You Are Loved, Baby.

I swallowed hard, waiting for Brian to say something, seeing as Michelle asked him and not me. Blaik wailed and stared at the spoon that Brian held out in front of him, frozen there.
I glanced at Bronx and my brother's hand was covering his mouth for a moment, and then with a warning glare Juliann let go and Bronx was quiet, luckily.
It seemed like an eternity that everyone stared at us, waiting for Brian's reply dutifully. But truly it was a few seconds, 15 or 20 at the most.
Finally Brian cleared his throat and dropped the spoon back onto Blaik's plate, filled with baby mush. Brian sent me one last look of reassurance before he closed his eyes with a sigh.
"Because," He said quickly, opening his eyes at the same time, "Blaik is my son."
My eyes grew wide and I reached over to grab Bronx's wrists as he began to clap at the honest words that leaked from Brian's lips.
"Your what?" Michelle asked, dumbfounded. Jumping up out of her chair.
I took a moment to glance around the table, seeing looks of shock on everyones faces. My gaze stopped at Zacky who sat there, with a knowing look in his eyes. His jaw wasn't dropped like everyone else's and it seemed that he was merely waiting for the moment that we would tell everyone.
Matt sputtered, Johnny scoffed and Zacky sat quietly, looking between the baby and Brian.
"He's my child, Michelle," Brian told her, standing up from his own chair, "I cheated on you almost a year ago," Brian said quietly as his shame and my own washed over the both of us.
Michelle stared at him. Valary stared at Michelle. I think we all stared at Michelle, waiting for some kind of break down or fit. But that didn't happen. She just sank down into her chair with a defeated look on her face.
My heart ached for her. It ached with pain and for the reason that I had enough malice in me to do something like this to an innocent woman. I tore her family apart, even if it would ever only be her and Brian. I was the one that broke everything to pieces and then laid them all out on my dining room table in front of all the people she cared about.
It was me.

Tears sprung to my eyes as Brian looked at me, hurt and dishonor in his own brown orbs. But I couldn't do anything about it. There were no excuses for what we had done, no way of making it right. There was no way for either of us to apologize or fix it for it had been done and we were the doers.
"I'm so sorry," Brian murmured, "I didn't mean for this to happen. I..." He stopped talking as I began to shake my head, telling him not to lay his heart out on a thread, because what he would say couldn't help.
I felt like I should apologize but I couldn't find any words. What could I say to her? What could I say at all to help this situation.

"I thought I knew what had been going on between you two," Michelle whispered, tears dripping from her eyes and down onto the table. "But when Brian stopped coming to your house I thought it was because he realized how stupid he had been to cheat on me. I thought that he realized that he loved me like in stories and movies, but it wasn't like that was it?" Michelle questioned, looking up to me with regretful eyes.
No. I thought, too afraid to admit the truth out loud. It wasn't like that at all, but that's what I had hoped. I hoped that by me pushing Brian away he would realize all of those things. And maybe he did but deep down inside of me I pushed him away for two completely different selfish reasons.
1. I was afraid of him leaving me.
2. I was afraid of loving him back and watching as he crushed me.
Deep down I knew that what he was doing to Michelle was wrong and I pushed him away so that I wouldn't end up being her in the future.
I pushed him away because being the other woman meant that I didn't have to be the first one. The one who gets their life torn to shreds.

I looked up at Michelle for the first time since Brian told her and I gathered all of my courage. It would take all of me to say something, even two words that I knew she didn't want to hear coming from me. I murmured, "I'm sorry," While looking her straight in her eyes as tears leaked from them.
It took her a minute but then she nodded and said, "I know," Solemnly.
"I didn't want this," I told her, my strength returning to me, "I didn't want this at all... I have no excuses Michelle, I really don't..." I trailed off,
"Mommy? What's going on?" Bronx asked, tugging on my sleeve from where he sat next to me.
I turned to him, his frightened face, "It's okay, baby," I murmured, "Mommy just needs to have a grown up conversation," I told him, helping him down from his chair, "Why don't you and Junior go eat in the kitchen? You can sit at the breakfast bar like you do in the morning,"
Bronx looked weary, but began walking when Juliann grabbed his plate off of the table. I nodded to my brother, "Thanks Jules."
He nodded back and carted my brother out of the room.

Everyone was silent, even Johnny who had never been this quiet a day in his life. I felt like it was up to me to justify everything. To explain to everyone why I had gone that far with Brian, why I had let Blaik happen.
But I couldn't.
It wasn't that simple and I could blame it on Brian and say that he worked his charm and his brown eyes. I could say that he used his 'Synyster Gates' persona to woo me into sleeping with him. But that was a lie, not once did he act as Syn, he was just Brian who was looking for a little more in life, a little excitement and I was just me looking for something reckless to do after having been settled down with a child since the age of 22.

We were two people who knew exactly what we were doing and neither of us cared more about Michelle getting hurt than our own enjoyment. We were greedy, coveting each other for ourselves and not caring about how anyone else would feel about us together, breaking the rules.

Brian sat in his chair, facing Michelle with a defeated look. He looked up to Michelle's twin when she spoke.
Valary spoke with shaky words, "We trusted you, Nissa. We all trusted you both."
I nodded my head, "I know and I'm sorry."
Michelle shook her head, "Are you really sorry that you slept with Brian? Or do you just feel bad that you ruined my sister's life?" Valary asked with malice in her tone.
Brian growled, "Thats enough, Val," he said strongly, "It was my fault, not hers."
"No," I told them all, "It was both of our faults."

I watched in silence as Michelle looked my my baby boy who was making noises of unhappiness at the fact that he hadn't been fed yet. Michelle raked her eyes over his lit colored hair, his smooth skin and his chubby legs and arms. She looked into his brown eyes and sighed, "He looks like you," She murmured, "He is your child..." She sounded so defeated, like somehow she was wishing that I lied about Blaik being Brian's flesh and blood.
Brian stood up and pulled Blaik from his highchair, fumbling with the straps. He held Blaik in his arms and cooed to him when the baby became uneasy at the fact that he hadn't eaten yet. Blaik quieted down instantly, the connection between the two stronger than ever as it was being questioned. Brian nodded to Michelle, his eyes bright even now.
"He's my child, 'Chelle." He told her, running his calloused fingers through Blaik's curly hair, "I can feel it. He's comfortable with me. I love him." Brian stated, shifting Blaik in his arms.
Michelle sighed and looked from Blaik to Brian to me and then she stopped, "Brian?" She called, reaching out to touch him but then stopping like she'd get burned, again.
Brian looked down to her, turning his attention from the baby in his arms to the broken woman in the chair.
Michelle took his silence as an answer and she asked, "Do you love her?" Motioning towards me as I sat, looking up at Brian with wide, upset yet relieved eyes.
Brian shrugged while looking at me the whole time.
When Valary gasped, not expecting that answer, Brian looked to her and then to Michelle. He spoke quietly, possibly afraid that any words unkind or loud would shatter her, "She's the mother of my only child, 'Chelle," He said, looking around the table at all the guys and girls. He was desperately hoping that they'd understand and not take him as the bad guy in every way possible, "She gave me the one thing that I didn't have," Brian whispered, catching Zacky's eyes.

Zacky sat in his chair, unmoving. He stared at Brian with a look that told him that he understood, or so I hoped that he would. Zacky had wondering what he knew and how long he had known it.
Matt had his arms crossed over his chest in a way that made him look stubborn and uncaring, but I knew that only the first was true yet that he cared about Brian more than anything.
Johnny seemed shocked, his eyes shined at the thought of a new family member but he was guarded from the hurt that might come to everyone.
Val looked much like her sister, tears in her eyes and wet cheeks. But Valary seemed more confrontational that Michelle. Valary was ready to hop out of her seat and knock down who ever hurt her twin more.
Michelle was the spitting image of a broken woman. Her fingers were tangled together like she was trying to hold onto herself. She held her bottom lip between her teeth anxiously and she stared up at Brian with confusion. I could hear the words as they flew through her mind. Anger, hurt, and the notion that maybe if she'd given the hope that he'd have a child someday, he wouldn't of strayed away from her and came to me.
Just maybe.

"Do you love her Brian?" Valary demanded as her sister sat quietly, too consumed by her own thoughts.
Brian shook. He teetered back an forth as he stood there with Blaik in his arms. He looked around the table, wishing someone would understand him and be on his side. He showed fear, nervousness and pain for wanting something that he shouldn't.
"I..." Brian stuttered, holding Bronx up with one arm so that he could run his fingers through his hair like he did every time he got nervous or something went wrong, "I don't know," Brian murmured, his chocolate eyes becoming scared and confused.
I became afraid for him. He was rocking back and forth unwillingly like he would fall over at any minute. So I stood up and went around the table and highchair to grab onto his arm, strongly.
"Brian," I said firmly, "Sit down."
He shook his head, not wanting to be told what to do like a child and held onto Blaik for dear life, "Brian." I called, "Sit."
He did what he was told and I pulled Blaik from his arms.
It took Brian a little while to gather his thoughts and when he did he had nothing better to say, nothing that could make this right because those words didn't exist for both Michelle and I.

Matt had calmed Val down slightly. She was now at the point where she just wanted to hit both Brian and I, not kill us. It was silent for a moment, Michelle was seemingly in her own world as Valary stood up, motioning for Matt to follow her.
Valary walked over to her sister, past me, the baby and Brian. She didn't offer us a glance as he pulled her sister up from the chair.
"Brian," She stated, looking him dead in the eyes, "I assume that you can sleep here for a night. We'll be back tomorrow to talk about everything."
Brian sighed but nodded his head, "Okay."
He and I both stood up as everyone began exciting the house. But Johnny stopped when he reached Brian and wrapped his arms around the built guitarist.
"Congratulations, man," Johnny said before he released him. The guys, Zacky and Matt, nodded their heads at the words, "See you later,"

As the three of them walked out of the house a small smile grew of Brian's lips, someone was on his side.