away.

“I don’t know,” I reply, “rough day.”

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“For what?”

“The last few months, while you were gone, when you were here, how I treated you,” he says. I nod numbly.

“I’m not mad.”

“You should be. You should be feeling… something.”

I shrug.

We fall silent. I’m about to take a step back when he speaks.

“I miss you.”

“I’m right here,” I say, looking up at him. He looks down to our feet, glances up at me, and pushes me back, my spine bumping pleasantly into the rough counter, our hips pressed together. I look up at him, see the hesitation in his eyes, and lean up, pressing my lips to his. He instantly presses back.

He breathes out heavily from his nose and I wrap my arms around his neck as his palms press into my shoulders.