You Are Loved, Baby.

The drive home was slightly more peaceful. Blaik laid in his car-seat, half asleep, with a chin full of slobber. When I got home I didn't get out of the car right away, I just took a moment to breath and of course my thoughts went back to the man who's child laid in my backseat.

As tears sprung to my eyes I reached forward, into the glove compartment and pulled out the abandoned CD. I took Blink-182 out and pushed this blue disc in quickly, hoping for some sort of comfort.

"Run away
I'm living with a hole inside
A piece of me that I have yet to find
The edge of reason lies uneven
Turn me off, feel the blood so cold

Like a product that was bought in salt
Asking me for the impossible

I ain't waiting for a miracle
I ain't waiting for the world to change
Under my skin lives the reason
Under my armor I lost it all"

I turned the volume down, afraid of waking the baby. But I continued to listen to the song that used to mean so much to everyone. To Brian. I rested my head back against the seat and closed my eyes when the next song began its opening guitar sequence.

I turned around in my seat when noise arose from Blaik. The little baby was looking around contently and I could tell that he was listening to the song, even though he couldn't comprehend a word of it.

"You like this, Blaik?" I cooed, climbing into the backseat with him. I studied his looks like I had done so many times before. His big eyes were the first thing I saw the day he was born, the way they stared up at me with such amazement, almost like Brian used to do when we laid in bed together. As time passed, Blaik's eyes changed to the exact color of his father's, and his hair got thicker . They had the same facial features except for the fact that Brian's were enhanced by maturity and Blaik still has all of his chunky baby fat.

After a few more moments of just watching my son as he made noises and sounds I decided that it'd be best if we went inside. I leaned into the front seat so that I could turned the car all the way off. I pulled the keys out and pushed them into my pocket with my cell phone before I went to unbuckle Blaik from his blue and white car-seat.

I lifted him up and cradled him to my chest as I slid out of the car. I had to dig for my keys when I got to the door but when we entered the house I smiled. We stood in the foyer and to the right was a stair case that lead up stairs two the bedrooms. Under the staircase was another door that lead to the basement. If you went you forward it'd lead you to the back door. To the left was a little walk way that lead into the living room which had huge floor to ceiling windows. If you walked through the living room, on the other side, was the dining room and then the kitchen. And finally after you made a full circle you came back to the hallway where the back door was.

I glanced at the living room that was full of toys, books, video games and the play pen that sat near the windows. The room looked like a disaster but I realized months ago that messes are the consequence of having three boys living with me.

I went straight up the stairs, ignoring the horrible condition of my living room. I walked into my own room and set Blaik on the bed. I made sure that he was surrounded by pillows so that he couldn't roll off. I changed his diaper and disposed of it before I went over to the closet and pulled my pajamas from the floor.

Once I had those clothes back on I sighed and ran my fingers through my long hair. I climbed back into bed with Blaik and laid the baby on my chest as he started to drift back to sleep, happily. I reached for the t.v remote that sat on my nightstand and flipped the t.v on. I turned the channels until I got to E!.
I didn't really pay any attention to the t.v as I laid there, running my fingers through Blaik's slightly curly hair.

I even started to drift to sleep as the television played quietly in the back ground. That was until I heard the host say "Avenged Sevenfold". It was then that my senses awoke and I started to pay attention to the news that the co-hosts were spitting out.

"Avenged Sevenfold lead-guitarist has announced the schedule for his wedding with Michelle DiBenedetto. It seems that the longtime couple are to be married on September first, 2011. Just three weeks from now."

The male co-host said some joke about being married but my eyes were glued to the screen. A recent picture of the two was there. Brian was wearing his fedora and Michelle was on his arm with a huge smile on her face. Brian was smiling as well. Deep down I think my heart broke a tiny bit, not because I wanted Brian to be unhappy but because he was happy without me. Without his son. But it was then that thoughts of him not knowing sprung to mind unwelcomed and I flipped the t.v off.

The rest of the morning I spent sleeping with Blaik in my arms. But around noon, when Blaik woke up crying, waking me up as well, I decided that it was time to get out of bed and do something. So I put Blaik in his high chair, fed him and then let him sit there for a little while as I turned music on and danced around the house as I began to clean, carting Blaik with me from room to room.

At about 2:30, I had finally cleaned the living room, dining room, kitchen and Bronx's and my own room. I left Blaik in his playpen as I raced upstairs to get dressed so that I could go pick the boys up. I chose a grey off the shoulder shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. I did my make-up and hair before I changed the baby once more and dressed him in little green onesy. I put a sweatshirt on him and a pair of light blue sweat pants before I grabbed my own hoodie, pulled it on and my shoes as well.

Then Blaik and I were out the door and strapped tightly in the car. The drive to Juliann's school was about 15 minutes and then the drive from the high school to elementary school was about another 20 minutes.

I sang along loudly to any song that came on the radio as I drove, glancing back at Blaik as he made noises of happiness and playfulness. I parked in the parking lot of Juliann's school and waited for him to emerge from the huge building. When he did I stepped out of the car and waved a bit so that he would see us. When he did I got back in and made a few faces at the baby.

"Hey Junior," I greeted as he got into the car.

"Hey Niss," he replied, already reaching for the dial of the radio.

I scowled but let him change it nonetheless. "So how was school?" I questioned, pulling out of the crowded parking lot.

Juliann shrugged noncommittally. "It was fine. Thank god tomorrow's Friday though."

I nodded my head. "Yeah. I used to hate school too."

Junior rolled his eyes. "I know that."

I chuckled. "Don't be a grouch, baby brother. Only one more day of school left until the weekend. Plus, the summer just ended. This is only your first full week of school." I told him, laughing at his dramatic scoff.

He sighed. "But still, sophomore year is so over-rated," he told me, "I mean, it's exactly like last year."

I laughed out loud this time. "It's supposed to be like every year. You go there to learn!"

He sighed and pushed back in his seat. "Forget it."

I chuckled again and reached to ruffled his brown hair. We listened to his music as we drove to Bronx's school. When Olden Park elementary school came into view I put the blinker on and took a right into the schools pick-up area.

"Can you stay here with Blaik?" I asked Juliann.

He gave me an uneasy look and glanced back at his nephew. "But what if he like... cries or something?" he asked, his expression telling me how much he didn't want to be in charge of the baby's life for two minutes.

I rolled my own brown eyes this time and got out of the car. I pulled the back door open and tugged Blaik up to me, grinning sarcastically as my brother thanked me.

"I'll be back in ten minutes. Don't break anything," I warned, walking away from the car and towards the building with Blaik blowing bubbles in his spit.