Merry Christmas, I Could Care Less

I think I fucked up.

I think I fucked up really, really badly.

I realized this when I woke up in my parents’ house to a butler asking me if I wanted my lace panties hand washed. I realized this as a chef poured me a bowl of cereal and made me a cup of tea. I realized this as Matt ignored my 18th call. I realized this as I walked back upstairs and a maid had already laid out an outfit for me to wear on the king sized bed I had slept in that night.

"Fhank yeh Victoria," I mumbled as she scurried around of my room, a too big smile on her lips. I sighed and crawled back into the already made bed, kicking my clothes down onto the floor.

I had been too embarrassed to go back home to the flat I knew Tom and Quinn were doing...whatever they were doing. And even if they weren't doing that, I would have been equally embarrassed to walk back through the door not only rejected by the one person I was almost positive would never do such a thing but ostracized by someone I considered my best friend.

I had never felt so fucking alone in my entire life as I laid there curled up into the fetal position.

"McKinley," my father's voice passed through the door and his knock echoed throughout my too big bedroom. "I know yeh're in there, Victoria jus' told meh yeh were."

I rolled my eyes again, because you know, had his maid not informed him of my whereabouts he would have had no idea I stumbled through his front door at 3 am this morning after spending most of the night getting drinks bought for me at the bar. So I heaved a sigh and pushed myself out of bed, tugging on the bottom of my tee-shirt as I opened the door, only to reveal my father already decked out in a suit.

"What're yeh doin' 'ere?" He asked.

"Well I was about ta go back ta sleep..." I grumbled.

"Why 'ren't yeh at yehr flat? I don't pay tha rent there fer yeh ta sleep 'ere," he informed me.

I wanted to roll my eyes and tell him that my rent was merely pocket change to him, and maybe yell a little too, just to get out some pent up aggression, but I refrained from doing both and just sighed.

"Yeah, I know," I responded, my eyes focused on the ground.

"Yeh were very rude las' nigh' yeh know. An' so was yehr boyfriend," he pointed out, his deep voice rumbling throughout the hallway. My father's voice was naturally very loud and easily carried throughout the entire second floor of the house.

"'e's not me boyfriend, daddy," I responded, my voice low.

"I fhought yeh were datin' 'm McKinley," he said, seemingly rather confused.

"No not...not anymore. We're takin' a bit of a break I suppose," I shrugged.

"Good, good," he nodded, his tone of voice letting me know he was rather pleased to hear this. And I guess I should have been happy to know that my plan had worked all along- my parents both really disliked Matt. And then I really thought about it.

They shouldn't hate Matt.

Matt was a great guy. Obviously to most adults, my parents especially, his appearance and career were both slightly offsetting, but once you got to know him I was sure things like that wouldn't matter to them. Matt was funny. Matt was caring. Matt was a genuinely nice person. Matt enjoyed everything life had to offer. Matt was a great fucking guy, and he treated me better than I should have ever been treated.

My parents shouldn't hate Matt. They should hate me.

"I jus' wanted ta let yeh know that you're comin' ta a party wiff yehr mofher an' I tonigh'," he said. "An' no bringin' any lads who look like proper fools," he narrowed his eyes at me. "Yehr mofher 'as someone fer yeh tonigh'. 'e's a good bloke an' 'is father's a potential client, so don't screw this up for us."

He kissed the top of my head and walked away then, not even waiting for a response. I groaned and walked back into my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before crawling into bed and sleeping until Victoria came back with a dress for me to wear.

I played nice. I wasn't sure if it was because my father had asked me too or if it was because I was just too exhausted to be a bitch. Or maybe it was because I was bored. Regardless, I spent most of the party with a fake smile plastered on my face, the pink in my hair completely covered up by my natural blonde locks, and an answer to everyone's stupid questions.

Jack, the boy I had been set up with, was a nice kid, but was so bland and boring I could completely understand why he hadn't had his own date. His family was from London, making his accent a little more typical when you thought of an English accent. It was a little prettier, but I couldn't help but wish it was Matt's thick Sheffield accent whispering into my ear all night. He wasn't bad looking either; I just couldn't even fathom the idea of being anything more than his arm candy for the night.

Even the dress I wore was boring (probably because it was one of my mum's old ones), nothing more than black and off the shoulder. I didn't even have any accessories to spice it up with. The night was ending when I finally took a good look around the room and realized how completely out of place I was. Everyone was so fucking stuck up and drab, and I just wanted a hard drink and a good blunt.

I left the party by midnight, not bothering to change out of my dress before hoping on a bus to Matt's flat. I had to leave and I had to see Matt. I didn't care that he had been ignoring me all day, or that he probably hated my fucking guts, I just had to see him.

I could hear the music from out in the hallway, and I didn't even have to think twice to know it was coming from Matt and Tom's flat. I almost felt nervous as I wrapped my slender fingers around the doorknob and twisted it open. Thankfully, almost no one noticed me as I walked inside. My eyes scanned around the room quickly before realizing Matt was nowhere to be seen.

"Why 're yeh 'ere?"

I spun around on the heel of my stiletto at the sound of his voice, knowing very well that I was about to get an earful.

"I'm lookin' fer Matty," I told Oliver. He gave me the up and the down before pressing the bottle he held in his hands to his lips.

"I'm not sure where 'e is," he shrugged. I cocked my head to the side at his words.

"Yeh're not gonna tell me 'ow 'orrible I am?" I asked.

"I'm sure yeh already know tha'," he titled his bottle towards me slightly. "Yeh don't need me tellin' yeh too."

"Yeh seem ta be tha only one who fhinks tha' way..." I muttered lowly.

"Listen, I may not be yehr biggest fan or anyfhin’, an' I know we've 'ad our differences, but yeh make 'im 'appy," he sighed. "An' I know yehr not this giant twat eifher. Wha' yeh did was pretteh fucked up, but I know yeh realize tha'. I'm not gonna stand 'ere an' act like I ain't never done anyfhin’ fucked up like that ta a bird I liked eifher."

I had to clench my jaw to make sure it didn't fall to the ground as I listened to Oliver speak. Out of all of Matt's friends, I was sure Oliver would be the one to say the most horrible things to me, call me the worst names, and maybe even make me cry. But here he was, telling me he wasn't going to judge me or what I did to his best friend, telling me that he wasn't going to call me horrible names, and telling me that he almost understood.

I was fucking speechless.

"If I 'ad ta take a guess, I'd say 'e's in 'is room," Oliver offered. I smiled at him and nodded gratefully, unable to do much of anything else. He seemed to understand this and just gave me a small pat on the back before turning around and making his way back to the party.

I was standing in front of his door, taking a few deep breathes when I heard it.

A giggle. And it wasn't his giggle.

I guess I should have known. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to be hung up on me after what I had done to him. I guess I just didn't expect him to move on so fast. I was just turning around to leave when the door behind me opened and I just froze in place like a deer in headlights. The girl stumbled out first, her hair long and dark and her tits were big. She was adjusting the shirt she was wearing as she walked passed me, eyeing me carefully. Matt was next, his hair disheveled and messy, a grin on his face one could only find after he had gotten laid. I swear I felt my heart drop down into my stomach.

"What're yeh doin' 'ere?" He asked when he saw me, a slight gasp to his voice like he had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I jus', I guess I, I jus' came by cause I 'ad a uh, party tonigh' an' it were proper boring. An' I uh, I wish yeh were there," I mumbled.

Holy shit, since when did I get nervous?

"I fhought fer sure by now yeh'd 'ave another bloke way more fucked up than me ta make yehr parents angry," he stated flatly as he stopped in front of me.

"Matt I jus'-"

"Yeh sure yeh didn't jus' come 'ere cause yeh didn't get laid? Come by cause yeh knew I was always dumb enough ta do tha' fer yeh, yeah?" He shot at me angrily. "I've got fhings ta do, Kin," he muttered, pushing past me.

"Yeh sure yeh didn't already do those fhings," I shot back, making him stop in his tracks and turn around slowly to face me again.

"Wha' tha fuck makes yeh fhink yeh 'ave any righ' ta comment on my sex life?" He growled.

"Considerin' I was a part of it a little more than a day ago, I fhink I should at least be warned yeh like such skanky lookin' girls so I can get myself ta tha clinic right quick," I shot back, a smirk on my lips.

This isn't how I wanted things to happen. This isn't what I wanted to tell him. But here he was, pushing my buttons. I just couldn't help myself but insult him back.

"I can't believe I neva noticed wha' a proper bitch yeh 're," he grimaced. "An' yeh make it seem like yeh don't want anyfhin' ta do wiff yehr parents cause they're snooty but yeh're one of tha most spoiled people I've ever met in my entire life. Yeh're fuckin' selfish McKinley," he spat, walking away after he had told me off. I stood in my place for a few seconds as I watched him walk back into the party with all of his friends. Why wasn't he upset? Why wasn't he sad? Had I made him hate me so much that he thought nothing of fucking some girl he barely knew a day after we fought?

I followed him, my heels clicking against the ground as I jogged toward him, grabbing his forearm when I was close enough. "I jus' wanted ta tell yeh I miss yeh, alrigh'?" I told him, only catching his eyes at the last second.

I'd like to think he was a little upset. That maybe he thought about taking me in his arms and forgiving me. That maybe he regretted sleeping with that girl. I'd like to think he missed me as much as I missed him.

I didn't wait for him to say anything, actually. I left because I didn't want to ruin my thoughts with something like the truth.