When I Look at the Stars, I Feel Like Myself

“Hey,” I knocked on The Maine's hotel room door. I had just gotten back from my run and shower when Dalton informed me that he and Elina were making a stop at a tattoo place. Apparently, everyone was invited.

“Hey.” Garret answered, wearing a thin undershirt and boxers, rubbing his face.

“Are you just now getting up, lazybones?” I teased lightly, poking his stomach.

He groaned in protest, “Tell that to your boyfriend, he's snoring like an overweight bear right now.” But, in fact, John wasn't snoring. He was just sleeping soundly on the bed, tangled up in sheets and blankets.

I hadn't seen him much but for a few brief moments last night due to me being really tired and he being really busy all of the sudden. I approached softly, Jared, Pat, and Kenny missing from the room, when I was close enough, I pounced on the bed.

John woke up with a loud curse, looking at me in utter confusion. “Morning, John!” I exclaimed, laughing. I was sitting on his stomach.

“What are you doing, sunshine?” He asked, laughing now, too. But something was missing. His eyes didn't sparkle like they normally did when he called me that. Instead of dwelling on it, I answered.

“We're going for tattoos today, want to come with?” I asked, “Gary, you're invited too.” I called to Garret who had settled back into the other bed. “Do you want to?” I asked again, smiling excitedly at John.

He rubbed his face in a tired fashion, “Sure, but only if you promise not to wake me up like that again.”

“I thought it was funny. She looked like a lion.” Garret mentioned.

“More like an ambitious kitten.” John muttered, throwing me a crooked smile.

“You're not nice.” I pouted, “I'm a lion.”

“Sure, Ri, whatever you say.” John chuckled.

“You learn fast.” I complimented, “I'm always right.” I leaned down to give him a good morning peck on the lips.

“So, what are you thinking for a tattoo?” John asked casually, resting his hands on my thighs as I was still sitting on him.

I tapped my chin, humming in thought. “I don't know.”

“Oh, yeah you do, it's on your list, to get a tattoo, so you must have imagined what it would be of.”

“Yeah, but I was fourteen, it was going to be of Pikachu at that time. Or a Pokeball.”

“Right on!” Garret interjected, throwing his fist in the air.

“You really haven't thought about it since then?” John cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Well, yeah, bu--”

“Tell me.” John coaxed.

“Okay, but you're going to think it's stupid.” I gave in and continued before he could say anything, “You know how I mentioned I loved your lyric: 'We only breathe for so long' well, I was thinking that...with like a pink ribbon swirling around it and maybe a few stars...”

“That's not stupid, Riley.” John softly replied, looking into my eyes deeply.

Where was that stupid and endearing light in his eyes?

“Are you okay, John?” I asked, now it was my turn to ask.

“Yeah.” He said almost immediately, “Yeah, Riles. I'm fine.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, worry tinged my words.

“Yeah, now let me up so we can get you that tattoo.”

I shook my head, “Nope. We're not leaving for a few hours.” I announced.

“Well then why'd you wake me up?” He groaned, and I pouted at him.

“Because I wanted to cuddle.” I said slipping in next to him. “See? Cuddle.” I said, squishing myself next to him. “But I wouldn't mind a movie.” I said thoughtfully.

“Okay, what movie?”

“There was this one what I wanted to see but never got the chance. How to Train Your Dragon I think was its name.” I informed. “It's out on DVD I could go really quick and grab some popcorn and the movie and come back and we could watch it.”

“Sounds great.” John muttered, but trapped me against him with an arm around my waist, burying his face in my neck.

“Uhhhh, John?” I asked after a couple moments. “I kind of need to get up.” I nudged him. He didn't move. “John!” I whined, holding out the 'O' in his name. “I really want to see this movie.”

Voice muffled by the bed and my hair, he said something I didn't quite understand and released me. I hopped off the bed and out the door, going to ask Ross or someone to take me to Wal Mart.

About twenty minutes later, I returned to The Maine's hotel room, movie and a bag of snacks in my hands. Garret was still on the other bed and I figured this wasn't just going to be a John and Riley thing. Not that there was anything wrong with that, I liked Garret. He was funny.

“I got Twizzlers, Skittles, and Peach Rings.” I said laying them out beside the popcorn. I put a bag in the microwave to pop and then dug in John's backpack for his laptop, all the while, John was still face down on the mattress.

Settling next to him with the laptop, movie, and junk food, I poked his cheek. When he didn't respond, I frowned. How do I wake a sleeping John up? I would probably have to resort to evil methods. Like ice on his back since I couldn't jump on him again.

Smirking, I kissed his shoulder. Nothing. I trailed kisses across his shoulder and still got nothing. He slept like the dead sometimes. Sighing, I placed my mouth on his neck, my teeth accidentally scraping against his skin.

“Are you molesting me?” John said in a husky and sexy voice.

“I'm trying to wake you up so we can watch the movie.”

“I'm up. Problem is, I don't want to watch the movie anymore.” He muttered before kissing me. It was a deeper kiss than any I've ever experienced, and it slammed down on my spine, unsettling my stomach in a pleasant way.

And, if I didn't really want to watch the movie, I probably wouldn't have stopped. Oh, and the fact that Garret was on the other bed.

I pulled away, breathless and gently pushed John away, “Alright, horn dog, we've got a movie to watch.”

“Your fault for kissing my neck.” He grumbled, starting up his computer.

“Hmmm...” I hummed evilly, “So all I have to do is kiss your neck...”

“Don't.” He warned pushing his shoulders up against his neck to block my access as I tried to get to his neck, giggling when he tried to move farther away from me.

“Oh, for Pete's sake! Just watch the stupid movie!” Garret exclaimed, getting out of bed and grumbling as he pulled on some pants, leaving.

John and I looked at each other before bursting into laughter. 98 adorable minutes later, the credits started rolling. “I want a dragon.” I looked at John. “Toothless was like a cat mixed with a dog mixed with a human!”

“I take it you like the movie?”

“I loved it!” I smiled, climbing on his back, “Now, go, fearless dragon!”

John groaned, “Again with the sitting.”

“Fly!”

“Now I'm a dragon?”

“Yeah! Now let's go and...I don't know...bug someone.”

“No. Dragon sleep time.”

“Awww. What if I come up with a really adorable name for you? Like Johnnycakes?”

“Nope.”

I slid back next to John and he moved to crush me in a hug. “Hmmmm. I wonder.” I muttered, kissing under John's chin. His grip weakened, his weight on me increasing as his muscles went limp. I pulled away, “You are a dragon!”

As I started to speak some more, John's lips found my neck, just under my chin. The words caught in my throat and butterflies erupted in my stomach. “Then you are too.”

“You can be the tiny one that tries to take Toothless' fish, then.” I mentioned, running my fingers through John's hair. “And I'll be the Night Fury.”

“Hey!” John protested. “I'm the Night Fury.”

“Nuh-uhh.” I shook my head, “You're not...cool enough.”

“Well, you're not fierce enough.”

“Wait...you have green eyes...”

“Yeah, see? I'm a Night Fury.”

“Can we both be Night Furies?” I pouted.

“Yeah, Riley, we'll both be Night Furies.” He smiled, kissing me softly.

“That makes Garret the tiny one.” I mentioned, causing John to laugh. “And Ross can be the gigantic one at that end.”

“I think all our tour managers can be that one. Combined.” John corrected, settling back down next to me, head in my neck.

There was a knock at the door, and then Dalton's voice, “Yo, sex kitten, we're ready to go to the tattoo parlor.”

I smiled wide, “Put on your clothes, John, you're coming too.”

“WOW!” Dalton shouted from the other side of the door.

“You didn't hear anything!” I shouted back, scooting off the bed.

“I heard enough, you dirty girl.”

I opened the door on him, “You're such a liar, Dalt.” I rolled my eyes. “But I figured out what I'm going to do.”

“Oh really, what?”

“You'll see.” I smiled, going back to our own hotel room where I got out my little doodle book which I had the sketch of the tattoo that I wanted.

On the way, I was bouncing with excitement and anticipation. “Where are you going to get it?” John asked, sunglasses obscuring his beautiful eyes.

I shrugged, “I was thinking in between my shoulder blades, but I heard that hurts really bad, so maybe just...” I pointed at my collarbone, “Right there?”

“I think you should get it on your back anyway, just on the shoulder.” Elina suggested.

“You think?” I asked, looking towards her and Zack. “I considered that, does it hurt?”

“Not really.” Zack shrugged, “If it does, John can let you cut the circulation out of his fingers for a bit.” I smiled, nodding.

When we arrived, I looked around the place, drawings and sketches hung all over the walls. I couldn't stop looking at them. Especially when my eyes caught on a certain swirling black fire breathing creature. “John! Look! It's us!” I pointed to the dragon.

He laughed while everyone else gave us a weird look. “Maybe I should get that tattooed.” He joked.

“On your back!” I exclaimed, “Or on your chest, that would be sexy.” I giggled.

Garret groaned, “I'm so sick of you two.”

“You're just jealous, Gar-bear.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“No, you two are too adorable, I might puke a rainbow.” Garret shot back.

“I think he's jealous.” I looked at John again for affirmation.

“I think so too.” John nodded.

“I have a friend in Phoenix that would be totally interested in you.” I mentioned, smiling at Garret.

“Uhhhh, no, thanks. You know what would make me feel better?” He asked, “Keep the PDA to a minimum.”

“I lied, Garret's the big one at the end.” I said to John, stepping away.

“Oh, leave the two alone, sourpuss.” Dalton said, wrapping an arm around Garret's shoulders, “They can't help they're so totally in lurve.”

“Lurve?” Garret asked, his eyebrows together.

Dalton shrugged, ignoring the question and pushed me into the chair for the dude to start the tattoo. I showed him the picture and explained what I wanted and where I wanted it. “Do you want the coloring done as well today?”

I nodded, “I don't know when I'll be able to get it finished.” I explained, pulling off my plaid shirt and slipping the straps of my tank top and bra off my shoulder. I tried to relax because in my experience with needles, it hurt worse when you tensed your muscles. “You'd think I'd be okay with needles by now.” I smiled crookedly at John and laughed nervously.

“Just relax, Sunshine.” John instructed, “They don't hurt as much as people make them out to.”

“Easy for you to say, Mr. Ohh, you've had them done before. I don't believe you.” I looked at him and narrowed my eyes.

“Okay, sure. They hurt like heck.” John rolled his eyes. “By the way, he's already started.”

The artist chuckled when I looked back at him, already on the ending loop of the 'W' this guy worked fast. I smiled, “Huh, look at that. I could probably fall asleep.”

“You have a high tolerance.” John mentioned, “For pain.”

I shrugged the opposite shoulder of the one I was still looking at. “It stings a little, but that's about it.”

Within two hours, the whole thing was done. “Now it hurts worse.” I whined, wincing as I slipped on my shirt again. “Is that normal?”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded, looking at his own Blink Bunny that he had touched up, he poked it. “You just need to keep putting lotion on it. But none of the smelly kind, that makes it hurt because of the alcohol.”

“I don't have any not smelly lotion.” I thought out loud, looking for Elina. She was with another person, getting the last part done on her tattoo. I thought if was nice of her to get a tattoo for her sister and I wondered if, when I died, anyone would do that for me.

“I have some, you could borrow it.” Jack smiled, returning to Holland.

“Owwwww.” I pouted, leaning against John, “I can't go on.” I said dramatically. “Go without me.”

“Wimp.” John laughed, pushing me upright, “Do you want me to kiss it all better?”

“What did I say about PDA?” Garret warned, pointing at us sternly.

“This is minimum.” I said innocently, batting my eyelashes.

“Do we have to go back to Junior high? Text book width away at all times!” He commanded. John took a step away from me.

“Is this far enough Papa Garret?” He asked, teasing.

“Yeah, that's good.” Garret nodded, content.

“Now, what are we going to do?” Zack asked, “It's just after six.” Everyone had tattoos touched up and even a few new small ones and the day was almost over.

“What is there to do in Montana?” Calvin asked, checking his phone. “All I've seen so far is cows and corn.”

“No, I think Nebraska is the one with corn.” Dalton mentioned.

“Whatever. It's boring.” He sighed, then turned to the two workers in the shop, “No offense.”

“Nehh, we agree.” The man shrugged. “But there is this really cool...” He stopped.

“You can go to the view points and stuff, that's about all there is here.” The girl laughed, “They're actually very pretty, you know. Make sure to bring your cameras.”

“Or you could go find a hill to roll down.” The guy suggested.

“What do you say, gang?” Jack asked. “Do you want to go get grass stains?” We all headed back towards the cars.

I gave a big yawn, and suddenly felt tired. “I'm sleepy.” I rubbed my eyes, feeling weak. “And I need to call my mom...but everyone else can go if you want.”

“Okay, John and Riley are going back, anyone else?”

“Actually, I want to go with everyone.” John mentioned, surprising me. Along with everyone else, I'm sure.

“Really?” Pat asked, eyebrows high on his forehead.

“Yeah, I love the fresh air.” He nodded, “Are you okay with that, Riley?” He asked me.

I nodded, “Yeah, John, go have some fun.”

When we got back, I went onto the bus, alone and a little rejected. I mean, it made sense that John wanted to hang out with all his friends, and we did spend all day together but...

I don't know, I'm selfish when it comes to John. I shrugged it off and changed into basketball shorts and a hoodie. I pulled out my phone and dialed my mom's number. Sliding into my bunk, she answered.

“Hello, honey, how are you?”

“I'm just fine, mom.” I forced my voice not to sound too weak or tired. “Can you call my oncologist and get an appointment set up a couple days after we come home?” I asked her right away.

“Of course, Riley.” She said affectionately.

“Oh, yeah, I got a tattoo today.”

“WHAT?” She exclaimed, “A tattoo? You didn't tell me beforehand?”

“It kind of slipped my mind.” I shrugged, thinking back to John in his hotel room. “I was busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Uhhh....watching a movie?”

“It's all because of that band guy you've been dating, isn't it?”

“No, mom, he didn't have any sway in my decision.” I defended.

“I don't think that boy is right for you.”

“Who are you to decide?” I asked, temper rising. “You've never even met him.”

“And I bet he drinks and smokes and is covered in tattoos.”

“But he never forces me to do what he does, mom. He doesn't even ask.” I informed her, keeping my voice even.

“I still don't want--”

“He's there for me mom, and he is the one who changed my mind about Chemo, do you still hate him?” I asked, and before she could answer, I continued, “I'm going to either sleep or study, mom, I'll call you later this week.”

Hanging up the phone, I huddled in my blankets and went to sleep. Sometimes, she just didn't understand.