There's Always a Catch

I can’t explain how it felt right now, being a mother. All I knew was it was the best damn feeling in the whole entire world. It was early hours in the morning and although I’m exhausted, I somehow can’t get to sleep. A majority of people have gone home, excluding Paul who refuses too. The Cullen’s had stopped by earlier, but they promised to come tomorrow as well.

As for Alex, I didn’t know where he was. Emily told me that after I warned him to stay out, he stormed out the hospital. But right now, that wasn’t important.

Ruby was born yesterday officially, but she’s barely a day old. She was only born about a week early, she didn’t have any health problems. She weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces. I didn’t understand how she weighed so little and I put on so much weight. I didn’t care right now though, as Ruby was here. She was beautiful, her lips, her hands, her eyes, her hair, her everything. She was asleep now, and I couldn’t help but stare at her in disbelief, she truly was my baby girl.

Paul had to go find me some coffee, which I suddenly looked forward too, I had been despising it in my pregnancy, but I suddenly craved for one. A light tap at my door, I didn’t expect Alex to walk in, his face wasn’t an improvement but he had something in his hand’s, a celebration bag.

“Um, hi?” I say confused. Alex smiles feebly at me and walks in, taking my greeting as permission to enter.

“Hey” he says simply, I glanced at Ruby and Alex followed my gaze and his mouth dropped slightly, in somewhat awe.

“She’s here” he whispers faintly and I nod, and Alex looked distraught and I didn’t understand why.

“What’s her name?” he asks, coming closer, putting the what I presume is a present at the edge of my bed. He comes closer, to Ruby’s cot.

“Ruby Amelia Woodrow” I say with pride and Alex looks at me, giving me a smile that I had missed, a smile I hadn’t seen since he came here. It was a smile of peace.

“She’s beautiful” he whispers, looking at her. I smile slightly, it was awkward between us. So many words needed to be said.

“Casey, I’m sorry about when I said before about you and Paul, especially you. I didn’t mean it. I was awful and I feel so guilty. I never meant it, I was…I was jealous of Paul because I still have feelings for you Casey. I can’t switch them off, I’ve tried and I’ve never felt a bigger prick knowing I left you alone in the pregnancy. I’m so sorry” Alex rambled so quickly, I thought I had imagined it all.

I stayed quiet, unable to convert the thoughts in my brain. He stared at me, his eyes searching my face. “Casey-” he begins again.
“Alex, just stop.” I say and he silences.
“What you said really hurt my feelings, insulted my boyfriend and disrespected my child.” I say, feeling the anger I had felt earlier.
“I know, I know. I feel so bad. I’ll do anything to make it up to. I’ll even apologise to Paul, I’ll get on my knees and grovel just please, let me see Ruby. Please…just let me try and be a father” he begged, desperation in his eyes.

“I don’t think you can be a father Alex, you’re not going to be around. Why allow someone in Ruby’s life that just going to walk away?” I ask. Alex looked broken.

“I- I want to change Casey, I want to promise you that I can be there” he tells me, and I wish I could believe him.
“Alex, you can’t promise me that can you?” I whisper and Alex shook his head, he actually looked upset. I almost felt bad.
“I got you something” he says quickly, handing me the bag and I sat up, carefully opening the bag. Inside was a teddy bear, a brown one with cream muzzle and a dark brown button nose, the bear had a pink bow on it’s head and I couldn’t help smile.

“It’s for Ruby” Alex mumbles, not taking his eyes off of her. I smile gratefully at him.
“Thank you” I tell him and Alex nods, but he didn’t seem to get what I meant.
“Alex, I may be angry with you and things won’t be the same but…thank you for giving me her, thank you for giving me the greatest gift ever” I say softly. Alex looks at me and his eyes betrayed him, a soft tear strolled down it.

“I’m so sorry” he cries and I wave him over and he hugs me, we hug for a long time, Alex cried softly on my shoulder, apologizing repeatedly and saying how guilty he felt and he knew he could never a be a true father. I held him, I simply held despite the crap he put me through, I couldn’t shun him away.
“It’s okay Alex, you don’t need to be a father right now” I whisper. Alex looked at me shocked.
“I have Paul, I have a family here now. I’m not expecting anything from you” I murmur, and Alex looked at me in disbelief.

“I do want to be, just not now. I just…I have the band and…I’m not ready.” he says frantically. I nod, somehow understanding. It was silent, as Alex sat on the bed, watching Ruby gurgle, she had just woken up.

“Can I hold her?” Alex suddenly asks, I was wary but I knew he should deserve it, a goodbye in some sense. I nodded. Alex leaned over and I told him how he should pick her up, slowly he did and he sat back down, rocking her gently in his arms.

“She’s so beautiful” he whispers, stroking her tiny cheek with his thumb. Ruby reached out and grabbed his hand, her hand just about wrapped around his finger.
Alex smiled widely, his mouth opening and closing, copying what Ruby was now doing her mouth. Ruby smiled.

“She likes you” I say, surprised slightly. Alex grinned.
“I am likeable, I was” Alex says, looking at me sadly.
“I loved you Alex. I promise I did” I say, wishing he would understand. Alex nodded, rocking Ruby still.
“I loved you too Ruby and I think I still do but I know you’re happy with Paul” Alex tells me, I nod firmly.
“Very much” I confirm.
“I promise I’ll come see her, I’ll be…around somehow” Alex says, I nod but I knew he wouldn’t. This was goodbye.
“Goodbye Alex.” I say finally and Alex looks at me, peace in his eyes. He handed Ruby into my arms and Ruby made sounds as she was in my arms, recognizing my sent.

Alex got up and walked near the exit. He turned back, giving me a small smile.
“You’re a good person Casey and despite what I said before, Ruby is going to have one special mother and Paul will be a good father too.” Alex says, I appreciated his words.

“Good Luck” I say, truly meaning it. Alex grinned slightly, making me feel sad as it gave me so many memories, so many good memories.
“You too Casey” he says.
“I hope Paul treats you right, because I had my chance and I messed it up. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have your heart, I hope he knows that you deserve everything in the entire world” Alex says warmly. I smile slightly, feeling a tear slide down my cheek.

“Paul and I will be just fine” I whisper and Alex nods, and watches Ruby again, as if taking a picture in his mind. He left then, he left out the door.

I knew he wouldn’t be coming back.
I knew that Alex wouldn’t be seen for a very long time, and I knew that Ruby wouldn’t know her real father. But I was glad that he could say goodbye, that he at least deserved.