Stole my Soul

Dear Jessica

This is my life journal. Yes, I know it's a little crazy to start a journal at this late stage in my life, but I feel as though this is when I have the most to say. After years of silence, maybe writing about everything will help me do make the right decisions this time around. the right decisions for me.

When I was born my mother left me on a step outside a small two story house in a beautiful suburb in Wyckoff, New Jersey. She was only 16 years old when she had fallen pregnant, well that's what she wrote in the letter that she left in the basket. I wasn't planned she had written, she was no good for me and my father had wanted nothing to do with me. This was the only thing she could do. Giving me away to a family she didn't know was her last resort. No adoption papers, no system, so help... just a basket and a letter that gave me no hope of even looking for her.

I'd forgiven her long time ago though. Although I did wonder about her on the odd occasion. I was always happy living with the family I had now. The family I had technically always had. She had named me Jessica, but because my birth wasn't recorded until my 'adoptive' parents had taken me to the hospital, my parents had always called me Skye, Jessica Skye, but I went by Skye. I didn't really have an appreciation for the name Jessica when I had first found out, but this was before I had forgiven her.

Anyway, like I said, I am happy with the family I have now. I have my two loving parents, Robert and Georgia, who have never treated me differently despite the difference between my circumstances and my siblings’; Scarlett and Joey. I’ve never felt out of place or unloved and through all my dreams and despairs they’ve been there to support me.

It was only when I was around 7 years old that I really began to notice the significance of the Jonas’ in my life. Joey, who is 2 years my senior, was friends with Nick, Joe and Kevin and the one afternoon Georgia and Robert had an emergency meeting to attend to at the company they owned, so I tagged along with him across the street for the duration of time that I could not remain alone at home for.

I was pretty bored, being a silent young girl, yet I would never forget the day. The boys had been in the garden playing tetherball for quite a while and I was growing impatient having done nothing for a few hours. My frustration eventually got the better of me and I stood up and asked to play. The three brothers had looked at me in amusement and surprise at the fact that I had spoken, but had none-the-less invited me to join with them to play. I stepped forward and took Joe’s place, waiting for Nick to start the game.

After a few minutes Nick’s frustration began to grow at the fact that I was very close to winning and in a moment of resentment –which has occurred many times since then under different circumstances – he hit the ball with an astonishing amount of strength and knocked me out before I had time to react. It sounds worse than it was, but I woke up a few minutes later on the couch feeling only a little dizzy. Nick’s eyes were wide with worry and guilt for what he had done.

It was the first time I had really met Nick and I guess I didn’t fully understand the consequences of my actions to follow, but at the mature age I have reached now, I fear that it was the smile I gave him to tell him that what he had done was okay that really started the runaway train of my life of commitment to him.

Skye