My Little Bubble , Needs To Be Popped

A few weeks had past and things had mostly been pretty calm. I’d tried not to think about what had happened that night at the party but I didn’t have to do much work. I was busy with getting things set up, making sure everything was okay with the shows, and when I wasn’t doing something for the band the boys kept me pretty busy. They understood I couldn’t think about what happened or I’d just break down again. There were moments when my mind snuck through my busy life and managed to get me thinking about it and I’d already reached the point where I’d fully admitted it to myself.

I had slept with John.

What pissed me off about the whole thing was to John, it was nothing. Not a single word had been uttered since that morning but Jared kept reassuring me that it was only because he probably didn’t want to scare me off. In my eyes, it was John not being a man once more. The hardest thing about this whole issue was the way my feelings were completely free and open. I’d spent these past few weeks trying to lock them away once more but they were open and I couldn’t do anything. When I’d called Benji that night to tell him about what happened he went through everything to get me to calm down before giving me helpful advice which I was trying to follow by.

It was a new morning and I was planning on sleeping in till really late despite that fact that Zoey Lovell was here. She’d come in during the night and I was still awake so I was able to talk to her for a bit before I went to bed and left Kennedy and Zoey to themselves. I’m sure they wanted to spend time together considering. Anyway, morning came around and I had just started stretching my arms out when my stomach started rumbling in a very wrong way and suddenly the taste of vile was dominate in my mouth. I lurched up from the bunk and dropped down hard, running straight to the bathroom with no time to shut the door.

The vomit had no hesitation in leaving my system, burning my throat as it came up and into the toilet. Well, there went my awesome dinner from last night. Footsteps suddenly came into my hearing range and I looked up slightly, spotting Zoey looking down at me with a concerned look.

“Close the door.” I whispered out quietly, resting my head on the side of the porcelain bowl.

She nodded and did as I asked, closing the door behind her before she came over and gathered up my hair as my face twisted in disgust before I threw up once more into the toilet.

“Are you okay Lilly?” Zoey asked, rubbing my back with her free hand soothingly.

“No…Shit, the last thing I need right now is to get sick!” I yelled out in frustration as I flushed the toilet and laid my head back down on the cold toilet seat.

I know, gross but when you’re sick and you need something cold to rest on…well, you tend to use what you’ve got.

“Was it sudden?” Zoey asked as she reached over and handed me a tissue to wipe my mouth with.

“Yes…I mean, not really. I’ve been feeling exhausted and I’ve had a lot of headaches lately. I should have known I was getting sick.”

“You probably just have the flu or some virus going around. You’ll be okay but for now, I think you should stay in the bathroom.”

We both laugh but I stopped short, groaning before I twisted over and threw up once again. Zoey was quick to keep my hair out of the way again but when John’s voice came through the door, we both froze and looked up to the door. I opened my mouth to say something to her but it seemed like my stomach wasn’t finished with getting rid of everything in my stomach since I went down once more, a groan leaving my lips as I felt the energy just leaving me.

“Just stay right here.” Zoey whispered in my ear, already knowing about everything that had happened so she knew I didn’t want to face John right now.

I didn’t bother listening in on their conversation, more so keeping myself propped up and thinking about John wanting to know if I was okay. At least, despite everything going on he still cared about my wellbeing. I had a feeling, if time hadn’t played out like it had he’d have been the one holding back my hair and running a hand down my back soothingly. Part of me wished he was doing that right now, the other part wanted him as far away as possible.

My ears picked up John’s voice again; his words making me cringe because of the caring tone they held. Why did he have to make hating him so difficult?

“Thanks John…” I said in a raspy voice, my throat raw and burning but at least my stomach now felt a lot better.

Somehow I managed to get to my knees and Zoey came into the bathroom, helping me to my feet. After I assured her that I’d be able to brush my teeth without falling over she left, going out to main area where I could see her looking for something. Shaking my head slowly, I turned to face the sink and brushed my teeth, rinsing my mouth out when I finished before looking up into the mirror as I dried my mouth and my hands. I looked like shit compared to just the other day when I hadn’t been throwing up in the toilet whatever was left in my stomach.

I stumbled my way to the main area past the bunks, grabbing the bottle of water that Zoey had gotten out for me before I walked back to the bunk area and climbed up into my bunk, burying my face into my pillow with a groan leaving my lips. Kenny’s girlfriend laughed at me as she fixed my blanket that was bundled up at the foot of the bunk I was in.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get better. I’m gonna go find you some medicine that’ll help.”

My mind was assuming she left because I didn’t really hear anything, my mind just zoning in and out so I was barely even coherent. Slowly I started to drift to sleep and I was welcoming it because I seemed to feel better then more I fell into a deep sleep.

“Lilly!”

Well that fucking lasted a long time! I groaned and propped myself up, peeking my head out of the bunk.

“Do me a favor and learn how to shut the fuck up.” I grumbled, hearing the distinct laugh of Zoey.

“Well someone is certainly grumpy. I need you to come here. Now.”

Garrett’s tone got serious at the end of his words, making me wondering just what was going on as I slid out from bed and stumbled over toward the couch area. I dropped down on the couch Garrett was on like a sack of potatoes, leaning my head back before rolling it to the side to look at him.

“You called?” I said with a cheesy grin, Garrett cracking a smile but it disappeared a moment later.

“Have you been throwing up?”

“Is it that obvious?” I groaned out, looking away from him to the bathroom which I was damning to hell at the moment.

Garrett looked at me for a moment before looking over to Zoey who seemed to catch the message and left the bus, leaving us alone. Alright, now I was starting to get scared.

“Garrett, what’s going on?” I asked quietly, shifting so I was sitting on my knees.

“Lilly…think about it. You’ve been throwing up, feeling like shit, and you’ve been sleeping a lot.”

My mind was reeling, trying to figure out just what he was getting at. I was sick, just a cold or some bug that was in the air. I mean, unless he’s hinting at…that’s impossible though. I mean I just…I haven’t had my period…No worries, I’m probably just a couple of days later and that happens all the time.

Without looking at Garrett I got up and headed over to my bunk, pulling out my phone and looking at the calendar.

“Shit! I’m three weeks late!” I screamed out, nearly dropping my phone onto the floor.

“Lilly, calm down…”

“No! I can’t have this happen to me Garrett! No now, not anytime soon and certainly not with him! I mean, maybe I did have it and I just didn’t realize? Yeah, that sounds right. There, no need to worry!”

Why couldn’t I even convince myself?

Garrett walked over, wrapping his arms around my small shaking frame as tears poured down my face. “I’m sorry Lilly but I have a good feeling you’re pregnant.”

• • • •

I’d been sleeping since the morning time, curling up in my bunk and trying hard to hold onto reality. I couldn’t be pregnant but after getting four tests and all of them coming out positive, I knew I couldn’t sit here and try to deny the fact. I’d broken down; Garrett calming down before he disposed of the tests so no one would find them while I curled up in my bunk. I hadn’t left this spot since and I had no plans of doing so since I not only felt like shit but I didn’t want to face John.

I had no clue what time it was when I started hearing noise but I knew it was late since all the boys were back from their show. A groan left my lips as I rolled over, tightening in my little ball but I couldn’t stay like that long, the curtain I had was pulled back to reveal Zoey with a smile.

“How are you feeling?” She asked quietly, leaning against the side panel.

“Like shit.”

“Well this might make you feel better. I recorded it tonight just for you.”

She handed me her phone and I took it, giving her a confused look before I pressed play, listening quietly as static came up before I heard John’s voice pouring through the phone, opening up a new song. He’d written a song….for me? I could feel myself tearing up as he started singing, my mind listening to the words as they poured through the phone. When the recording ended silent tears were rolling down my face but a smile was on my lips.

“I think he really cares about you still despite everything that happened.”

“I know he does…”

“So are you gonna tell him?”

I bit my lip, looking at Zoey before shaking my head lightly.

“I can’t do that to him. He’s got everything going great and things are still rocky for us. Maybe sometime in the future but not now.”

It wasn’t hard to tell that Zoey didn’t agree with me, she wanted me to tell him now but I could see she wasn’t going to say anything, letting me handle this. After Zoey left I stared at the ceiling of my bunk for the longest time before my hand dug around in my bag, pulling out the pack of cigarettes. I was just about to get up and go outside when I realized I couldn’t smoke anymore. It would hurt the baby.

“Fuck!” I cursed loudly, throwing the pack back into my bunk before dropping down to the floor on my feet.

“You okay?” Jared asked, obviously worried but smiled when I smiled at him.

“Just realized I can’t smoke anymore at the moment.” I whispered, leaning back against the side panel as Jared chuckled.

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

I nodded though not liking the fact at all. “Where’s John?”

“In his bunk. We’re all going to sleep since it was a busy night.”

Biting my lip, I nodded and just headed up into my bunk once more. For the longest time I just laid there, listening to the sounds in the bus as people started to go to bed but it seemed like forever before it was finally quiet all around the bus. Carefully, I climbed out and headed to the mini fridge to get something to drink, pouting at the sight of the beer that was in there. I wouldn’t even be able to drink my worries away anymore. Sighing, I closed the little door and just leaned against the small kitchenette counter while the cold air swirled around me. I hugged myself to try and keep warm as I headed back to the bunk area, listening quietly to the snores before I walked over to John’s bunk, staring for a moment before I pushed the curtain back, tapping his nose gently till he shifted around and his eyes opened.

I ignored the shocked look on his face and smiled warmly before I climbed into his bunk and curling up into his side, loving the way he instinctively wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

“I’m sorry about everything John…I should have just gotten over what happened and tried to make things easier for us but…I still love you and it just hurt so much…” I paused, biting my lip before I leaned up and pressed my lips against his gently. “I want to get past all that…I want us to be together again just like before. When I’m with you, I always feel complete and safe. In a way, you feel like home to me and I can’t stay away from you…”

I buried my face in the crook of his neck, savoring the warmth that poured from him and encircled me. I wasn’t doing this only for the baby but also for myself. After everything, I’d realized that I couldn’t just keep torturing myself by staying away from him. I love John and I knew somewhere in my heart that no matter what happens I always will love him.

“So does that mean…” John whispered quietly into my ear, trailing off since he seemed to be wrapping his mind around everything going on.

“That means that I want you. John Cornelius O'Callaghan the Fifth, would you do me the honor and be my boyfriend?”

Even in the dark, I could see the huge smile forming on his lips before he bent down and kissed me. The sparks shot all along through my body as I kissed him back, missing the feel of his lips on mine.

“Is that a yes?” I asked quietly when he pulled away to rest his forehead against mine.

“That’s a fuck yes!” He whispered loudly, making me giggle.

“But, you have to take me on a proper first date soon and I don’t want this to be like last time John…” He knew what I meant by the ending, I didn’t want him to cheat on me again.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to go through that again and stick around. It would be another breakdown and another leave with no goodbye though this time would be harder because I was carrying John’s child. Part of the reason I didn’t want to tell him was because I wanted to know for sure that he had changed, that he wasn’t the same as he used to be and wouldn’t cheat on me anymore. I couldn’t stay with John if he was going to hurt me and the baby like that. A yawn left my lips and I curled deeper into John’s side, smiling as I fell asleep.