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Delila Diallo and the Slytherin Sex God
that letter
I stepped into the dorm room cautiously, knowing that countless rumors were already circulating. None of them would tell the truth of course.
I laughed as Draco and I walked into the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning. Despite everything that he had told me, there was still something fake about our relationship. And it wasn't the fact that everyone pretended to be happy for us or that we were moving along the stages of a relationship way too fast. It was the fact that I used to be trying to destroy him. It was the fact that I loved him. I wanted to tell him my secret, but I couldn’t.
Draco grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him as we sat down. For the first time that day, I was forced to look into his cold, calculating grey eyes. Eyes that had the power to hurt me or to get me addicted in any way they wanted. I held my breath as he looked at me. This had become common practice between us. He never needed to say anything.
Where this would have made most girls sigh or think that they loved this guy, it only made me more nervous. If we could both know what the other was thinking so easily, so simply, how long would it be before he figured out what I was? So I held my breath. I held back my feelings from him. I held back everything.
When he finally looked away, I looked down at the empty plate before me. We were early. We were always early, never late and sometimes I hated it. It was impossible to be invisible when you were early and it was very possible to be invisible when you were late. It was all my fault though. Hadn't I wanted to be part of Slytherin royalty?
I silently cursed myself. I had always based my life off of the saying 'be careful what you wish for' and I had already broken it. After a moment, I realized I was shaking. Quite violently. Tears sprung to my eyes. I could feel Draco's alarm soaking through my skin even though he didn't say anything.
I felt so exposed. It was like having a dream where I came to school in my underwear and everyone was laughing. Except no one was laughing. Everyone was too scared of me to laugh at what was happening to me. They were too scared to laugh at the fact that I had been thrown into the spotlight, which was what I had wanted, and now wanted out.
"Delila," Draco's voice cut through me like a knife, "Do you need to go to the hospital wing?"
I bit my lip, hard. Forcing myself to stop shaking, I smiled at him and replied in a mostly even voice, "No, I'm fine. Maybe just a little cold?" I shot him a slightly pouty look and without a word he took off his jacket and slipped it over my shoulders. Then he went back to talking to the other Slytherins who were surrounding us.
Daphne entered the Hall, flocked by several first years of a handful of houses, to which she rolled her eyes and ignored. I caught her eye as she walked by, but all she offered me was a simple shrug. That was not helping my nerves. If she released what she knew I would be pushed even farther into the spotlight. I was silently dying in the spotlight. I knew that she could tell.
I was sweating now, I could tell without actually feeling the moisture. Draco's hand sneaked onto my thigh, even though I was completely out of it. Why he thought this moment in time was sexy was so beyond me that I couldn't even muster the strength to push him away. The conversation he was having came to me in pieces. I couldn't focus.,
"Draco?" I asked suddenly. By the look he gave me I could tell that I was either interrupting something important or extremely interesting. Either way I really couldn't care less at the moment. The only probably was that that dissolved whenever I was in public. "Do you know what time it is?"
He gave me a look like I was going insane. Maybe I was, I didn't know. A minute passed and then he answered, "It's ten to nine. Are you sure you're okay?"
"To be fair that's not what you asked me the first time," I replied with a complete calm that I did not feel.
"Do you want to go back to the room?"
I took a deep breath as I thought about this. Before I even knew the answer, I was shaking my head. Owls were swooping in from overhead. I was expecting a letter from my mother and maybe it would make me feel like I was in less danger. But I wasn't quite sure. "No. I'll make it." I said as the letter dropped in front of me.
I wanted to rip it open right then and there, but I was a little afraid that she might have said something in it that would give away what I was. Instead, I slipped it silently into my pocket and looked over Draco's shoulder as he shifted through his mail.
There was one written in beautiful calligraphy and a sickly green ink. I already knew it was from his mother. The next package was the Daily Prophet, neatly rolled in an elastic band. Nothing interesting was in as far as I could tell from one glance., my heart stopped.
I thought it was safe to open my letter, but I didn’t realize Draco was looking over my shoulder.
Dearest Delila,
I know I lied, and I am sorry darling. I ruined your life for you as a great witch. I do love you, so, and that is why I am having you live with Purebloods, your actual parents. Snape told me what has happened, and I find it best for you to live with them. I know you understand (that you were adopted). I will always have a place for you in my heart, loving Delila.
With love, your muggle parents.
I stayed silent, rubbing my chest gingerly. With each movement a pain that was so unbearable it made me scream came to life in my chest. I had taken to letting the pain go, rubbing my chest cautiously while he talked. Nothing he had said so far had made a response come to mind. Or at least, not a response that wasn't riddled with profanities that he only half deserved.
"Is trust not in your vocabulary, bitch? I told you that not because of the stupid bet but because I thought that you might understand what it's like to be me. I thought maybe you would understand that this is what I hate about my life! You should have told me!” He yelled.
For the first time, I looked into his eyes. I could tell he was thrown by the innocent look I was giving him. In a soft voice, I said quite simply, "Well, now all that you hate about your life is gone."
He was silent for a moment. I knew he was fighting the voice in his head that told him he was right because the anger he harbored against me was just to big to completely let go. A minute passed and then he replied, "It's not that simple. You destroyed my world, a world I admittedly hated, but you only put me into a worse one."
"How?"
Once again, he was speechless. His eyes tunneled into mine, but I knew the innocence on my face was unsurpassable. His mouth hung open wordlessly, as if he was waiting for a fly to come along and zoom into it. I half wished that it would. I felt unloved.
"Diallo, or whatever your real name is, you have a crossed a line that no one has dared to cross with me for a long time." Draco whispered, his voice sounding less menacing than seductive. He stepped closer to me and I felt my heart skip a beat. He licked his lips tantalizingly slowly and touched his fingers to my dislocated arm. An involuntary gasp escaped my mouth. "If you want to go into this zone with me, then so be it, filthy little mudblood!”
"You can't do anything to me," I said bravely, taking a step forward. He stumbled backwards so that the heel of my shoe did not stab his foot. The look of fear on his face gave me the confidence to go on, "I control Slytherin now and you... don't. And FYI, my name is not Diallo, its Delila. I have purer blood than you. My father is higher up in Lord Voldemort’s power than yours is.”
"You underestimate my influence on our house."
"You underestimate how scared they are of me and MY influences."
We were both silent for a moment. A long time passed and then Draco spat on the floor, "I don't care what you do or how you justify it. You're a bitch, a slut, a liar and a whore. Any guy who ever lays his eyes on you will be able to tell that without a second glance but they'll still go after you because they're all pigs."
"Are you denying that you're one of them?" I snapped at him, cutting him off. He looked slightly shocked that I had done so, but he had gone too far this time. "I will not base my power on my conquests like you did. I can't. A girl who sleeps around is a slut. A guy who sleeps around is a god. You should go and rot in hell, Draco, for all the damage you have caused for everyone at this school! And you should be thanking me for getting rid of the world you hated so much. Go be a death eater. Go kill people. I don't give a damn. Just get the hell out of my face."
Draco stared at me for only a split second before he turned to go. As I watched him walk away, I felt tears spring to my eyes. I was mad at him, yes, but an overwhelming loss consumed me as the one person who had made me feel alive with every kiss they had ever given me walked away. Before he could turn the corner and leave forever, I called, "Draco?"
He paused but did not turn.
"I love you."
Nothing. He spat on the floor and was gone from my sight. I stared at the space he had just consumed, barely holding on to sanity. The only thing that kept me going was remembering the way he had kissed me and remembering that it must have had some effect on him since he hadn't pushed me any farther than that.
But even as I thought about that and even as I knew that I had said something completely idiotic to him. Draco has never loved me. And that belief alone got me to my feet and back into the dining hall. An eerie sort of power surrounded me as I sat down at the Slytherin table and reached for a roll. I was going to be fine. As for him, I had no idea. But in spite of myself I cared.
I laughed as Draco and I walked into the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning. Despite everything that he had told me, there was still something fake about our relationship. And it wasn't the fact that everyone pretended to be happy for us or that we were moving along the stages of a relationship way too fast. It was the fact that I used to be trying to destroy him. It was the fact that I loved him. I wanted to tell him my secret, but I couldn’t.
Draco grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him as we sat down. For the first time that day, I was forced to look into his cold, calculating grey eyes. Eyes that had the power to hurt me or to get me addicted in any way they wanted. I held my breath as he looked at me. This had become common practice between us. He never needed to say anything.
Where this would have made most girls sigh or think that they loved this guy, it only made me more nervous. If we could both know what the other was thinking so easily, so simply, how long would it be before he figured out what I was? So I held my breath. I held back my feelings from him. I held back everything.
When he finally looked away, I looked down at the empty plate before me. We were early. We were always early, never late and sometimes I hated it. It was impossible to be invisible when you were early and it was very possible to be invisible when you were late. It was all my fault though. Hadn't I wanted to be part of Slytherin royalty?
I silently cursed myself. I had always based my life off of the saying 'be careful what you wish for' and I had already broken it. After a moment, I realized I was shaking. Quite violently. Tears sprung to my eyes. I could feel Draco's alarm soaking through my skin even though he didn't say anything.
I felt so exposed. It was like having a dream where I came to school in my underwear and everyone was laughing. Except no one was laughing. Everyone was too scared of me to laugh at what was happening to me. They were too scared to laugh at the fact that I had been thrown into the spotlight, which was what I had wanted, and now wanted out.
"Delila," Draco's voice cut through me like a knife, "Do you need to go to the hospital wing?"
I bit my lip, hard. Forcing myself to stop shaking, I smiled at him and replied in a mostly even voice, "No, I'm fine. Maybe just a little cold?" I shot him a slightly pouty look and without a word he took off his jacket and slipped it over my shoulders. Then he went back to talking to the other Slytherins who were surrounding us.
Daphne entered the Hall, flocked by several first years of a handful of houses, to which she rolled her eyes and ignored. I caught her eye as she walked by, but all she offered me was a simple shrug. That was not helping my nerves. If she released what she knew I would be pushed even farther into the spotlight. I was silently dying in the spotlight. I knew that she could tell.
I was sweating now, I could tell without actually feeling the moisture. Draco's hand sneaked onto my thigh, even though I was completely out of it. Why he thought this moment in time was sexy was so beyond me that I couldn't even muster the strength to push him away. The conversation he was having came to me in pieces. I couldn't focus.,
"Draco?" I asked suddenly. By the look he gave me I could tell that I was either interrupting something important or extremely interesting. Either way I really couldn't care less at the moment. The only probably was that that dissolved whenever I was in public. "Do you know what time it is?"
He gave me a look like I was going insane. Maybe I was, I didn't know. A minute passed and then he answered, "It's ten to nine. Are you sure you're okay?"
"To be fair that's not what you asked me the first time," I replied with a complete calm that I did not feel.
"Do you want to go back to the room?"
I took a deep breath as I thought about this. Before I even knew the answer, I was shaking my head. Owls were swooping in from overhead. I was expecting a letter from my mother and maybe it would make me feel like I was in less danger. But I wasn't quite sure. "No. I'll make it." I said as the letter dropped in front of me.
I wanted to rip it open right then and there, but I was a little afraid that she might have said something in it that would give away what I was. Instead, I slipped it silently into my pocket and looked over Draco's shoulder as he shifted through his mail.
There was one written in beautiful calligraphy and a sickly green ink. I already knew it was from his mother. The next package was the Daily Prophet, neatly rolled in an elastic band. Nothing interesting was in as far as I could tell from one glance., my heart stopped.
I thought it was safe to open my letter, but I didn’t realize Draco was looking over my shoulder.
Dearest Delila,
I know I lied, and I am sorry darling. I ruined your life for you as a great witch. I do love you, so, and that is why I am having you live with Purebloods, your actual parents. Snape told me what has happened, and I find it best for you to live with them. I know you understand (that you were adopted). I will always have a place for you in my heart, loving Delila.
With love, your muggle parents.
I stayed silent, rubbing my chest gingerly. With each movement a pain that was so unbearable it made me scream came to life in my chest. I had taken to letting the pain go, rubbing my chest cautiously while he talked. Nothing he had said so far had made a response come to mind. Or at least, not a response that wasn't riddled with profanities that he only half deserved.
"Is trust not in your vocabulary, bitch? I told you that not because of the stupid bet but because I thought that you might understand what it's like to be me. I thought maybe you would understand that this is what I hate about my life! You should have told me!” He yelled.
For the first time, I looked into his eyes. I could tell he was thrown by the innocent look I was giving him. In a soft voice, I said quite simply, "Well, now all that you hate about your life is gone."
He was silent for a moment. I knew he was fighting the voice in his head that told him he was right because the anger he harbored against me was just to big to completely let go. A minute passed and then he replied, "It's not that simple. You destroyed my world, a world I admittedly hated, but you only put me into a worse one."
"How?"
Once again, he was speechless. His eyes tunneled into mine, but I knew the innocence on my face was unsurpassable. His mouth hung open wordlessly, as if he was waiting for a fly to come along and zoom into it. I half wished that it would. I felt unloved.
"Diallo, or whatever your real name is, you have a crossed a line that no one has dared to cross with me for a long time." Draco whispered, his voice sounding less menacing than seductive. He stepped closer to me and I felt my heart skip a beat. He licked his lips tantalizingly slowly and touched his fingers to my dislocated arm. An involuntary gasp escaped my mouth. "If you want to go into this zone with me, then so be it, filthy little mudblood!”
"You can't do anything to me," I said bravely, taking a step forward. He stumbled backwards so that the heel of my shoe did not stab his foot. The look of fear on his face gave me the confidence to go on, "I control Slytherin now and you... don't. And FYI, my name is not Diallo, its Delila. I have purer blood than you. My father is higher up in Lord Voldemort’s power than yours is.”
"You underestimate my influence on our house."
"You underestimate how scared they are of me and MY influences."
We were both silent for a moment. A long time passed and then Draco spat on the floor, "I don't care what you do or how you justify it. You're a bitch, a slut, a liar and a whore. Any guy who ever lays his eyes on you will be able to tell that without a second glance but they'll still go after you because they're all pigs."
"Are you denying that you're one of them?" I snapped at him, cutting him off. He looked slightly shocked that I had done so, but he had gone too far this time. "I will not base my power on my conquests like you did. I can't. A girl who sleeps around is a slut. A guy who sleeps around is a god. You should go and rot in hell, Draco, for all the damage you have caused for everyone at this school! And you should be thanking me for getting rid of the world you hated so much. Go be a death eater. Go kill people. I don't give a damn. Just get the hell out of my face."
Draco stared at me for only a split second before he turned to go. As I watched him walk away, I felt tears spring to my eyes. I was mad at him, yes, but an overwhelming loss consumed me as the one person who had made me feel alive with every kiss they had ever given me walked away. Before he could turn the corner and leave forever, I called, "Draco?"
He paused but did not turn.
"I love you."
Nothing. He spat on the floor and was gone from my sight. I stared at the space he had just consumed, barely holding on to sanity. The only thing that kept me going was remembering the way he had kissed me and remembering that it must have had some effect on him since he hadn't pushed me any farther than that.
But even as I thought about that and even as I knew that I had said something completely idiotic to him. Draco has never loved me. And that belief alone got me to my feet and back into the dining hall. An eerie sort of power surrounded me as I sat down at the Slytherin table and reached for a roll. I was going to be fine. As for him, I had no idea. But in spite of myself I cared.