You Are Loved, Baby.

My Dad came walking out of his office about 20 minutes later with the one person I had only seen a few times since our break up.

"Dad!" I said, cheerfully, ignoring Greg like I had done many times before now.

"Nissa,what a lovely surprise!" Dad greeted to me although he walked over to where Maggie held Blaik and plucked the baby from her arms.

"My youngest grandson!" Dad grinned as he shouted loudly, catching the attention of some of the other people in the large room.

But I caught Greg's eyes and even though it had been almost two years since our break up I could still see hurt in his eyes as he pieced together the facts and realized that this would be Brian's baby. There was a time in our lives that Greg and I wanted to have children together, however; those days were far gone and forgotten. At least in my mind they were, from the look in Greg's eyes I suspected that he felt remorse and hurt still now.

I pulled my eyes away from his quickly as turned to where my father was cooing at his second grandson as he held him up in the air happily as watched as he squirmed around.

"Woo, Little baby boy," Dad laughed, "Woo, You're so cute, baby boy. Look just like your Daddy. Handsome man, he is, Blaik. You're lucky you look like him and not your old Papa."

"Dad," I whined as Maggie nodded her head in agreement with the statements about Brian, "Blaik would be adorable if he looked like you. He'd have those cheeks and everything. He'd be cute still." I told my Dad while laughing as he glared at my laughter.

"Yeah well, Brian's a fine looking man. I've seen enough pictures of him on your bedroom wall when you were a teenager to know that's true."

Maggie added, "Blaik will be very, very attractive when he's grown."

"Alright, alright," I whined, "I get it, Brian's attractive and Blaik is lucky he's going to be too."

My Dad nodded his head in righteous agreement as he carried Blaik over to me. He stood next to me and motioned for the two of us to go on ahead, out the door and to lunch at the little dinner that we always go to. I smiled and nodded as Dad followed me out of the room as I called my goodbyes to Maggie, Nadine, and Tylor. I ignored Greg completely as he stared Blaik and I down.

"I'll see you girls, later!" I called as I lead my father out of the room and towards the elevator.

"You better visit more often!" Nadine yelled as Dad cradled Blaik against his hip and pulled me into the elevator as Greg stomped past with a scorn on his face.

Dad and I disappeared into the elevator and rode down to the main floor. I followed Dad outside and the three of us piled into my car. We rode to the little diner that had become familiar to me in the last few years. It was built in the middle of nowhere, just out in the open like a tin can. It was small enough to be one too. There were about 12 booths in the place. Booths made of red leather that ran along the high windows in the place. There was an ice cream counter that had chrome stools placed in front that were cushioned with the same material as the booths. There were a few people littering the place but not very many. I realized a long time ago that this was an amazing place but people just didn't know about it. This was a place that I stumbled along one day.

Dad and I chose a booth that was in the corner and we sat down, Blaik on my lap. We mingled with a few waitresses as we ordered and they complimented me on how cute Blaik was. Then, after roughly 10 minutes our food came to us. I grinned before I devoured my chicken. Blaik still sat on my lap, being held up by my right arm as he held his own bottle up to his mouth. My Dad grinned at that.

I was deep in thought as we ate and the silence between us was comforting. I could tell that my Father had a lot on his mind although he didn't say anything about it until I questioned him.

"Nothing important, Niss," He reassured before taking a bite of his mashed potatoes.

"Yes, it is. Don't play. I know when you're thinking about something," I replied quickly as I situated Blaik so that he and I were both more comfortable.

"I'm just thinking about Brian," He murmured quietly, gauging my reaction.

I sighed, "Never mind. Forget I asked." I said and I fidgeted nervously.

Dad sighed as well and reached his hand out towards me. I rolled my eyes and reached out to take his hand. A gesture that meant "I trust you."
"Brian is going to be important in Blaik's life. I won't let him not be," Dad started as he withdrew his hand and placed them both in his lap, "You already have one child without a father. I couldn't help that but I can stop you from making another mistake. Blaik needs his father, every little boy does."

"I know that, Dad, and Brian is going to be in Blaik's life..." I trailed off wondering if I should tell him the rest of not. Tell him that I wasn't planning on having Brian in my life in an intimate way at all.

"Then what were you and the ladies talking about at the firm?" Dad asked quietly.

I bit my lip for a moment before I replied, "We were talking about how I'm not going to be seeing Brian romantically anymore."

Dad looked shocked, like my words flew across the table and smacked him in the face. He went through a whole pallet of emotions before finally settling on concern.
"Nissa, I thought you were smitten with Brian? Didn't he stop his wedding for you and Blaik?"

I groaned, "I never asked him to do that! Hell, I even told him that I couldn't be with him anymore and then he goes and breaks up with his fiancee! Now everyone thinks that I'm the bad guy and that I ruined Brian's life! You know what, Dad; Syn's a grown man! He can take care of himself without me! I hate feeling like shit for the last couple days! I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't mean to hurt Syn! I didn't mean to take everything from him! I didn't mean to hurt him, Dad, I didn't mean to hurt him..." I breathed a sigh of shocked relief as I sat back in my seat and tried to stop tears from coming to my brown eyes. Blaik was getting anxious in my arms. I leaned down and kissed his cheek and then I situated him higher up on my lap so that he couldn't slip around.

"Nissa," Dad said calmly, "If you didn't care about Brian would you be this torn up over how he's feeling right now?"

"Of course I care about him! He's Blaik's father," Then I stopped talking and realized what Dad was talking about. He, like everyone else, was subtly telling me that I was blind to what I felt.

"Now you understand, Niss. You're in denial and you'll come around sometime and it'll be too late. Brian will have already moved on. Don't give him enough time to find someone who will love him back because men move eventually when they believe that women do not love them back."

"Dad," I cried as I set Blaik into the highchair by the table and buckled him in, "But It's not that kind of love! I swear to you, it's not that kind of love."

My Dad shook his head and spoke, "You've never been in love before, Nissa."

I replied quickly and quietly, "But I know what love feels like. I love you and Blaik and Bronx, Juliann, and Isaias. I know what love feels like!"

"Then can I ask you a question?" Dad replied.

I nodded and folded my hands on the table, just waiting for his words to come at me. I had no idea what he was going to ask me, how he could've formed a question from my words. I waited as my Dad looked over Blaik and then looked my straight in my brown eyes.

"Do you love Brian like your love your brothers? When Brian is in the same room as Juliann do you get the same feelings for your younger brother that you get for Brian?" Dad's eyes were sweltering as he stared me straight in my own. It was like he was forcing me to think real hard about my answer and know that it was the right one.

I thought about Juliann for a moment and the things we did when we hung out and how I felt about him. My brother annoyed me at times and drove me insane when he wouldn't listen. It was an innocent kind of love that was based off of years of living together and being related. It was a kind of love that let me pick on him and get him so frazzled that he'd storm out of the room and I'd stay laughing where I stood.

Brian, however; caused a different reaction. With him it was like I couldn't think of anything else except for him. When he would smile I would bite my lip and hope to God that it was aimed at me. With Brian it wasn't a brotherly love but I couldn't get past the wall that was built inside of me. It blocked my heart from my brain so that my mind would win and rational would take over. It was like the devil on my shoulder was encased in a sound proof box and the angel was just ranting away on how bad it would be if the two of us ever got together.

With Brian I noticed every little thing about him. His clothes, his hair and the fact that he had gotten it cut, his eyes, his nose, and especially his lips. I noticed that sometimes his jeans would sit low on his hips and his boxers would peak out. I noticed the way he smirked when he was right about something and the way that smirk would morph into a smile when he laughed. I noticed his expression when he played guitar, when music played and how he would lose himself in the rhythm. I noticed how he acted with his son and the excitement in his eyes when Blaik holds onto him... I noticed everything about him. Even the way my heart sped up when his calloused fingers would run against my jaw.

"You're making a mistake, Nissa," Dad whispered, "You love that man."

I looked to my father with fear in my eyes, "I've never felt this way before, Daddy," I whispered as my brown eyes filled with tears and fear ran down my cheeks, leaving little paths.

"Oh honey," Dad sighed, "It's a scary thing, love is. It's so honest that you don't know what to do about it."

I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I asked my father, "Have you ever felt this kind of love?" In a quiet voice and then I pushed my plate away from me, not hungry anymore.

Dad nodded and a small, sad smile erupted on his lips, "Once," He said, "With your mother."

I smiled softly and nodded my head, knowingly. "What do I do now?"

Dad shrugged and smiled wider, "Go find your man. Tell him that you love him. That you need him. A man just wants to be loved for who he is, you know, Nissa."

I stood up and started to gather Blaik's things but my father stopped me and told me that he'd watch Blaik even though he had to go back to work. "The ladies will be happy to have him," He replied as he picked up Blaik's bag so that I could drop the two of them off at the firm. I checked for my keys and hurried out of the diner as Dad paid for the meal with Blaik in his arms.

A few minutes later I was driving away as my father walked back into his building with my son in his arms. I started on my drive to L.A because that's where the guys' studio was and that's where Brian said they'd be today. I listened to music loudly on the way there. I listened to Three Days Grace's "Never Too Late" many times on my ride into the big city. When I pulled up in front of the recording studio I stalled for a moment before taking a deep breath and hopping out of the car quickly before I could change my mind.

I raced past the secretary, ignoring her calls as I hurried to room eight. The plaque on the door read, "Avenged Sevenfold Private Recording Room." I pushed the door open without a second thought, nervous of the man who was standing on the other side.

"Nissa?" Three voices called in unison as I stood in the doorway, the guys and their producer staring at me curiously.

Zacky rushed over from where he was sitting on a couch and Matt emerged from the booth to stand a few feet away next to Johnny. "What are you doing here?" Zacky questioned as he rested his hands on my shoulders like Nadine had done earlier.

I looked around the room, dumbfounded, before replying to Zacky. "I'm looking for Brian, he's not here?"

Zacky, Matt, and Johnny shared a concern before Matt walked over and stood in front of me quietly, "Niss," He murmured, "I went to pick Brian up this morning and he was still waisted from the night before..."

I stared up at Matt with confusion on my expression. Matt stuttered over his words but didn't say anything at all to ease my rapidly beating heart.

"I think what Matt is trying to say," Zacky elbowed Matt in the gut as I turned to face him again, "Is that Brian is at home-"

I turned to go before Zacky could even finished but a hand reached out and grasped my forearm. I turned to face Matt who looked at me with hazel orbs that were over flowing with concern. "Don't go there," He murmured, "Just don't go see Bri,"

I furrowed my eye brows as I looked up at the burly man, "Why not, Matt?"

Matt shook his head as if he was shaking thoughts away. He didn't speak as his sensitive side came out and made me worry about what was going on. I turned to Zacky, "Zack, why can't I go see the father of my child?" I demanded to know but received no answer.

"Zack!" I shouted angrily and I reached out to yank on his old, faded Iron Maiden shirt.

Zacky looked up to Matt before he spoke, "Because we caught Brian in bed with some blonde woman this morning."

My eyes watered over as I looked between the three band mates. They all had looks of concern on their faces. Zacky looked upset that he told me as I yanked away from him and ran off towards my car. I had to see for myself. I had to know that letting myself love Brian was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I had to know that I was right and everyone else was wrong.