Don't Want to Start a Fight

It was only a few days after the party that Alex confronted me about my ‘weird’ behavior. Yeah, apparently I’ve been acting weird. I don’t know what he’s talking about, to be perfectly honest, but I’m round his house anyway, like he asked, and we’re sitting in his room. He’s just gone downstairs to get chips and sodas for after the interrogation, but I can hear his footsteps coming now, so I’d better prepare myself. Fuck knows what he wants!

Sure enough, Alex appeared through his door, holding 4 cans of Dr Pepper and two bags of Doritos. He sat down on the other end of his bed, so he was facing me, and fixed a serious look on his face. Damn, he’s not bullshitting about this interrogation, is he?

“Alright, so I know you know why I asked you to come here, right?” Alex started, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t have a clue, really,” I shrugged in apology.

“Are you joking?” Alex said, shocked.

I just shook my head, frowning. What’s got him so worked up?

“Dude, you’ve been practically ignoring Kyle since the party. Everyone’s noticed but I’m the only one who’s had the balls to say anything. He’s getting upset about it too,” Alex announced.

W-What? I’ve been doing what?! Alex seemed to notice my shock and confusion, because he sighed, running his fingers through his dark fringe.

“Look, I don’t know whether you’re meaning to do it, but you don’t listen when he’s talking and you haven’t been sitting next to him or under him at all which is completely unheard of for you, and you’ve been pretty much quiet and not yourself at all – what the fuck is going on, man? I’m worried about you,” Alex said softly.

“I-I’ve really been doing that?” I stammered.

“Yeah, you have,” Alex said with a weak smile.

“Shit,” I groaned, resting my head in my hands.

Alex let me think in silence for a few seconds, before clearing his throat.

“So what’s going on, Jack? You know you can tell me anything,” Alex encouraged.

“I don’t even know what’s wrong with me,” I frowned, lifting my head to look at him.

“Has something happened between you and Kyle recently? Did you have an argument at the party or something?” Alex prompted.

Then I realized what it was that had been causing my behavior. The kiss during 7 minutes in heaven. I must’ve subconsciously been trying to block it for my own good. Shit.

“I don’t think I can tell you this,” I mumbled.

“Since when have we kept secrets from each other, Jacky?” Alex said quietly.

I winced at how sad he looked, his brow slightly creased as his teeth chewed on his bottom lip. What he says is true. Alex and I have never kept secrets from each other – except for my secret crush on Kyle. Fuck, it’s not even a crush any more. It’s way beyond a crush.

“This is something that after you know, you won’t think of me in the same way,” I sighed.

“Jack, you’re my best friend – I’m not going to think of you any differently unless you raped and murdered someone. Maybe not even then,” Alex chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

I couldn’t help but laugh too. I guess I’ll just have to trust him, won’t I? I think it’s about time I tell someone my feelings for Kyle – I think I might explode if I keep them in any longer.

“Just promise you won’t tell anyone,” I pleaded.

“Of course not,” Alex replied.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly, before looking straight at Alex.

“I like Kyle. A lot. And I have done for over a year now. That’s why I haven’t had sex with anyone – because the only person I want is Kyle. No-one else knows about how I feel,” I blurted.

Alex’s jaw dropped so I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck fuck fuck!

“Y-You like Kyle? Is that why you’ve been acting weird since the party?” Alex squeaked.

“Not entirely. Do you remember that we played 7 minutes in heaven?” I asked nervously.

“Uh, I remember making out with Juliet Simms at one point…wait…you and Kyle went together in 7 minutes in heaven?!” Alex gasped.

“Yeah, we were partnered together. At first I thought he didn’t even want to be there with me, because he was all awkward and shit, and when I said we didn’t even have to kiss but we could just talk, he didn’t say anything. Then he mentioned about hearing me with Danny Stevens…which you probably won’t remember, but he sucked me off….to which I apologized and then he said I was a gorgeous single guy. I got a bit sidetracked because he’d never called me gorgeous before, but tuned back in when he said you told him I hadn’t had sex in a year,”

“I said that?” Alex mused, interrupting.

“Apparently, yeah. I must’ve looked as mortified as I felt, because he started apologizing, but I said it didn’t matter, and I stroked his cheekbone with my thumb and he practically purred. I took the courage to ask him if he would mind if I kissed him and he said…he said he wouldn’t stop me. So I kissed him, and he instantly kissed back. Fuck, kissing Kyle was the most amazing feeling in the world, so much more than I’d ever imagine it to be. It was such an innocent sweet make-out and it was perfect. But when Jared yelled that the 7 minutes was up, Kyle jumped back. But he looked as disappointed as I felt. Like, really disappointed that we’d had to stop. I quickly left because I didn’t want to watch him rejoin John, but as soon as I saw him sit down next to John Ohh, I just…stared at him. Then he stared right at me, and he didn’t look away, blushing a little. Only when Pat asked me a question did I look away. Then we kept catching eyes all night and he was blushing every time,” I finished.

I let Alex take in my words in silence. I really need his advice, more than anything.

“I don’t know what to do, Lex. I know it was more than just 7 minutes in heaven, but he’s got John…and I can’t ruin our friendship in case he doesn’t actually like me like I like him,” I added.

Alex smiled weakly and nodded, running his hand over his face before sighing.

“You know you can’t act on the kiss, right? If for nothing other than John. O’Callaghan would be devastated if he knew that Kyle was so disappointed about having to stop kissing you. As much of a whore John Ohh used to be, he does love Kyle more than anything. This would break his heart, and he hasn’t even done anything wrong,” Alex said finally.

I opened my mouth to protest, but then closed it, because I realized that Alex was right. John hasn’t really done anything wrong, except be dating Kyle when I wanted to. But I never made my move or attempted anything, so why should I stop him being with Kyle?

“Yeah, I know. Kyle loves John too, we all know that,” I nodded glumly.

Alex was silent for a few seconds, his eyes just studying me.

“But you love Kyle, right?” Alex asked.

I was shocked that Alex could sense how deeply I felt for Kyle, but as tears sprung to my eyes I nodded.

“I love Kyle more than I can bear,” I whispered, sniffing.

Alex frowned at the emotions welling in my eyes, squeezing my shoulder in comfort.

“Things will work out, Jacky. Whether you and Kyle end up together, or whether you find someone who would love you more,”

I will never love anyone like I love Kyle.

“I don’t know, Lex. I just don’t know,” I mumbled, blinking to rid myself of such stupid thoughts.

“Well I know that whoever you end up with will get an amazing boyfriend. Someone that loves so strongly like you is rare, so your future partner will be lucky to have you,” Alex said warmly.

I smiled a small smile back at him, cheered up slightly by his words. He always knows how to make me feel better.

“That’s the Jack I know. Come on, let’s play a video game and forget about all this drama,” Alex announced, getting off his bed and walking over to his Xbox.

“Amen, brother,” I chuckled.