Accidentally Yours

"You saw them kiss? Are you sure?" Kat asked disbelievingly as she tied her long hair up into a bun. "I don't think Raven would do that. He's not that kind of guy."

'I saw them. I'm sure it was him," I answered, my voice blank, as we swung on the swings at the park. The sky was already dark above us, the stars twinkling in the distance.

It would have been a beautiful night, if only I didn't feel this way.

"Maybe Aly forced herself with him. You know how that girl is. Don't be like that, Hayley," she continued. "I hate seeing you like this."

I smiled half-heartedly at her, my feet sliding against the ground until the swing stopped. "Even if she did take the first move, there's no denying the fact that he kissed her back. He could have pulled away if he wanted to."

Kat sighed, and we remained quiet for a while. Until my cellphone vibrated inside my pocket. I looked at the caller reluctantly, half expecting Raven, half expecting anyone else as long as it wasn't him.

To my surprise, it wasn't. It was my mother.

I exchanged a panicked glance at Kat, and she raised a brow quizzically. I mouthed, "Mom."
Her jaw dropped.

My heart raced so fast. I was pregnant. I had disobeyed them. What was I supposed to say?

The phone kept vibrating.

"Answer it," Kat urged.

I did.

"Hayley," Mom's voice was raspy and kind of muffled. "How are you?"

It had been weeks since I last heard from her. All they'd ever sent me were emails, pictures of different tourist spots they'd been. Hearing her voice now felt awkward. Especially at a time like this.

She was my mother, and yet, I couldn't tell her how broken, how lost, her daughter was. How would she react if I told her I was pregnant, I wondered.

"Hayley?"

"I'm here," I answered, my voice shaking.

"Are you sick?" she asked in an alarmed tone. "Have you been eating well? What have you been up to recently?"

"I'm not sick, Mom. I've been eating well and I'm perfectly all right." The last sentence was all but a lie. But of course, she wouldn't notice.

I could feel Kat's gaze on me. I looked at her and smiled reassuringly. She nodded and continued to swing slowly.

"How are you and Dad?"

"We're actually boarding our plane, honey. We're going home soon," she answered, almost excitedly. "We're coming to see you!"

I felt a great lump in my throat.

"We'll call you again, darling. We've got a bunch of souvenirs for you. We love you!"

Before I was even able to answer her, she'd already ended the call.

"My parents are coming home," I told Kat shortly.

And she just nodded and comforted me for the rest of the night.

My life was going downhill.



The next day, for some reason, Aly looked at me with eyes full of loathing. I wondered what exactly was it that I did again to annoy her so much.

She didn't talk to me, didn't insult me in anyway. She just passed by me in the hall, as if I didn't exist in her world.

I stared after her, wondering, until I hit myself against someone. It was Rob. He smiled almost instantly, cheerfully.

"Hayley," he began. "Um, hey. It's been a while."

"Sorry, I was preoccupied with something," I apologized, then started to turn away.

He grabbed my hand, but not tightly. Gently.

"I miss you," he said.

I looked at him, shook my head, hoping he'd understand that there was nothing between us anymore. The feelings that once were simply didn't exist anymore. That I didn't even miss him now.

He let go of my hand and smiled. "See you, Hayley."

Weird.

I continued on to class, and the rest of the day was the same as usual. My mind kept dozing off, constantly thinking about my parents, about the would-be-child that was probably in my stomach, about Aly, about Rob, about Raven, about my life.

My life was definitely going downhill.

Kat had Judo practice again, so I went on ahead home right after the last school bell rang. I slung my backpack over my shoulder, carrying some of my books in my hand.

"Hey," a familiar voice said from beside the door.

I turned and saw Raven.

"Kat has Judo today, right?" he asked.

I averted my eyes, suddenly remembering the kiss he'd shared with Aly. Aly's words played over and over again in my head, but I dared not to cry.

I was through with crying.

"Yeah," I answered, still looking away.

I felt his hand on my chin, and my face flushed, as he directed my face towards him. He leaned closer until we were inches apart.

"What's wrong?" he continued, still staring at me with his piercing blue eyes. The tone of his voice seemed to be full of concern.

I bit my lip, pulling away.

"I'm sorry. It's just that I've been feeling pretty down recently, and my parents are coming home soon. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to tell them―"

His gaze fell suddenly when he heard this, then he said, "About that, Hayley, I have something to tell you."

I tensed.

Was he going to tell me about the kiss? About Aly? About how much he really loved her? He was going to leave me soon, leaving me alone to deal with everything―

"It's about what happened that night. The night of Aly's party."

I gulped, my palms sweating. This was it, I thought. The horrible truth.

"Can we talk somewhere else?"

Funny. We weren't even together from the very beginning, and yet I felt like we were breaking up.

I nodded, and he smiled, intensifying the burning pain I felt in my chest as we walked.



As soon as we were sitting on a bench at a nearby park, the truth spilled out of his mouth. He was very careful with his words, and it took me quite some time to process it.

"Nothing..." I began, surprised. "...happened to us, that night?"

He nodded, looking at a distance.

"But then...why did you...All this time, I hated myself. Blamed myself. Believed that I was pregnant. That I did something wrong."

"Let me explain―"

"YOU LIED TO ME."

"I didn't know it at first," he answered, still calm, when I was fuming beside him. "I was just lying in bed, and then everything that had happened that night replayed. I thought it was a dream, but then―"

"I don't know if I should be happy because I found out that I'm not really pregnant, or if I should be angry because you made me believe I was." I started crying, even though I didn't want to. "You could have told the truth!"

This time, he snapped. "And if I had? Then what would have happened? You would have chased after Kingsley!"

"It's not even about Rob now! You made me feel miserable!" I retorted back, tears streaming out of my eyes. "I thought my life was ruined! It was all because you lied to me and told me that something happened between us!"

"Now that you know that you are not in any way bound to me―" he answered blankly, staring at me. "―you're going back to him." It wasn't a question.

I clenched my fists. "I'm not even in love with him anymore."

"And you're not in love with me," he muttered, then sighed. "I'm sorry I kept it from you. I'm sorry...for everything. I know that sorry never did anything. That sorry's not enough. It's just that I―" he hesitated. "I'm just sorry."

"Just..." I finally said after a moment. "Give me a time to think things through. I haven't forgiven you yet."

He nodded.

I stood up and walked away.