Oh Amelia

"It's nice to finally have a night in with you." I sighed as I leaned up to kiss my husband's cheek before laying my head on his shoulder.

"I know, babe. I miss just hanging out with you." He agreed as he gave me a tender kiss on the forehead. He picked up the remote and turned on a Parks and Recreation rerun as we silently enjoyed each other's company.

He had been so busy lately touring with bands and helping to make records. We'd barely seen each other in the last six months but now that he was here it felt like he never left.

We sat on the couch in each other's arms when suddenly Andrew exclaimed, "Oh shit!" And jumped up from the couch. Startled, I gasped and fell over to where he was previously sitting.

"What?" I asked.

"I forgot to drop off the mortgage check this morning." He explained, "I'll be right back." I sighed as he pulled his jacket on. "Love you, Melia." He said, giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Love you too, honey." I replied as he smiled and walked out the door.

And that was the last time I ever saw him alive.

When I got that call my whole world went numb. I felt like I had just been hit by a truck. The man that I loved more than anyone was gone in an instant. And I could have stopped him.

I don't think I stopped crying for 24 hours. The next two days were hazy for me, but I didn't have time to mope. I had to make arrangements, call people, write messages. I avoided mourning as much as I possibly could, but at the end of the day it was hard to ignore the emptiness of the king-sized bed I slept in.

It has only been a week since my life fell apart. Today I was forced to attend the memorial service for Andrew's west coast friends and family. Next week he was being buried in his home state of Massachusetts. Thankfully his family urged me to stay home instead of flying across the country for more heartache.

I smoothed my black dress in the mirror and ran a hand through my hair. I sighed before sitting on my bed and looking around at our room. His artwork was plastered all over our walls along with pictures of the two of us. My heart broke knowing we could never take another picture again. Those small realizations kept popping up. Like when I had to come to terms with the fact he would never again cook for me or cuddle me.

The doorbell cut my thought short. Andrew''s friends were coming to stay at the house for a few days while they were in town for the service. I wasn't crazy about the idea of having a group of boys over at a time when I wanted space, but then again they would distract me from my loneliness. I sat up from the bed and forced myself to open the door.

"Hey guys." I greeted with a small smile. I found Jared, Nick, Eric, Justin, John, Tim, and Peter standing before me with sympathetic looks on their faces. Most of them greeted me with sad hellos but Eric dropped his bags and hugged me.

"I'm so sorry, Amelia." He whispered as he held me tight.

I pushed away my sad thoughts, refusing to cry in front of all of them. I swallowed hard and muttered a broken, "thanks."

He finally let go and patted my arm while the rest of the group filed into the house.

"We have a guest room and couches. I'm sure you guys know where everything is." I announced as I shut the front door. The men delegated their sleeping situation as I just stood like a statue, engrossed in my own thoughts.

"How're you holding up, kid?" Justin Richards asked.

"Fine." I nodded, trying my best to make it convincing.

He gave me a knowing look and a pat on the back. "It'll get easier."

Anger boiled inside of me when people said things like this. He doesn't know. He has no clue what I'm feeling or going through or when it will get easier.

"Amelia, have you eaten today?" Nick asked me from the living room.

"Not yet." I replied softly.

"What do you want?" He asked. "I can make something."

"I'm fine right now, maybe later."

Everybody started to put their bags away and get dressed for the service. I sat on the couch waiting patiently while staring off into space.

"Amelia?" I heard from beside me.

"Yes John?"

"I brought a few bags of chips. I know they're your favorite." He said quietly as he handed them to me. They were indeed my favorite food in the world but so unhealthy that I never kept them around the house or I would go through a bag a day.

"Thank you so much." I replied sincerely as I opened the bag and started to munch. He nodded and took a seat next to me. He didn't feel the need to talk, for which I was grateful. The way I had been feeling was hard to describe. My mind was constantly running but I never felt as if I had anything worth saying anymore. It was strange.

"Well, we should get going." Peter told everyone. I nodded and started to walk out the door with the rest following me.

The service was difficult but I got through it with few tears. I don't know why but I felt like I couldn't cry in front of anyone. Not even my friends who had come over during the week to comfort me. I didn't want to show how vulnerable I had become without my other half.

When we arrived back at my house the boys started into a case of beer while the reminisced on their lost friend. I really enjoyed listening to the stories, but there was one in particular that caught me off guard.

"I remember when Andrew and Amelia first started going out. He called me up two weeks after he met her and he said, 'Eric, how soon is too soon?' And I was like 'what?' And he was like 'how soon is too soon to know that she's the one?' And the way he said it, happier than I'd ever heard him before, I knew that Amelia was going to be a permanent member of the group." Eric admitted.

I had never heard that story before. Not even at out wedding in which Eric was the best man.

I quickly excused myself from the group and walked back to our bedroom. I wanted him back. I wanted him back so bad.

I swung open the door to our closet and grabbed a dirty t-shirt of his. I sat on the floor and clutched his clothing to my chest as I cried for the man I would never see again. We'd only had four years together. In what world was that fair?