Merry Christmas, I Could Care Less

I didn’t know what to do.

Matt had never been so angry with me before, ever. In the years that I had known him, never once had he gotten such a hateful look on his face and such fire in his eyes. I had never experienced it, and therefore I didn’t exactly know what to do with it.

Of course, he wasn’t the only angry one. I was plenty angry myself. But for once in my life, I was having a hard time translating that anger into words or actions.

After Matt left the party, I went in search of my parents. I didn’t bother with manners or being polite and just interrupted their conversation with who I thought were the Thomas’. I pointed an accusing finger at my mother and hissed, “We’re done,” before pulling a Matt and storming out of the party myself.

Just as I got outside, shivering from the biting cold wind that was whipping my hair all around, I realized Matt had driven both of us, and now that he was gone I didn’t have a ride. “Fuck,” I muttered, digging through my little clutch to retrieve my phone. I needed to call someone; I needed to get out of there.

I tried Quinn, but she didn’t answer. She was probably out getting some again, as usual. As I looked through my phone for someone to call, I realized there wasn’t really anyone else. I mean, I could chance it and try calling Oliver or Tom, but they were more than likely either out or with Matt. I was all for taking risks, but I just wasn’t up for that one tonight.

I decided to just call a cab, because I honestly had no other choice.

When I finally got back to my building, and by the time I trudged up the stairs to my floor, and once I was inside my flat which was unusually quiet, I was exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted.

I didn’t even make it to my bedroom; I just collapsed on the couch, curled up under a blanket and closed my eyes. I was asleep within minutes.

***

The sound of the door opening and clicking shut woke me up a few hours later. “Are yeh sure?” I heard someone, a male, say.

“Positive. Matt an’ ‘er went ta anofher party tanigh’, so they’ll probably crash at ‘is place. So we’re safe I’d say.”

That was Quinn. I grinned mischievously from under my blanket. When I thought they hadn’t moved any further than the hall, I sat up on the couch. “So, yeh finally decided ta bring yeh boy—”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” she exclaimed halfway through my sentence.

I got off the couch and made my way over to the two standing in the shadows of the hall. Almost all the lights in the flat were off since I had just came in and passed out, so I still couldn’t make out who it was she still had her arms around.

“Wha’ the bloody ‘ell are yeh doin’ ‘ere, Kin? Thought yeh ‘ad a party wiff Matt?” Her voice was nervous, as if she didn’t want me to find out who she had previously been accosting in our flat seconds before.

I shrugged, but didn’t answer her question. “So who’s this, Q? Aren’t yeh gonna introduce me?”

My smirk was wide as the two of them stepped forward and Quinn flipped the lightswitch beside her on to illuminate our small entry way. My jaw dropped as a pair of ridiculously light blue eyes stared back at me. “Yeh got ta be fuckin’ wiff me!” I exclaimed, throwing my arms in the air and turning on my heel to go sit on the couch.

“Oh come off it, Kinley. ‘s not tha’ big of a deal,” Quinn defended herself as she followed me over to the couch. I sat down while she stood, her hands on her hips. She looked like she was preparing for a fight.

“Why’d yeh fuckin’ hide it then, Quinn? Fhought we were best mates.”

I was playing the guilt card, just because I could. She deserved it in my eyes, if she was going to go around hiding things from me, especially when we were all so closely intertwined.

She scoffed. “Don’t even go there, McKinley. Don’t even fuckin’ try it.”

I rolled my eyes and got off the couch then. I looked at Tom, still standing in the entryway looking extremely awkward, and I remembered something. Tom lived with Matt, and if Quinn was hardly at our flat, then she had to be doing the dirty somewhere. I remembered when I brought up Quinn’s newest boy having a small dick and how hard Matt had laughed, but when I asked why he just shook it off. “Tha’ bastard!” I exclaimed, stomping my foot in frustration on the ground.

“Wha’?”

“Matt knew, didn’t he?” I asked Tom, not even bothering with Quinn. She wouldn’t give me a straight answer anyways, so why waste the breath?

“I mean, we didn’t tell ‘im but yeh know, ‘e might ‘ave known, I mean—”

I cut Tom off to stop him rambling. “Tha’ bastard!” I repeated, brushing by him to put my shoes and coat back on.

“Kin, where are yeh goin’?” Quinn asked me, curious and slightly worried.

“To fuckin’ kill Matt,” I growled.

Just as my hand was on the doorknob, she grabbed my arm to stop me. “I wouldn’t, Kinley. He didn’ tell yeh ‘cause it wasn’t ‘is business ta do so. Yeh can’t be mad at ‘im for tha’, can yeh?”

I ripped my arm out of her grasp and glared. “Matt just cost me 20 pounds ta get ‘ome ‘cause ‘e abandoned me at the party. So I fhink he deserves any yellin’ that ‘e can get tanigh’.”

“’e did wha’?”

“’e fuckin’ left! ‘e got mad for no bloody reason, called me a bitch, and left, meaning I ‘ad ta call a cab ta get ‘ome.”

“Well maybe yeh shouldn’ ‘ave been usin’ ‘im at all the parties in the first place, love,” Tom piped up from the side.

I almost didn’t hear him, but when Quinn whipped her head around to face him, I knew I had heard right. My jaw dropped and the fire in my eyes intensified. “Wha’ did yeh say?”

He swallowed hard and shook his head adamantly. “Nofhin’,” he insisted, but it was no use. I had already heard and processed what he had said the first time around.

“Yeh bitch!” I screamed. I wanted to reach out and bitch-slap Quinn, but I couldn’t physically do it. “Yeh fuckin’ opened yeh big moufh!”

“Come off it, Kinley. ‘s not tha’ big of a deal,” she informed me.

I couldn’t look at her anymore. I was so pissed off that I was seeing red. I said no more as I stormed out of the flat. I had someone else I had to deal with now. I had to go see Matt.

***

My incessant knocking would be annoying to anyone, but I knew it would be especially annoying to Matt, meaning I knew he would answer. “Come on, Matty,” I mumbled to myself as I continued to knock, tapping my fist against the door three times each, stopping for a second, and then repeating the whole process again.

When the door finally swung open, I was surprised when it wasn’t Matt greeting me.

“’e’s sleepin’ Kin, ‘e doesn’t wanna see yeh righ’ now and honestly I can’t blame ‘im,” Oliver said to me, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Too bad, ‘cause I need ta see ‘im. I need ta talk ta ‘im, Oliver.”

In the time it took him to debate whether he should let me inside or not, I was already brushing by him. I didn’t have time for his foolishness, I needed to see Matt.

I went to his room immediately because I knew that’s where he’d be. I didn’t bother knocking this time; I just pushed the door open only to reveal Matt in a pair of shorts and nothing else while he laid on his bed, a blunt hanging loosely from his lips while the TV cast a blue glow on his skin. “Yeh fuckin’ knew,” I hissed, storming further into the room.

He jumped at my voice, and when he turned his head to look at me his content look was replaced with fire. “Wha’ are yeh doin’ ‘ere Kin?”

“Yeh knew!” I repeated. “Yeh knew Quinn was bonkin’ Tommy, and yeh didn’t tell me? Wha’ kind of bullocks is tha’?”

Matt was jumping off of his bed in a split second, setting his blunt down and storming over to me. “Yeh can’t possibly be mad at me for tha’ Kinley, ‘cause tha’ wasn’t me business to tell.”

“She’s me best mate and ‘e’s yehr best mate, why exactly wasn’t it yehr business to tell me? Don’t I deserve to know who me best friend is fuckin’?”

He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. “No, yeh don’t. Like I said, not yehr business.”

I just glared at him for a good minute before I remembered the party that night. Suddenly, I was angry all over again. “Yeh fuckin’ bastard,” I hissed, venom dripping from my every word. “If yeh can’t tell me about my best mate, mind tellin’ me why yeh got yehr panties in a twist tonigh’ and left me at the party? Yeh owe me twenty pounds for tha’ bullocks yeh pulled tonigh’ Matty.”

Apparently, that wasn’t the topic to bring up. Apparently, Matt was still mad.

He took another step closer to me and pointed a finger at my chest. The anger on his face was so intense, it would have had me backing down if I too wasn’t pissed off. “Aye, let’s talk about the party McKinley.”

I nodded shortly and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Let’s.”

“’ow about ‘ow yeh’re a fuckin’ two timin’ bitch who doesn’t deserve ‘alf the shit she gets or the mates she ‘as.”

My jaw dropped. “Ex-cuse me Matty?” I growled.

“Yeh ‘eard me, Kinley. Yeh fuckin’ use people, ‘s all yeh do. Yeh’re a user and I can’t fuckin’ believe I didn’t see it sooner.”

“Wha’in the bloody ‘ell are yeh goin’ on about?” I screeched, throwing my hands up in the air in frustration.

“Quinn told me, McKinley, so yeh can drop the act,” he informed me menacingly, taking another step towards me so he was right in my face.

My jaw dropped. She didn’t. She couldn’t have. She was my best mate, and she wouldn’t betray me like that.

Would she?

“Aye, ‘s righ’, yeh’re speechless now aren’t yeh? Didn’ fhink yeh little plan would evercome to surface, and now that it ‘as yeh don’t know wha’ ta do,” he sneered. “Yeh make me fuckin’ sick, McKinley. I can’t fuckin’ believe yeh. I knew yeh werea proper bitch, but ‘s a whole new low, even for yeh.”

I shook my head slowly. “Yeh don’t know what yeh’re talkin’ about, Matt. Yeh ‘ave no fuckin’ clue.”

“Don’t I?” he questioned. “Fhink I do, Kin. Yeh’ve been usin’ me since day one just ta piss off yeh parents. Yeh knew they’d ‘ate me, and so yeh used that ta yeh advantage. Yeh even ‘ad them believin’ I was yeh stupid fuckin’ boyfriend.”

I had had enough. I couldn’t take anymore of him being so mad at me. “So what if I did?” I hissed right back. “So wha’ if yeh were just comin’ ta the parties ta piss off me parents? ‘s not like anyone got ‘urt in the process, right? Yeh’re just mad I lied about it all.”

He scoffed and shook his head. “I was such an idiot ta fhink yeh were changin’, ta fhink yeh might actually want a real relationship.” He had said it mainly to himself, but I still caught it. Something inside of me actually hurt at hearing that.

I couldn’t take anymore. I left without waiting to hear what else he had to say.

It was one thing to lie to Matt and use him to my advantage, but I had never set out to hurt him. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I cared about him. Hearing I may have hurt him killed me. So I left, because apparently running was what I did best that day.