Ho Ho Hopefully

December 24th, 2010

Nick called Megan. Every day for a month, he called her until her voicemail picked up. He'd listen through it just to hear her voice, then hang up before it beeped. There was nothing he could say to her, anyway. She knew everything. And even if he didn't leave her a message, she'd know he called. She'd be reminded of what she had waiting for her in California.

Sam had arrived two days earlier and for that, Nick was grateful. It was a sort of sick irony that she was there for him, even though he could never be there for her the way she wished he would. Sam had become his support system through countless e-mails and phone calls, and though it wasn't romantic, he knew he loved her. He would be lost without Samantha.

He hung up the phone as Megan's voice ended, laying it down softly on his bedside table before collapsing backwards onto his bed. He rubbed his eyes sluggishly. How had time moved so quickly? Had it really already been a month? Was he really spending Christmas without her?

He let out a soft sigh as he heard a single knock on his door. He sluggishly moved his hands from his eyes long enough to glance at Sam's figure, leaning against the doorframe. Her arms were crossed slightly over her chest and she wore a pitied expression.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. Nick shook his head.

"What else is there to talk about?"

Sam tilted her head slightly as she pushed herself upright. She began to walk into the room and Nick scooted over to allow her room to sit beside him on the bed.

"We've discussed how she left and how much that hurt you, but we've never really discussed how it was my fault she left in the first place," she said.

Nick threw his arms back over his face.

"It's not your fault I'm an idiot," he mumbled. Sam laughed and he felt her weight shift as she lay down next to him. He could feel her stare and he did his best to ignore the annoyance he felt with her.

"We could see a movie?" she suggested.

Nick remained silent. Sam pursed her lips.

"Coffee?" she asked. He nodded and felt the weight shift again. Her footsteps faded down the hall and Nick let his arms drop to his sides before sitting up. He walked to his window, peeking out into the California sunshine. Few cars passed on his street and he found himself squinting into neighboring houses, looking at the lit up Christmas trees positioned in their living rooms. He gave up eventually, finding his level of boredom depressing. He was turning back to his room when he caught sight of his reflection in the paned glass.

His hair was a mess and his face looked tired. He wore a yellow hoodie with white strings over a v-neck and some sweats he'd had for years. Frustrated, he began toward his bathroom.

He flicked on the light before reaching over for a towel. He began to splash his face with cold water, hoping to wash away the fatigue in his eyes. Softly, he heard footsteps enter his room and stop abruptly at his bathroom door. Blindly, he reached out for the coffee Sam had brought him, but felt nothing.

"Sorry, Sam's still downstairs," Kevin said. Nick let his arm fall back to the sink, splashing his face one final time before drying it. He then turned to his older brother.

"It's a little early for you to be here already, isn't it?" Nick asked, throwing the towel back on a rack in the corner. Kevin watched him silently.

"I was hoping to talk to you," he said.

Nick pushed past him into his room, ignoring Kevin completely. He had a feeling what this talk was going to be about and he didn't want to say anything more to Kevin than he had wanted to say to Sam.

"Look, Nick-" he began, but his brother cut him off.

"Kevin, I don't want to hear any of your crap about how it'll all work out or how bad it looks now, but it'll get better. I don't want to hear about all the relationships you went through before you found Danielle and knew you'd found the one," he said.

Kevin paused in the middle of the room, watching Nick as he sat down on his bed, wiping his face with his hand.

"I've known Megan since we were eight. I'm fairly positive my Danielle walked out a month ago."

Kevin continued to silently watch his brother as he stood up and crossed the room to his guitar. It was a classic sign of Nick's anger, but Kevin still didn't budge, even when his brother continued to ignore him as he began to strum.

"You might want to go talk to Sam downstairs," Kevin finally stated before heading out the door. "She said she didn't get you anything, but she lied."

Nick stopped strumming as he turned to glance over his shoulder, but his brother was already gone. Softly, he set down the guitar, as if every move he made would set off a bomb to alarm Kevin that he had been half-way listening to him after all. He quietly made his way to the hallway and out the door, sure Kevin was bothering Frankie in his room.

Sam was bent over the fridge when Nick entered. She seemed undecided about which cream to use and was absentmindedly running a hand through a tangle in her hair as she tried to make a decision. It was moment like that when Nick had enough time to feel truly horrible.

Sam had given up almost everything to spend time with him, yet he couldn't do the same for her. And yes, she seemed to understand, but when she thought he wasn't looking, the same hurt always flooded her eyes. In a flash, it would be gone, but Sam wasn't one of the best actresses he'd ever met for nothing. She was beautiful, she was his savior, and she was hurting.

Abruptly she looked up, sensing his presence. She straightened and turned to him with a smile. Nick watched her as she leaned against the counter, as casually as possible while she tried to clear her thoughts.

"Kevin sent me," he said.

The smile on her face faded and she sighed, turning back to the fridge.

"Oh, of course he did," she countered. Nick couldn't help but smile as she frustratedly pulled french vanilla creamer from the fridge and set it on the counter.

"You lied to me, Samantha Barks," he teased, sitting down in a seat near the island. Sam didn't even bother to turn around.

"Because you didn't get me anything?" she asked, and he could feel the real question behind her tone. The real question that was, Do you care about me at all?

She sat down across from him, sliding the coffee in his direction. She let her head fall to rest on her hand as she watched him take a sip. He smiled at her.

"That's completely beside the point," he said and she laughed.

"I bet my present is better," she said and Nick shook his head.

"Sam, you've been sitting through me moping in my bedroom for the last two days, and every day before that via Skype and e-mail. You're putting up with me, and I don't think you could possibly give me anything better than that."

Color flushed her cheeks and she looked away. Nick felt guilty for a moment, sure she would resent him for making her so vulnerable before him. Instead, she simply turned back to him, a light smile playing on her face.

"So what did you get me?"

"Nothing that concerns you on Christmas Eve," he replied smoothly, setting his coffee aside and sliding forward to lean his face on his arms, crossed on the table before him. Sam leaned back in her chair, crossing her own arms over her chest.

"That's okay. When you see my present, I'll get mine early."

"And what makes you so sure?" he asked.

Sam leaned forward, resting her elbows on the island.

"Because exactly seven hours ago I made sure your heart was on a plane flying to Los Angeles and she's currently waiting for you in the back yard."

Nick froze. Sam smiled, pushing away from the island and heading out of the kitchen, coffee in her hand.

"You can thank me later," she called over her shoulder, and Nick knew that it would never happen. For everything Sam had ever done for him, he'd never be done thanking her.

Slowly, almost cautiously, he stood, crossing the kitchen to the sliding doors that led to his back yard. The blinds were pulled tightly shut, and he resisted the urge to open one of them and peek through to make sure she was honestly and truly there. It took everything in him to reach for that door handle and slide it open, but somehow he did it and somehow she was there.

She sat on the steps in a blue hoodie and a pair of jeans. Her hair was straight, blowing in her face occasionally, though she did her best to keep it tucked behind her ear. She wore no make-up, but Nick could have sworn that he'd never seen anyone more perfect than she was as she turned to look at him.

For a moment they were both silent as he moved out onto the porch. He approached her slowly, almost afraid that she was a dream that would float away if he was too hasty.

She stood, turning to him with an apologetic smile on her lips. Self-consciously, she stuffed her hands into the pocket on her hoodie.

"I was going to come back soon, you know. Sam just kind of helped with the distance factor," Megan explained.

Nick stood there, watching her, unsure of what to do. Megan bit her lip.

"It's just that you were calling so much, and I was trying to ignore you, and I felt so horrible about everything. But then I realized how stupid it all was, with you being miserable and me being miserable..."

She trailed off and Nick watched her as she stumbled for the right words.

"I know you probably hate me, and you have every reason to. I was stupid and from the way Sam was talking you weren't doing so well either, but I had to come back. I had to try, you know? I had to-"

She was abruptly cut off by his lips crushing against hers. His arms had somehow wrapped themselves around her, pulling her into him. She didn't protest, or even make a sound as she allowed her arms to wrap around his neck, pulling him down to her level.

Finally, they broke apart. She allowed her face to rest against his neck as he continued to hold her, kissing her hair as he did.

"I was so afraid you wouldn't want me anymore," she whispered, knowing somehow that he'd hear it. He continued to play with her hair, choosing to stay silent before finally answering, "I'll always want you."

He could feel the warmth of her smile as she pressed her lips to his neck.