Awful Direction

Band of Horses played through the speakers at a reasonable level, John tapped his fingers against the steering wheel to the beat. His eyes fell over a pouty Devon slouching in the passenger seat. Sometimes she could behave so childishly, but John found it to be one of her brightest qualities. It was cute, the way she stuck out her bottom lip and wrinkled her little nose. She had been throwing a silent tantrum for the past fifteen minutes since John unexpectedly appeared on her doorstep. And she refused to break character for a second; the entire trip to the mall Devon shamelessly shunned John. When the awkward silence became to discomforting, he was forced to turn up the radio.

“C’mon Dev, it won’t be that bad,” he assured quietly, reaching for her hand

She turned away from him, crossing her arms across her chest and looking out the window.

“Please say something,” John begged, “I don’t like it when you’re upset with me.”

Nothing.

“It’s just a couple hours! I’ll be in the parking lot at 2. Not a second later, I swear.”

He watched Devon’s reflection roll her eyes.

“Fine,” he growled, turning back to the road, “Act like a brat. I don’t give a fuck.”

“I just don’t understand why I have to do this…” she muttered angrily.

A tiny smirk curled across John’s lips, he was finally learning how to manipulate Devon’s mood swings. “Because, you need some girl friends. If you hang out with Pat all day you’ll lose your mind. Take it from someone who knows.”

“So you take me to meet everyone’s girlfriends?” she asked cynically.

“Why is that such a big deal?”

“Because John, they’re your best friend’s girlfriends. I need to make a good impression, and I suck at those. They’re going to hate me,” she whined, pouting again, “I know they’re going to hate me.”

He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “They won’t hate you. Tamerah already likes you, and she thinks you’re a great cook!”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Devon hissed, “She just became part of the group too.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“I blame television,” she muttered, resting her forehead against the window.

They fell silent again, but this time it wasn’t uncomfortable. Devon was finally accepting the fact she absolutely had to meet all the guys’ girlfriends. The fear reduced her to hopeless silence, so she kept her eyes out the window. Every chance he got John was stealing glances up and down her long body, silently thanking god for the way her clothes accented all her curves. The cool breeze blowing through the air conditioner filled his truck with the scent of Devon’s shampoo. Strawberries and cream, with a small hint of something unfamiliar. It was a very Devon-y smell. John could confidently find her anywhere in a crowd, just by her scent.

Daisy smelled better, the devil on his shoulder cooed, and her curves were sexier.

John made an effort to swallow the lump in his throat, but merely wound up choking on it. Lately he’d been fighting an exhausting battle between his heart and his hormones. In every reflection, John saw Daisy glaring over his shoulder. Cursing at him for replacing her with a complete stranger, even worse another girl. His dreams with her weren’t so pleasant these days, they argued with each other, and he begged her to reason with him. She was as stubborn as ever, and each night stormed out on him with her once gorgeous face contorted in hatred; each morning John awoke in a cold sweat with his heart pummeling his chest. There were days he unconsciously caught himself driving to Devon’s house, smiling at her texts, spending all of his free time next to her. Something about her attitude drew him in. Despite the fact he was fighting to resist, John couldn’t bring himself to stay away from Devon.

She was exciting, unpredictable, he never knew what might happen with her. Most importantly, she sincerely cared about his wellbeing. Devon never went a day without asking how he was, and John could genuinely hear the sincerity in her voice. She was interested to know he was okay, and until now John didn’t know that was something he really wanted.

“I’m not getting out,” she spoke up suddenly, matter of fact, “You can’t make me.”

They were in the mall’s parking lot, for who knows how long, and Devon was fidgeting with a loose string on the tear in her jeans. Her hair was falling over her face, building a wall between her eyes and John’s. He unbuckled silently and let out a long sigh while resting his head against the headrest. Perhaps he should spend his time alone thinking about where he was going. It was useless, he knew, but the fact he’d never know killed him. John loathed the suspense of not knowing.

When he opened his eyes, he saw that Devon was watching him. A crooked smile appeared on his lips as he asked, “What?”

“When do you get that damn thing off?” She nodded her head at his cast.

“Few weeks,” he shrugged, “Why, do you not like it?”

“It looks itchy,” she wrinkled her nose.

John laughed. “I think it makes me look like a badass.”

“My grandmother is more badass than you, John O’Callaghan,” Devon teased, half joking-half serious.

“That’s probably true,” he replied nonchalantly, “Now get out of my car and have fun!”

Devon breathed out a long sigh as she opened her door and let her boots hit the scolding black concrete. At the last second, John grabbed her wrist and turned her around. Honesty, neither of them knew what he was doing. His fingers acted on their own, brushing a few stray strands of brown hair out of Devon’s eyes. She raised her eyebrows, confused by his sudden politeness, and her entire body tensed as John gently pressed his lips to her pink cheek. It was quick, and sweet, a soft whisper across her skin. Just as soon as her mind processed what was going on, he was leaning back against his seat and smiling his typical, awkward smile.

“Good luck kiss,” he stated, smiling from ear to ear, “Now go!”

*~*

Their friendship was growing more and more flirtatious, Devon now realized. At first she merely assumed it was playful banter—just two friends joking around, like they should—but looking back she didn’t know what was going on between them. To her, it was harmless repartee; but these days she rarely knew what John was thinking. One day they were close as ever, then the next he couldn’t even look at her. Was it her fault? Devon couldn’t remember saying anything to offend John, at least nothing worth the silent treatment. The little voice in her head said to ask him about it, but she had a gut feeling it was a lot more complicated than simple words could fix.

“Didn’t even bother to tell me where I was going,” she growled, hoping to find a familiar face.
The mall was awfully crowded today, Devon could hardly move without stumbling over someone’s feet or accidentally elbowing someone’s side. With November quickly coming to a close—Thanksgiving was approaching right around the corner—the standard Christmas panic that falls with the holidays was already beginning to set in. Personally, Devon wasn’t too excited to celebrate the holidays alone. It seemed as though everyone already had their Thanksgiving and Christmas plans set in stone, and as fate would have it Devon wasn’t part of any of them. Not even John’s, because he and the band were leaving for another tour just before Christmas.

You’d think her grandmother would sacrifice one evening to give thanks to family—or even money—but instead she was hosting this huge party with people Devon had never heard of. Even so, Devon thought it’d be nice to get her a little something as thanks for giving her a place to stay.

“Are you John’s friend?” a female voice asked, lightly placing a hand on Devon’s shoulder.

When she turned around, Devon came face to face a gorgeous young girl with smooth black hair and a charming smile on her lips. Her bright blue eyes stuck out the most, her dark strands giving them an extra pop.

“Uhh,” Devon looked around, “Yes?”

Her smile widened, and she wrapped an arm around Devon’s shoulders in a friendly manor. Together they shuffled through the crowd towards the food court.

“So,” her blue eyes flickered in Devon’s direction “I’m Ketely. You’ll probably find me hanging around Garrett, but don’t think we’re serious or anything, okay? I just have this weird thing for nerdy boys with glasses,” she joked. Devon tried hard to plaster a pleasant smile on her lips but found herself too nervous to pretend.

“You look so uncomfortable,” Ketely stated bluntly, “I feel like John forced you to come here.”

Without thinking Devon blurted, “He did, actually.”

Rather than feeling insulted, like Devon thought she might, Ketely simply let out a loud laugh and carelessly replied, “I thought he did. That sounds like John Oh alright, what a jackass! I feel kind of bad now, especially if you end up hating us.”

Within five minutes, Devon was already positive she’d get along nicely with Garrett’s girlfriend. She was funny, in a sarcastic kind of way, and didn’t seem to bother separating her thoughts from the things she said out loud. She expressed herself through words and actions. Usually, Devon noticed, people just chose one or the other. The entire way to the food court her lips never stopped moving. By the end of the day Devon was sure she’d know this girl’s entire life story. It was funny, that much talking was usually obnoxious, but it suited Ketely nicely.

“So how’d you know who I was?” Devon asked, out of curiosity.

Ketely held up a picture on her phone, of Devon looking out the window of John’s pickup. “Johnny Boy sent me a picture just before you came. Creepy right?”

“Ew,” Devon laughed, “I didn’t think he was that kind of guy.”

“What can I say?” Ketely grinned, “John Oh is one of a kind.”

It was then that they were approached by two other girls, one of them Devon recognized as Pat’s new girlfriend. The two of them were equally as gorgeous as Ketely; so much so Devon found herself more intimidated than ever. How could John expect her to be comfortable around such stunning young women? All of her insecurities suddenly stuck out like a sore thumb.

The three girls dragged Devon by her heels over to an empty table and, for a minute, simply stared her down. Each of them burning holes into her head, without uttering a single syllable. Devon never particularly enjoyed having the spotlight on her, but in this case there was no escaping them. Looking at the time on her cell phone she still had two hours left to make it through the day. This meet and greet was going to happen at some point anyway, she might as well grin and bear it and get the awkward conversation out of the way now. Besides, at a first glance they all looked quite harmless.

“I’m Anika Roberts,” the tall brunette stated confidently, shoving her hand in Devon’s face, “Kennedy’s girlfriend.”

Devon placed her hand in Anika’s, whose iron grip almost tore her arm off, and glued a friendly smile on her lips. For now she was just praying she made a good impression on these girls. John was right, she needed more girly friends; Pat was growing tired of late night Tampon runs. “Nice to meet you.”

“And you’ve already met Tamerah,” she replied, motioning towards the petite girl next to her.
She didn’t say anything, she was too concentrated on everything else going on around her. The people, the different places to eat, the stores, everything but what was going on in front of her. It wasn’t until Ketely jabbed her elbow in Tamerah’s side that she snapped back into reality.

“Sorry,” she said, blushing slightly, “Long time no see, Devon. How’ve you been?”

“Good, I guess,” Devon shrugged.

“Your grandmom still an A-hole?”

She snorted, “More so than usual. It’s the damn menopause.”

“Figures,” Tamerah giggled.

“No wonder John likes you,” Akina chuckled, “You’re exactly like him, but with boobs.”

Devon grinned, quite flattered, and cocked an eyebrow. “Is that good or bad?”

“I’m still deciding,” she replied with a wink.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and while the three girls conversed among themselves, Devon opened her recent messages. A smile instinctively found its way onto her freshly glossed lips as she saw it was a text from John (ironically). Having fun yet? She rolled her eyes and quietly laughed; knowing him he knew all along she’d end up having a good time, even after only ten minutes. After replying with a quick yes, Devon shoved her phone back into her pocket and picked at her teal nail polish. Granted, she was having a nice time—it was a desperately needed Girls Day Out—but frankly Devon preferred her original plan to sit inside and watch gory, horror flicks with John all day. Her mother always said she was a boy in a girl’s body, and she had never said anything more accurate. Devon would choose Killer Klowns From Outer Space over a trip to Urban Outfitters any day.

Her phone buzzed again; she looked at the screen.

I’m grocery shopping with my mom, because I have nothing better to do when you’re gone.

Devon felt her smile stretch across her face, right until her cheeks grew sore.

“You make him happy, you know,” Ketely spoke up, having read the texts over Devon’s shoulder.

“O-oh,” she stuttered, “Well, I’m glad. He deserves to be happy.”

“Especially John,” Anika chimed in with a sad sigh, “He’s been through so much these past two years. I didn’t think he’d ever get over Daisy…”

Suddenly Devon was interested in this conversation. “Wait, that’s his girlfriend’s name?”

Ketely and Anika gave her a weird look, Tamerah—also being the newest addition to the group—looked just as confused as Devon. Her brown eyes flicked back and forth between the girls, as if the answers to her questions were written somewhere on their faces.

“Yeah,” Ketely answered slowly, “Daisy May. Why?”

Buried in the webs of her mind, Devon thought back to the day she and John first met. She had needed an escape from her grandmother’s long list of errands, and decided a walk through the park was the best way to relax herself. The setting was so calm, she rested on one of the wooden benches and allowed herself to be carried away with the breeze. When she opened her eyes next, the empty space beside her had been filled by a broken, lanky boy. It didn’t look like he wanted to speak to anyone, so she looked straight ahead at the memorial in the garden. There was a picture of a beautiful young girl, no older than eighteen, and a small inscription that had said something along the lines of Daisy May: Beloved daughter & friend to everyone. When she first read it over, Devon found the words to be a little corny.

All she could think about were the first words she had spoken to John.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

Oh god, she could’ve kicked herself in the face.

“Ju-just wondering,” Devon sputtered, her face blazing red with humiliation.

None of the girls even noticed.

“It’s good you came when you did though,” Anika muttered, “He was ready to snap. We were all waiting for it to happen.”

Devon’s heart beat a little faster. “You aren’t saying…Did you think he was going to…?” She ran her finger along her throat, unable to say the words out loud. John would never do something so careless, so stupid. Even before she met him, he had to be smarter than that.

“We did,” Ketely answered sadly, “He was just so fucking sad all the time, even the people who didn’t know him thought he was going to…well, you know. How could we not though? All he ever did was shut himself up in his room, and believe it or not he lost so much weight. He didn’t talk at all, he just drank beer after beer until one of us found him passed out on the floor…”

“We were sincerely worried about him,” Anika continued, “I’ve known John my whole life, we’ve been together since diapers. But I’ve never seen him so…shattered. And he’s gone through some pretty fucked up situations, believe me. He was always the type of guy who didn’t panic in bad times. I guess this was just too much for him. When I asked him to talk to me, all he said was he felt so guilty.”

“Guilty?” Devon was both fixated by their words and horrified. She wanted to plug her ears and think of something happy, but at the same time she couldn’t bring herself to change the subject because she was waiting for the happy ending. The one that always came at the ends of these terrible love stories. “Why would John feel guilty?”

“It’s just how he feels,” Ketely whispered, “He was Daisy’s boyfriend. The only big responsibility he had was protecting her, and everything just blew up in his face all at once. She was there one second and gone the next…And so now all he does is drown in self-hatred as punishment. It sucks having to watch a good friend self destruct like that…”

No words came to mind as the girls ran out of things to say. Devon was thinking, as she always did, but couldn’t manage to say anything. She was bursting with so many emotions. Sympathy for John, guilt for not seeing all of this before, temptation to run to the grocery store and hug him, she didn’t even know where to begin. Allowing herself to be dragged to the mall definitely wasn’t something Devon regretted. She was glad Anika and Ketely had opened up to her, and sort of let her in the loop of what happened before she arrived in Tempe. Now all she could think to do was plan. It was high time the beaten puppy dog look in John’s eyes was broken. And the only way to do so was with a little closure.

“Well, I think we successfully made this the most depressing Girls Night Out of the year,” Anika joked, “Let’s get shopping ladies!”