Catastrophic Hymns
Drink The Pain Away
Cesca stared out the window at the rainy London morning. She laughed silently at how it matched her mood.
Billie still loved her.
She still loved him... People who love each other should be together, right?
She sighed and slouched in her seat.
And what about Mike? She did love him... There were sparks... but they paled in comparison to the raw fire that came with Billie...
What if Bill left again? What would she do then? Mike had been a huge part of her healing process... She couldn't just run back to him if Billie left...
Why did he leave? It was so random... so spur-of-the-moment... Things had been so amazing between them...
Frankie walked into their apartment and set the mail on the table.
"Bill? I'm back... Fucking mailman tried to feel me up." There was no response except for a rustling sound coming from their bedroom. Frankie frowned and followed the sound.
"Bill?" She hesitated at the door, but decided to go in. She froze at what she saw.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I have to go," he replied, frantically shoving his clothes in a suitcase. She frowned.
"Why? Where are you going?"
"I... I can't tell you."
"Well, when will you be back?" He stopped abruptly, his back to her.
"I don't know." She saw his shoulders heaving, and she walked over to him. He slid his arms around her waist, a single tear falling down his cheek.
"What's going on, Bill? Please tell me." He frowned and held her closer, resting his head on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his dark hair. She could feel his silent sobs.
"I can't tell you, Frankie, but I promise it's better this way. You deserve so much better than me..."
"But I don't care what I deserve. I want you." He shook his head and caressed her cheek.
"I will always love you, Frankie. Don't forget that."
And with one last kiss, he picked up his suitcase, called a cab, and left...
Cesca sighed again and looked at Billie from behind her sunglasses. Damn him. Damn his leaving her when she needed him. Damn him for never telling her why.
Damn him for his humor. Damn him for that lopsided smile he was aiming at her. Damn him for the way she couldn't resist him...
She closed her eyes and hoped for the limo ride to go faster.
***
"So..." Mike said once he and Cesca had put their suitcases away, "We have a show tonight..." She looked at him blankly from the couch.
"Okay..." He grinned and sat next to her.
"Do you want to go?" She frowned.
"Mike... I have to tell you something..." His face fell.
"What?"
"On the plane, before my panic attack... I was kind of... eavesdropping on Billie and Tré talking... and... Mike, he still loves me... And I don't know what to do, because he knows I know, but I'm scared to do anything at all..."
"What are you thinking about doing?"
"That's just it, Mike! I don't know! I'm so fucking confused... I mean, he just walked out of my life one day, and now..." she sighed. "I'm afraid of what he might do..." Mike's frown deepened.
"Do you think he'd force himself on you?"
"I don't know, exactly... I know he'd plan something... but I don't know what..." Mike wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.
"Don't worry. I'm here. Let's go get wasted." She smiled faintly and hugged him.
***
Seeing Billie on stage reminded her of a train wreck... Not that it was bad... It was quite the opposite, actually. He was just so enerjetic, jumping around on stage, randomly spazzing out... and you couldn't look away.
"My mental stability reaches its bitter end
And all my senses are coming unglued
Is there any cure for this disease someone called love
Not as long as there are girls like you
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I just can't trust myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense in me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself" he sang quietly, not noticing Frankie standing in the doorway of their bedroom. He continued singing softly, strumming on Blue.
She quietly made her way over to him, and kissed his neck. He stopped playing and grinned at her, his lips claiming hers as-
She was jolted out of her memory by Mike talking into the microphone.
"There's a very special girl out in the audience right now. Cesca Artolli, come on up. We'd like to dedicate this next song to you." She smiled as the security guards pushed her up on stage. Mike took her hand and led her to center stage. She turned and winked at Tré.
"This song is called '80'." Billie called; Cesca froze.
"Holy shit."
***
"That concert was amazings," Cesca slurred. The guys laughed.
"How many beers has you haved?" Tré asked.
"Three or four... Maybe five..." she giggled and held up two fingers.
"Come on, let's get you back to the hotel. You're drunk off your face," Billie said, not slurring at all.
"You holds your liquor well, Billsie Joe." He laughed and slung her arm over his shoulder, leading her to the limo.
"Mike! Get Tré," Billie called. Mike groaned and dragged Tré to the limo.
***
Mike gently set Cesca on the bed.
"Mikey?"
"Yeah?"
"I loves you." He smiled.
"I love you too." He gently removed her shoes and jeans, covered her with the duvet, and crawled in beside her.
"Cesca?"
"Yesssssssss."
"Goodnight."
"Nights, Mikey."
Billie still loved her.
She still loved him... People who love each other should be together, right?
She sighed and slouched in her seat.
And what about Mike? She did love him... There were sparks... but they paled in comparison to the raw fire that came with Billie...
What if Bill left again? What would she do then? Mike had been a huge part of her healing process... She couldn't just run back to him if Billie left...
Why did he leave? It was so random... so spur-of-the-moment... Things had been so amazing between them...
Frankie walked into their apartment and set the mail on the table.
"Bill? I'm back... Fucking mailman tried to feel me up." There was no response except for a rustling sound coming from their bedroom. Frankie frowned and followed the sound.
"Bill?" She hesitated at the door, but decided to go in. She froze at what she saw.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I have to go," he replied, frantically shoving his clothes in a suitcase. She frowned.
"Why? Where are you going?"
"I... I can't tell you."
"Well, when will you be back?" He stopped abruptly, his back to her.
"I don't know." She saw his shoulders heaving, and she walked over to him. He slid his arms around her waist, a single tear falling down his cheek.
"What's going on, Bill? Please tell me." He frowned and held her closer, resting his head on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his dark hair. She could feel his silent sobs.
"I can't tell you, Frankie, but I promise it's better this way. You deserve so much better than me..."
"But I don't care what I deserve. I want you." He shook his head and caressed her cheek.
"I will always love you, Frankie. Don't forget that."
And with one last kiss, he picked up his suitcase, called a cab, and left...
Cesca sighed again and looked at Billie from behind her sunglasses. Damn him. Damn his leaving her when she needed him. Damn him for never telling her why.
Damn him for his humor. Damn him for that lopsided smile he was aiming at her. Damn him for the way she couldn't resist him...
She closed her eyes and hoped for the limo ride to go faster.
***
"So..." Mike said once he and Cesca had put their suitcases away, "We have a show tonight..." She looked at him blankly from the couch.
"Okay..." He grinned and sat next to her.
"Do you want to go?" She frowned.
"Mike... I have to tell you something..." His face fell.
"What?"
"On the plane, before my panic attack... I was kind of... eavesdropping on Billie and Tré talking... and... Mike, he still loves me... And I don't know what to do, because he knows I know, but I'm scared to do anything at all..."
"What are you thinking about doing?"
"That's just it, Mike! I don't know! I'm so fucking confused... I mean, he just walked out of my life one day, and now..." she sighed. "I'm afraid of what he might do..." Mike's frown deepened.
"Do you think he'd force himself on you?"
"I don't know, exactly... I know he'd plan something... but I don't know what..." Mike wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.
"Don't worry. I'm here. Let's go get wasted." She smiled faintly and hugged him.
***
Seeing Billie on stage reminded her of a train wreck... Not that it was bad... It was quite the opposite, actually. He was just so enerjetic, jumping around on stage, randomly spazzing out... and you couldn't look away.
"My mental stability reaches its bitter end
And all my senses are coming unglued
Is there any cure for this disease someone called love
Not as long as there are girls like you
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I just can't trust myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense in me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself" he sang quietly, not noticing Frankie standing in the doorway of their bedroom. He continued singing softly, strumming on Blue.
She quietly made her way over to him, and kissed his neck. He stopped playing and grinned at her, his lips claiming hers as-
She was jolted out of her memory by Mike talking into the microphone.
"There's a very special girl out in the audience right now. Cesca Artolli, come on up. We'd like to dedicate this next song to you." She smiled as the security guards pushed her up on stage. Mike took her hand and led her to center stage. She turned and winked at Tré.
"This song is called '80'." Billie called; Cesca froze.
"Holy shit."
***
"That concert was amazings," Cesca slurred. The guys laughed.
"How many beers has you haved?" Tré asked.
"Three or four... Maybe five..." she giggled and held up two fingers.
"Come on, let's get you back to the hotel. You're drunk off your face," Billie said, not slurring at all.
"You holds your liquor well, Billsie Joe." He laughed and slung her arm over his shoulder, leading her to the limo.
"Mike! Get Tré," Billie called. Mike groaned and dragged Tré to the limo.
***
Mike gently set Cesca on the bed.
"Mikey?"
"Yeah?"
"I loves you." He smiled.
"I love you too." He gently removed her shoes and jeans, covered her with the duvet, and crawled in beside her.
"Cesca?"
"Yesssssssss."
"Goodnight."
"Nights, Mikey."