My Little Bubble , Needs To Be Popped

A deep breath circulate through me as I just stopped fidgeting around, shaking my head when John disappeared. I knew if I was going to actually stick around for this whole tour I needed to get over this but it was hard after not seeing him for so long. I felt someone pushed me slightly, looking up at Garrett who just smiled and let me go. Quietly I walked up the steps and onto the bus, looking around and rolling my eyes.

“I see you boys haven’t changed.” I said with a laugh as I moved around and sat down on one of the couches, instantly relaxing.

“You haven’t either from what it looks like.” Jared commented, sitting down next to me.

“Physically no. Mentally, yes.”

Garrett gave me a weird look but I just shrugged it off, not bothering to explain myself. I just wasn’t as open as I used to be. Even since the party I’d closed myself off from trusting people, Benji being the only person I’ve ever really let into my life since I left home. From what it looked like, the boys really hadn’t changed much either but I more so wanted to know about John.

As much as seeing him killed me I so badly just wanted to know if he regretted what he did. I’d been stupid to think that John would call me or come after me, even keeping my stuff still packed up for a week after arriving at my new home. Part of me wanted to believe that he did, that he had been depressed after what happened but another part of me couldn’t help but think that if he’d cheated on me so easily, that he felt nothing at all.

“Lilly?”

I snapped my head to Pat who had apparently been calling my name for a while now but I hadn’t been responding.

“I’m so sorry; I got caught up in my thoughts. Where did…” I trailed off, looking to Garrett who pointed to the back.

“He’ll have to come out eventually.” Jared whispered, making me look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Seriously? There’s no point in him hiding, he wasn’t the one who got cheated on.” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

Kennedy was quick to speak up, “Lilly be easy. Trust me, we’re still pissed at what he did but I think he’s still beating himself up over it.”

“If he cared, he would have come after me.”

“You two can’t be at each other’s throats during this whole tour Lilly. Maybe talking to him will help?” Pat suggested as he sat down on my other side.

I didn’t say anything since my phone started buzzing so I pulled it out from my bag and looked down at it, a smile on my lips as I saw that it was Benji being overly worried as usual. I sent him a quick text that I’d landed safely and was with the boys before I slipped my phone back into my bag and looked up at the sound of my name.

“So Lilly, where did you go? I mean…no one could really find you. I know Garrett had been looking for a while.” Kennedy asked, taking the spot that Jared had freed up since he’d disappeared.

“New york actually, I figured if I wanted to do something with my life then that would probably be the best place to do it.”

All the boys nodded, making me look at them weirdly since it seemed like they were all uncomfortable though I realized a moment later that it was because Jared had come back and with a certain someone behind him. A lump instantly formed in my throat as my eyes traveled along him, swallowing it down as I shifted around uncomfortably. Now was where I was going to have to decide if I should actually let out that I was still pissed at him or if I should just shove that all down for the sake of my boys.

“It’s been a long time John.” I said quietly, giving him the best smile I could muster before looking down at my bag when my phone went off again, this time to ringtone for Benji going off.

“Excuse me, I better take this.” I said quietly, grabbing my phone and heading out of the bus and outside before pressing ‘TALK’. “What’s going on Benji?”

“I’m just worried about you, need to hear your voice and make sure you were really okay.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Benji, I love you so much but you worry way too much. I really have to go and take care of a few things. I’ll call you tomorrow and that’s a promise.”

After a lot of whining from Benji I finally managed to hang up and I went back onto the bus, slinking past the boys and off to the bunk area. I quickly found my bag and unzipped it, messing around inside for a moment before groaning.

“Garrett! Can you bring me my bag? I left it over there.” I called out, shaking my head before tucking a stray strand of brown hair behind my ear.

“Looking for this?” I smiled and turned around, taking the bag from him and setting it down on the bed.

“Thanks Garrett.” He nodded but he didn’t move, actually he sat down on the floor, looking up at me as I shifted through my stuff in my bag and arranged my bunk around.

“Something wrong?” I asked quietly.

He shook his head, running a hand through his brown hair. “Not really…just trying to figure something out.”

The boys up front were getting louder and Garrett rolled his eyes, getting up and heading out there to see what was going on. I turned back to my stuff, pulling out a couple things before I zipped my bag up and shoved it to the foot of the bed. My eyes moved over the stuff that was in front of me which was basically my journal, my favourite pen, and a hat that I’d kept over the years. Sighing I opened the journal, looking at the picture pasted in the front of me and John. It was one of those picture perfect moments caught at the right moment and I never had the nerve to throw it away, same with the hat that was sitting on the bed.

It didn’t belong to me, more so to John and it was one of the many hats I used to steal from him all the time. I’d left everything that I had of his on his doorstep before I left except the hat that was sitting there since it was the one I was wearing in the picture. There were some things that I just couldn’t give up. Shaking my head I shoved everything under the pillow, deciding I’d go grab a smoke before the bus actually started moving off to the next destination but when I turned around I was met with John.

I stared at him for a moment before looking down, shuffling uncomfortably. I’d imagined seeing John so many times since I’d left home but none of them were like this.

“You haven’t changed much…still have the same messy hair.” I commented, smiling when I looked at his brown hair. I’d always loved his hair and used to play with it all the time. “Anyway, sorry if I’m in your way. I was just going to go smoke.”

I slid past him and headed out to the main area, rolling my eyes to see my boys messing around as usual but I just continued on and went back outside, leaning up against the bus. I took out my pack of cigarettes and took one out, slipping it between my lips before I put the pack back and grabbed Benji’s lighter. Flicking the turner I held the flame to the tip of the cigarette, putting the lighter back as I took a long drag before moving the cigarette and blowing the smoke out.