Constant Companions

[Liz]

Beth approaches me in the middle of my daydream. This entire day seems like a daydream, with nostalgia and lost feelings in a wave of pain. As poetic as this sounds, this is like a flashback to 2004. Or 2005. Or 2006. It isn't fun for me, but I put on a pretty smile for the crowd and for Beth. She hasn't seen me in a very long time and I haven't seen her.

I actually influenced her to be chosen as the merch girl when they were looking for one. Mostly because I couldn't be the merch girl anymore, and I liked her. And she's still here. It's nice to know that some things are final.

She comes with Justin's ex-wife after an awkward dollar dance. I decide I will go in a moment, but I want to hear this woman's story. I want to know where they went wrong, but I know that I won't be able to pry into that. But one can only hope. She doesn't want to be here, I know that. Why would an ex-wife want to go to her husband's wedding?

Beth gives me a hug and I hug her back. She hugs Josh too. Beth is happy for Justin and so am I. I guess. Sure, let's go with that. After the embrace, I turn to the nervous ex-wife. "Antonia." We shake hands, even though I already know her name and who she is. I suspect that she already knows that I know.

"Liz," I replied, but I assume that she knew who I am as well. Or maybe she doesn't. Who knows how much Justin informed her of what used to be? We sit down and Beth takes a seat next to me. She gets a bit excited about things sometimes.

Way back when, we used to be really close. That was before Justin slowly progressed in his alcohol abuse. And after Justin started flirting with her at parties. I can be jealous if anything is to come of it, and I knew that Justin could and would go that far.

"Hi, Josh. How's Dot?" Antonia says, making small talk.

"She's sick. Jill stayed home with her." I follow Josh's vision and saw the woman before me.

There are many people at this party I've never met, but seen only in old Polaroids and postcards used to send me when he was still getting over me and had my address. I know who she is, though I've never met her or knew her. It was her.

I take this moment to get to know Toni. Josh has previously discouraged me from digging into her past, but maybe I can figure out what went wrong with all of us. "So, Antonia, how did you meet Justin?"

But she is preoccupied by the elusive woman of Justin's past as well. Maybe she doesn't know about her either? How did Justin keep all of us so in the dark about each other? I guess it's a occupational hazard of being in a relationship. Eventually, she realizes that I asked a question and starts to answer it. I don't think she really heard it in the first place, and Beth notices this as well.

“She met Matt through me. They needed an artist for the second album, so I introduced her to Matt.” Beth starts the story for Toni.

"I met Justin at one of Matt's parties." Antonia finally answers. I wonder how Matt felt about that.

"You were so wasted." Beth says to Antonia, laughing like it was a fun joke.

"They both were." Josh's tone sounds, I don't know, a bit distracted? I know Josh had problems with Betty, but he knows this is going to end badly.

"Eh, Justin was drunk for our entire relationship, so I'm not really all that surprised." That sounds a bit bitter. Fuck. "Anyways, I met Justin because I've known Josh since 1984 and he introduced me to him. He asked me out and we went on a date and I'm sure you know the story." Goddamn, the whole world knows the story. Justin isn't very good at being Captain Subtle. I couldn't listen to Commit This To Memory when it came out. It hurt too much. I've heard it a million times and I still feel bad about it.

Her eyebrows furrow for a moment, as if to say "What story?" Did Justin not mention me to her? Out of courtesy or anger or some other emotion I've never grasped correctly?

"Justin and I dated in 2004 to 2006." Toni's eyes widen a little after a period of her staring at me and then gave me a nod. She has a look that she wants to say something, but chooses not to say it.

Josh sees that this is a conversation that Beth and him should not be a part of. "I'm going to go get some drinks. I'll be right back." He gives Beth a look, a signal that she should come to.

"You know what? I'm dying of thirst. I'll come too." Beth and her poor acting skills, but she's not an actress; she's a merch girl. Now it's just Toni and I.

Eventually, she decides to say something. "That was about-" Toni says.

"That was about me. I assumed that he mentioned me if and when he talked to you about his alcohol and drug abuse. He had a relapse and almost died of alcohol poisoning in my absense." I sound like I'm bragging, but that is not my intent. I am trying to connect the dots for her.

She looks like there's something she's not telling me, but I know I can't get her to say anything she doesn't want to. I'm not very forceful, yet I know the story without having to hear it told to me. It's written all over her face.

I mull this over. "And he never said a thing about me?"

Toni shakes her head. "No."

That was a crippling blow. After all the things I've done for him and not a word? What was that about?

"How old is your daughter?"

"She's four." Antonia replied.

"She's very cute. If you don't mind me saying."

"It's no problem with me."

There was a bit of silence between us, or I just wasn't listening, and I looked as another girl stopped dancing with Justin, laughing. It looked like his sister, Richelle.

I'd met Richelle at one of the three times Justin had an intervention. She's the only family member I've ever physically met. Justin wasn't exactly proud of being an alcoholic and drug addict.

They were both smiling and Justin look around. I look at Justin and he stares back at me when he realizes I'm here. I feel a bit embarrassed, but decide that this should be the moment that I go and dance.

"Will you excuse me for a moment?" I get up and walk over to Justin with a dollar. I put his suit and we started dancing.

"Hello, Liz." Justin smiles. Did he smile? "Long time no see."

"Mmhm." We dance and then we are silent for a moment. "How have you been?"

"I've been good. Planning this entire wedding with Sarah. Jesus, it takes work to pull all this off."

I laugh. "I bet. Never had the opportunity."

"Aren't you dating some guy?" Justin asks.

My eyebrows furrow. "How would you know that?"

"I was looking at your Facebook profile."

"Stalker."

"Well, are you? Marshall or Mick or something?"

"Yes, and his name is Mark."

"How long have you been dating him?" He asks like it's an interrogation, which it is. For what reasons he wants this information for, I'm not entirely sure.

"A year now." Give or take, I do the math in my head.

"Oh. I thought it was the guy you started dating after you broke up with me."

"It would be about time if that was so." I look around the room and see Betty walking in our direction. "You make it sound so terrible when you say it. I had good reason."

"You did, but it still wasn't very pleasant for you to leave me." Justin says softly.

I assume that my time is short, but Betty waits for a moment. What is her plan? Either way, I'm taking this opporotunity to ask him about Toni. "What happened with Toni and you?"

He shrugs. "We didn't have a lot of things in common. We were so quick to be together. We did things out of impulse and feeling. I didn't have to think, and I didn't. Out of it, I got a bitter divorce. I'm not sure if Toni hates me or even cares about me anymore, and I only get to see my little girl half as much as I'd like." He looks around. "I can't say that I regret marrying her, but I regret hurting her. And I regret hurting you."

"After all the things I did for you, you didn't say a word to her about me?"

"I don't like to tell sob stories. And my sob stories are heavily biased." Justin smirks. I haven't seen him smirk in a while.

Someone taps my shoulder. It was Betty. "Do you mind if I cut in?" She's holding a dollar bill.

I pull away from Justin. "He's all yours." I turn away and walk back to the table. Why do I feel sad? Why am I upset? These are questions that I can't answer. Another question I can't answer was why did Betty decide that she needed to cut into my time talking to Justin. What the hell was that? Wait, why should I be upset about a person who wastes my time and wasted two years of a dead end relationship? At his wedding, more importantly?

This wedding has turned into an episode of Lost and I'm not exactly happy about it.

But why did I come here when all these humans suck? It's a proven fact that I'd rather be violent and lonely. Why should I be violent about this? There's nothing I can change and nothing that he will.

All I feel bad for is Sarah. Or I'm supposed to feel bad for. I guess I have nothing more to say. But what exactly does Betty?