I'm in Love With You, Are You in Love With Me Too?

Nick just stared at me, completely speechless. And I couldn’t blame him. I don’t know what anyone could have said in that situation.

“W-why do you think that Jordanne?” he asked softly after a few minutes.

“Because I hadn’t been taking my birth control pills when we had sex,” I answered bluntly. It was out in the open now; I might as well just tell it how it is. “I kind of stopped taking them when we split up.”

“So… a-are you like, l-late or something?”

“I don’t even know Nick. I’ve been so distracted by everything else lately that it’s kind of slipped my mind. That’s why it’s freaking me out even more though.”

“Well, have you taken a test or anything yet? We can go and get some,” he offered. He was being considerably calm about everything so far and I wasn’t quite sure how that was possible because I was freaking the fuck out.

“I’ve lost count of how many I’ve taken. They were all negative, but I don’t know if it’s too soon for them to work.”

He was speechless yet again. “Fuck,” he finally breathed out and walked past me to the couch to sit down. He hid his head in his hands and I just stood there, staring at him. “Fuck,” he said again, louder this time. “How could we be so stupid!?” he lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. “Why didn’t you say something? I had condoms!”

“Why didn’t you say something?!” I yelled back. “I was a little preoccupied! You had to go and write me that damn song and that was all that I was thinking about!”

“Well I was kind of preoccupied when you practically jumped me on the couch!” he countered back.

“Look,” I sighed. “Let’s not argue about this. It’s both of our faults. We were both being stupid and careless.” I finally sat down next to him on the couch.

“Let’s go to the clinic. They should be able to tell us for sure. It’s been a couple weeks, they can tell after that right?”

“I don’t know! I’ve never been pregnant before!” I was raising my voice again. The thought of the clinic scared me. It just seemed like it would make things even more real than all the home pregnancy tests.

“Hey, calm down.” He kissed me softly on the lips and I actually did start to calm down a little. “I know. I’ve never been in this situation either, but what choice do we have? I’ll be with you the whole time. It’ll be alright, ok?”

I just nodded. I didn’t trust my voice anymore. I knew I was going to start crying if I tried to say anything else after that.

Nick stood up and helped me up. I followed him silently out to his car and we drove to the clinic. On the way there so many things flew through my mind and I could barely make sense of them all. Most of them were negative thoughts, thinking about what would happen if I was actually pregnant. Would we keep it? Did I even want to keep it? So then there was the option of abortion and I had always been pro-choice but when it came to me and my actual baby I honestly didn’t know if I would be able to do that. So then I thought about adoption but that’s always been crazy to me too. I don’t know how people could carry someone inside of their belly for that long and then just hand them off to someone else, never to see them again. And I thought about what Nick would want to do. Would he pressure me into getting an abortion? Would he actually stay with me if I decided to keep it? I just didn’t know what was going to happen.

“Babe,” I heard faintly and I turned to look at Nick. “We’re here. I’ve been saying your name for like a minute.”

“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “I just can’t clear my head.”

He nodded and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently and encouragingly. “I know. Let’s just go in and get this over with, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I agreed and we walked into the clinic. I took a deep breath and followed Nick to the front counter.

“How may I help you today?” the clerk asked us with a generic smile plastered across her face.

“Um… I… well… I need…” I stuttered out but it was like I just couldn’t form the right words.

“My girlfriend needs to do a pregnancy test,” Nick finally finished for me and gave my hand another reassuring squeeze.

“Ok, fill out these forms and we’ll be right with you.”

We sat down on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs and I filled out the papers as quickly as I could. I handed them back to the lady and she said that someone would be right out to take me back and get the test done.

I sat back down next to Nick and no more than a couple minutes later a woman came out from the back, calling my name. Luckily Nick was allowed to come back with me, otherwise I probably would have freaked out.

“How are you doing today?” she asked me as we followed her. I didn’t know why the hell she was actually asking that question. Obviously I wasn’t fine. I was a teenager who was coming in for a pregnancy test for god’s sake.

“Um, okay I guess,” I said meekly, not really knowing what else to say.

She kept talking but I wasn’t really listening. I was staring at the walls as I walked by and all the pictures and signs they had hanging up about abortion and adoption and babies and it was just freaking me out even more.

We finally got to the room and she took blood and urine samples, told us she would be back in about ten minutes with the results, and left us in the room on our own. I just sat there in silence, biting my fingernails. I didn’t even know what to say to Nick. And apparently he didn’t know what to say to me either because we both sat there in complete silence until the lady came back in.

“Well after looking at both of the test results I can safely say that you are not pregnant,” she said, looking up from her papers.

I let out a huge sigh of relief and I could hear Nick do the same thing. This was great. I almost wanted to get up and hug the lady because she had just told me the best news I had heard in a long time.

“Thank you so much,” I said. “You have no idea how relieved I am.”

Before she would let us leave, she gave us a lecture on safe sex and to always be protected and she even gave us some brochures about the different methods of birth control and I wanted to die of embarrassment.

When she was finally done Nick and I thanked her again awkwardly and we walked out to the car.

“Well, that was a close one,” Nick said as he put the car in drive. “Let’s make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

“Agreed.”