Hey Little Razorblade

Love is a funny thing.

One minute you're in love, and the next thing you know, your heart is being torn, and stomped to pieces.

That's exactly what happened to me. I gave my heart, my all so willing to some one, just to have that person stab me in the heart. But I never once said a word. I just waited for him to realize how good he had with me; I waited for him to change.

I had to face my reality: He never was going to change. Matt Friction was always going to be.

When we were together, everything was fine. We acted like a couple, we did couple things, but things always changed when he was away. I just wished he could stay that way always.

He couldn't stay faithful to me, and I knew it. At first, I played dumb, and then I acted as if I didn't care, and lastly, everything came out, and I became the 'jealous' girlfriend. All the girls he slept with knew he had a girlfriend, but none of them cared, and neither did he.

Overall this past year for the both us has been crazy. He is always away on tour, and I am here trying to get through school. Jon still does his best to not come between Matt and me but it doesn't work.

All I know is in the end, I love and hate Matt, and there is no way to get around that.

I believed his brilliant lie; I kept putting myself in this position. I just needed to realize that I was better than him, that I didn't need him, that he needed me. But I couldn't get away from him.

I began to drink more, hell I even turned to drugs sometimes, but that never stopped Matt from cheating. He encouraged my behavior instead.

The only thing I really wanted was for him to let me go. I wanted him to let me be. So when he didn't, I decided to get my revenge. I started looking for any guy who gave attention, and wanted a quick fuck.

Matt found out of course, but we fought and then made up afterwards. That never stopped us from being together.

This leads us to where I am today. I woke up in the arms from the guy last night. I don't even remember his name. I quietly put my clothes on and walked out of the hotel room.

To my surprise I saw Matt doing the same thing.

He looked at me, and I looked at him. We already knew what happened the night before. No words needed to be said. We both quietly slipped into the elevator. I pressed the Lobby button. I knew he was going to make a remark about my actions; I was waiting for it.

"Have fun last night?" Matt asked.

See? I told you he would.

I nodded my head with a grin plastered on my face. "Tons of fun." I answered with satisfaction. "What about you?"

He shook his head. Then he leaned down to my right ear and whispered, "She wasn't as good of a fuck as you."

My eyes widen at the shock. I turned my body and lifted my hand. I slapped him across the face. "Fuck. You." I hissed.

Matt grabbed his cheek, and glared at me. I was going to hit him again, but he grabbed my wrist. "Why did you do that?"

I snatched my wrist out of his grip. "Because you're an asshole." I stated.

Before he had time to say anything else, the elevator door opened, and I stormed out of the hotel. I wasn't going to take his shit anymore.

This time I mean it.

If only he didn't come running after me. If only I could get him out of my heart, and head. Maybe if I kept running away from him, it would happen.

"Chloe, I said to stop." Matt yelled grabbing my waist with one arm. He pulled my body close to his.

I began to fight him. "Get. Away. From. Me." I screamed. I started kicking and scratching his arm.

"Fuck!" He yelled as I dug my nails into his skin and breaking it. He let go of me. I fell to the ground, and started sobbing.

Matt kneeled to my level and pulled me into a hug.

"I hate you, Matt. I really do hate you." I cried into his chest.

He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair. "No you don't. You love me just as much as I love you." He said softly.

I looked up at him. "Then why do we keep doing this? Why do you keep doing this?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."

I stood up and wiped away the tears that fell. "Maybe we need to take a break until you can decide what you want." I suggested.

He stood up and shook his head at me. "No. I know what I want. I don't need no fucking time to decide." He said irritably.

"Well, I do. I don't think this is working out. I want us to break up." I said firmly. I was going to stand my ground this time. I wasn't going to let him change my mind about it.

"Too bad sweetheart, we're not breaking up."

"Why can't you let me go?" I yelled angrily.

"Because I love you and you love me. We are going to work this out, and be happy."

"I can't be happy anymore. I'm not happy anymore. Haven’t you noticed?" I cried.

Matt stayed silent. My tears couldn't stop this time. He didn't understand the pain he's putting me through, and worst of all, he doesn't care.

He pulled me into a passionate kiss. I pulled away and just looked at him.

"I'm sorry." I said softly. I walked away.

Hopefully, forever.