Going Down In Flames

I hung my head in shame staring at my vans, i was going to have to face up to my lie but i didn’t really expect it to be in front of a group of people i literally only just met. 10 points for you Ally, great first impression!

“What are you doing here? Let alone how did you find out where i lived?” Travis continued.

“Uhh.....”

“Wait, Travis you remember Ally?” Jim interrupted obviously confused.

I continued to hang my head, fumbling my fingers anxiously waiting for the truth to spill out.

“Remember her? I only met her yesterday” Travis sounded more confused than before.

“No... You have known her practically all of your life. You know, my sister Ally? Ally DeChamp, her!” Jim pointed at you with frustration “Who did you think she was?”

“Well not your sister, she kind of neglected to mention that when we were talking to each other” he hissed.

“Ally?” Jim redirected his voice to me.

“mmm” i murmured.

“I think you have some explaining to do”

All eyes were on me, i felt like every glance, every word, every movement i made was being judged and analysed. I didn’t want this to happen, i wanted these 3 weeks to be fun and exciting but now they’re going to be the complete opposite. I’m really excited to be known as ‘Ally the lying bitch’, note my sarcasm.

“Travis can i talk to you for a second?” i sighed.

“can’t you talk now?” he spoke harshly, raising his eye brows.

“Alone”

“Whatever common!” he walked away.

Reluctantly i slobbed after him, scuffing my feet in the earth as my feet traced where Travis’s had just recently left. Without warning Travis’s stopped turning on his heels, leaning into the large tree that stood heavily above him. Not taking notice i accidently ran into his chest, as soon as my cheek brushed against his shirt, feeling his rememorable muscled chest he move; leaving me to regain my balance myself.

“You wanted to talk alone now hurry up and talk” he folded his arms, shifting his weight to one leg.

“Look I’m sorry. You kind of took me off guard and one thing lead to another so i just went with the flow. I thought eventually you would recognise me and everything would be okay. As soon as you left the hospital i went to call you and tell you the truth but i only had the number from your first phone so it obviously didn’t connect”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth, tell me who you were?”

“Because i didn’t want you to treat me differently”

“As if i would off!”

“As if you wouldn’t off! Don’t try to hide it Travis i used to be a big part of your life if you didn’t remember that part of your life before you and my brother ditched me!”

“Ally, you know i couldn’t of changed that i had to go on with my future if i didn’t i wouldn’t be where i am today!”

“Bet you loving it without me, just a huge burden in your life”

“A burden?” he shook his head “You a burden what the fuck are you going on about!?”

“Could it have killed you to pick up a phone? It’s not like you didn’t have my number Travis for all i could have know you could have killed yourself doing something and i wouldn’t know. And if for some miracle i did find out it would be through the news or someone else!”

“Nice to know your thinking about my death”

“Nice to know you never cared about how much your friendship, how much you meant to me” my eyes began to water, my vision slightly hazed.

“Yep you’ve got me down pack now don’t you, i never knew you were a mind reader!”

“You should seriously change professions” i laughed “become a comedian your seriously a crack up!” i scowled back at him.

“Whatever. Regardless about that, last night you know i wouldn’t have slept in the same bed as you if i knew who you actually were if you didn’t lie straight to my face!”

“That just proves my point! You would have treated me differently if you remembered Jim was my brother”

Travis’s expression slightly softened as he exhaled deeply.

“Look, you know i wouldn’t have treated you differently just because it was you. But you know how Jim would react if he knew, his so protective of you”

“I know, its Jim...” he had a point, Jim was seriously really protective of me. Even when we were younger if Travis or any other guy had their sights on me Jim would ALWAYS have something to say. Even if we told Jim about me and Travis just sharing the same bed, nothing remotely sexual happened he would still have to put his two cents in.

“Sorry for lying to you” i exhaled deeply.

“Its done now, shit happens” he shrugged and turned on his heels walking back to the group; all eyes watching us.

I though i heard him murmur something along the lines of ‘don’t worry its only me you hurt’ unless he said something about ‘turtles only squirt’ which i doubted. I sighed and began to walk back to the crew, first impression of me must have been horrible. Now, I’m going to have to work extra hard to get any sort of good opinion of me back into any of their hearts...

As soon as i became remotely close to them they all headed back over to the foam pit area, no one making eye contact with me. I looked back over to the large cream house and proceeded to walk towards it; hearing a rumble of an engine in the distance behind me. My eyes beginning to slightly water.

I ran upstairs and grabbed my iPod, throwing my phone on the bed before heading back down to the laundry. I placed Kirby’s collar around her neck and attached her leash to it. Holding her carefully in my arms i headed to the front door opening and shutting it behind me.
Placing my ear phones in my ear i headed straight to my favourite playlist filled with the songs by the band Escape The Fate; turning it up so loud i couldn’t hear anything but the strong tune of ‘Situations’.

With Kirby constantly tugging on the lead i began to jog behind her, embracing the memories of the place i used to call home. I couldn’t help but remember the good but also, the bad times.
After 20 minutes of a mixture of jogging and fast paced walking my eyes stumbled upon an overly familiar house, my old house. People say ‘home sweet home’ i wouldn’t call this sweet nor home; it brang back the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. I sat myself in the gutter across the road, throwing my ear phones out of my ears onto the concrete. Uneasy about my discovery of the practically new home i clenched myself at the feeling of remembering the past and one of the worst nights of my life.

That night had started with Jim and myself riding our push bikes through the town. When we returned from our ride we were welcomed by yelling and screaming coming from inside our home. Jim taking the position of the protective older brother he went in first, finding our parents in a heavy and horrifying screaming match. There was plates, pictures and many different household items smashed and broken, thrown all around the room.

Seeing us walk in their inferno between each other seized, making us go up to our rooms. Jim held me in him arms as i cried; hearing the screaming and yelling between our parents. Even blocking my ears couldn’t shut out the poison to my ears and most of all heart. Then the worst part happened... In the commotion of the fight our father unnoticeably knocked over a candle, sparking a fire on the curtains of our home; soon turning the house into an angry inferno. The smoke, the smell of ash and burning items filled the house, and the room me and Jim where in. Screaming ourselves and crying we sat in the corner of my room, a red hot glow peeked under my door. A crash through the door, 2 heavily suited firemen busted in to my room; clutching Jim and myself in their arms, pulling us from the house burning to the ground.

Almost the entire house was lost as well as all of our belongings. Things with our parents didn’t change, in a few short months they got a divorce; making life a whole lot more difficult. We continued to travel between the houses. Lucky for us they lived in the same town so changing between them every week wasn’t so difficult.

Unnoticeably i had began to cry, just the thoughts of my parents and that night could always make my eyes water but now being actually here, at the front of my old house where it all took place i couldn’t believe it.

I sat for what seemed like hours, tears falling across my cheeks. I was usually a pretty strong girl, i didn’t know what was happening to me. The Travis situation and than this, today really wasn’t my day. I went to glance at my iPod to see the time when i realised it was dead, completely out of battery. Slightly concerned i picked Kirby up into my loving arms and held her close to my chest.
Unfortunately since i hadn’t been back here in years my once confidence in knowing where the hell i was had diminished completely, truth was i had no idea at all. Even more depleted now i wondered along the streets, the light flickering in the darkness that surrounded me. Seeing headlights coming towards me, almost blinding me i waved my free arm around like a crazy person. The car slowed and came to a halt next to me, the dark window started to roll down; disappearing.

“Where have you been?!” Jim almost yelled at me.

I glanced in the truck to see Travis driving his face held to the road ahead of him, not taking any notice of me what so ever.

“I uh went for a jog with Kirby and i uh stumbled across our old house” i stuttered, still slightly shaken up.

Jim’s facial expression softened, he understood completely now. Travis even turned his head to you with a concerned facial expression, he knew about everything and Jim and I spent a lot of time over at the Pastrana’s during this hard time.

“Come on, let’s get home”

I complied and climbed into the large truck, resting Kirby on my lap and my head on the window. We arrived back at Travis’s house, i gently slid out of the car and silently went inside putting Kirby to bed before heading up to my room. I grabbed an oversized black shirt and short checkered shorts before heading to the bathroom across the hall, having a refreshing and comforting shower. I slid into my bed, ruffling the sheets making them not so tight anymore. I rolled over and turned off the lamp beside my bed, closing my eyes with the darkness.

A creak and the sound of my door opening regained my attention, slightly creped out i flicked on my lamp, revealing Travis standing at my door smiling the slightest bit.

“Hi...” he trailed his words.

“Hi...” i did the same.

“Uh,” he walked into my room, sitting down on the bed “I just wanted to check on you to see if you were alright”

“Oh right”

“So... are you okay?”

“Yeah, just worn out”

“You sure? I know you well enough to know the effect of seeing your old house would have had on you. I just couldn’t sleep knowing you could be seriously hurting inside”

“I promise I’m fine, just a little shaken up from the whole experience but it will blow over”

“Okay, well...” he stood up “Now i can sleep” he began to walk out to door.

“Travis, wait!” i sat up in my sheets “Thanks for caring, i appreciate it”

He nodded and smiled the slightest “Its okay, you were once a huge part of my life it felt right” he said before walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

His words rang in my mind, what did he mean my ‘once a huge part of my life’? Did it mean he no longer wanted me in his life? That he wanted me to hurry up and get back out of it again? I didn’t know what to think, what to believe. My thoughts ran wild making me quiver at the idea’s speeding through my body.

I lay wide awake for hours, confused about everything especially today. And what in the world could tomorrow bring? All i could hope and wish for would be a day when i could be normal, have a normal day without me feeling like i was being judged completely in everything i done. But, i could only hope...