This Is My Love

The line was silent for a moment, but that was okay, since I was mostly talking to myself, and the age old battle of whether or not ignorance was bliss crept into my mind and took up residence. Finally, after about half a minute of silence on both ends, Phil let out a held breath and spoke up.
"Ano, you need to talk to Pete about this," he whispered. I pinched my eyes shut to keep the tears from streaming out. Phil was basically confirming it.
"What happened, Phil?" I begged, then continued to plead silently until he spoke.

"Ano, I'm worried about him," he started, then paused as if waiting for me to push him on, but I stayed silent and waited for him to continue, not only because I felt I lost the ability to speak without choking on sobs, but because I didn't feel I should rush him. "Here's what happened... After the second week of the tour, we met this group of people. I didn't like them, I thought they were shady, but Pete took to them for some reason or another. At the time, I didn't understand, until I started to see the changes... Ano, he was doing coke again," he stated in a pained voice. I took in a sharp breath and let it out in a sob. Pete had spoke to me about the brief problem he'd had with cocaine years back. He had gotten over it, and was doing well, but we were always afraid he would do it again.

"It's the wedding. I knew it! I don't understand, he wanted to do this-"
"No, Ano, he wants to marry you. Trust me, baby, he loves you. He's long been talking about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you. It's not the wedding. There's something he didn't tell you, and I'm guessing you haven't heard... It was found out that he was a coke addict and it was put all over the Internet just a couple days before the tour. People were saying horrible things and it made him feel... Worthless. He felt bad enough about it. But, I guess it made him feel shitty enough to start doing it again," he informed me. My heart was literally breaking in my chest. My throat burned from unshed tears and my vision was blurry and out of focus.
"Ano?" Phil cooed from the other end. "Honey, it's alright to cry."

So I did. I let it all out. I cried tears of pain for him, and fear for us. I didn't know how to handle a relapsing addict. What would this mean?
"Oh, Bruno," I cried. "Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"It's not personal, Ano, please. He didn't even tell us until we cornered him, and even then he begged us to let him tell you in person." His voice took on a pleading tone, clearly torn between helping me and keeping his promise to his friend.
"Is that everything, Phil? Is that all I need to know?" I pushed, though I knew the answer already. He let out a shaky breath.
"No... Ano," he paused as if to find the right words, but there were only two, "he cheated."

My body sunk to the floor along with my spirit. I dropped the phone onto the floor and just cried into my knees. Huge, body racking sobs. I cried like I'd never cried before. Once I got it all out, I took a couple deep breaths and picked the phone up, surprised to see that Phil had waited for me.
"With who? How many times... Why?" I whispered hoarsely.
"It was just once with some stupid whore while he was partying. He couldn't handle it, Ano, and now he's out of control with the drugs. He can't face himself, let alone you. And Ano, I don't know what you're thinking, but please think very hard over whether or not you should leave him. I know how much this must hurt, baby, but think of how much worse he'll get if you leave. He needs you," he practically begged. My thoughts were swimming. He was right, but how could I face him? How do I know this was the first time? He cheated on his girlfriend with me when we were reunited, yet I pushed it into the back of my mind. He was now "Bruno Mars, internationally famous singer/songwriter/producer" and all around fucking musical genius as far as I was concerned. Why would I be special?

Just then, my line beeped. My heart jumped. I took the phone away from my ear to look at the caller I.D. As soon as I saw his name and the picture of him that I used as his contact photo, all the air rushed from my lungs. I began to go into a panic attack, my breaths coming out in dry heaves and my heart racing against my chest. I quickly put the phone back up to my ear.

"He's calling me," I whispered to Phil like Pete was in the room. His breathing increased as well.
"Ano, don't answer in this condition. Give yourself time to be rational. Ano, sweetie-"
"Phil, I have to go," I whispered quickly and mindlessly before hanging up the phone. I stared at the screen for a while as Pete's picture faded away and my screen went back to the home screen wallpaper. I had missed the call, and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it. My fingers twitched as I debated calling him back. Phil was right, I was in no condition to speak to him rationally. I was much too hurt. But I also felt like this had to be addressed right away. I sat there and thought it over more thoroughly. I wouldn't call him back right now.
But I didn't think about if he'd call me back. Soon, it didn't matter. My ringtone for his contact was going off (Count On Me) and his face was on the screen again. As I stared at the picture on the screen and listened to us sing to each other about always being there, my feelings mixed and mixed until they were boiling over. I gritted my teeth in anger at the lies he sang to me as he smiled at me from the picture on my screen before throwing the phone hard across the room. It crashed loudly before going silent.

"Fuck!" I screamed into the air. Well, that should keep me from calling him... Or answering.
I stood up from my spot on the kitchen floor and stumbled over to the broken pieces of cellphone on the floor. I stared at them mindlessly for a moment, feeling physically and mentally fatigued, before decided I just wanted to sleep.. If such a thing was possible.