My Little Bubble , Needs To Be Popped

With my head bowed I watched as the cigarette I had between my fingers fell to the ground, using the toe of my right shoe to crush it out before I leaned back against the bus and stared up at the blue sky. My eyelids fluttered close and I let my mind wander, drifting off into its own thoughts.

I was tucked so delicately into his side, leaning into him as he wrapped his arm around my waist tightly as if protecting me from the worlds we were entering into as we walked through the threshold of the house that was trying not to break from the party that was in full swing. The roll in my stomach was enough to tell me that I was starting to grow uncomfortable with all of this but I had been like this all day and learned to ignore it. Ever since I woke up in the morning I felt like something was going to happen, something bad and yet here I was at a party.

“Where are the others?” I asked over the loud music that was making the floor vibrate under my soft footsteps.

“Somewhere around here, we’ll find them eventually.” John said near my ear so he didn’t have to shout.

His words had been right because we did find the boys a couple minutes later and from there we were enjoying the party. I wasn’t exactly a hard partier but I wasn’t some boring girl. I knew how to have fun and enjoy myself at a party so that’s what I did though I stayed away from the drinks as much as I could, knowing if I had too many then the next morning was going to be disastrous.

The more the night flew by, the more that bad feeling was starting to spiral around me, suffocating me and yet I was somehow still ignoring it. I didn’t want to believe that something bad could happen to everything good that I had in my life at the moment. John was at my side for most of the time though the way he was knocking back drinks like they were water made me worried slightly. At one point I tried to get him to stop.

“John, you should really stop. You’ll wake up with a horrible hangover tomorrow if you keep at the pace you are now.”

His head snapped to me, his brown eyes that usually melted my heart were clouded over, a clear sign that he was well close to being wasted.

“I’m f-fine Lily; don’t worry s-so much babe.” The way John stumbled over his words didn’t ease my worry though a look from Garrett made me back down and I just let it go.

I snapped my eyes open, still looking at the sky as the clouds rolled by like nothing bad was going on in the world. The more I thought about it, the more I regretted not getting John out of there as soon as I realized how bad he was. I shouldn’t have just passed it off as nothing and maybe none of this would have happened if I’d made him leave and we’d just left the party behind. Life didn’t work that way, I could rewind time and even if I could, would it have helped?

After what happened I’d always wondered whether or not John had cheated before that party. There had been multiple occasions where he’d gone out with the boys to a party and I’d stayed home and I never thought to ask or even wonder if something had happened.

Bring my hand to my face I wiped away a stray tear and pushed off the bus, going over to the door though I was stopped when Kennedy came barreling out and nearly sent me to the ground had he not caught me.

“Sorry Lily, I didn’t know you were there!”

“Totally fine, I’m okay so no need to worry.”

A laugh left my lips as I straightened myself out, backing away from the door so the boys could come out, all except John.

“So what’s going on?” I asked, curious as to where they were going.

“Setting up a bonfire! We figured it would be nice to have a night of fun with everyone so we’re going to gather up the other bands and supplies.” Jared explained as he pushed Patrick into a different direction.

All the boys spilt up till it was just me and Garrett, both of us laughing before we started walking along though I was really just following him since I had no idea where we were going.

“You can help me with building up the bonfire. We’ve gotta get the logs just right so the fire will stay strong and we don’t have to keep messing around with it.”

“So…where exactly are we going to have this bonfire?” I asked, pointing around to the parking lot that stretched around us.

Garrett laughed, point off to the end of the parking lot in the direction we were walking in. “There’s a small hill that goes down before breaking into a small little beach around this lake. It’ll be perfect.”

I nodded and after that we got to work, gathering up dry logs that would be good for the bonfire while also talking about what the boys had been up to lately. It was surprising, what I’d missed while being gone but it was nice to know that they hadn’t changed now that they had hit the music scene.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked as I dropped three new logs into our growing pile.

“You just did.” Garrett stated with a smile on his lips.

I rolled my eyes but got serious a moment later, standing still as I bit my lower lip nervously. “Has John…has he changed?” I asked, hoping he understand what I meant.

For a while it was quiet except for the sound of wood hitting wood before he stopped and sighed. “That’s something for you to decide Lily; I can’t really say whether or not he has.”

After that we just got back into easy conversation while we built up a pyramid with the logs, making sure everything was set properly before the others came back with lawn chairs, food, drinks, and everyone who was on the tour. I noticed someone was still missing and despite the fact that I didn’t want to feel worried about John, I was. Garrett came over shortly, point off to the Summer Set bus before looking down at me.

“Apparently John fell asleep on their bus, mind going to get him or should I send someone else to get him?”

“I’ll do it, just go have fun.”

Giving him a smile I walked off to the parking lot and over to the Summer Set bus, opening up their door before stepping up the short little staircase. Thankfully their bus wasn’t a mess like the boy’s and finding John wasn’t too hard but when I got to him I pause for a moment, just watching him. He seemed so peaceful in his sleep but he seemed troubled at the same time. Finally I decided to wake him up even though I really didn’t want to.

“John?” I called out quietly, biting my lower lip with nervousness.

A moment passed by before he finally answered me. “Am I in Heaven?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at what he said, shaking my head slightly. “No, but you have to get up. We’re having a bonfire.”

Shifting slightly, I backed away a step so he could get up and I wasn’t in his way while I also watching him carefully, smiling at how sleepy he still looked and how his hair was ruffled up in the back. I was most certainly not expecting him to hold out his hand like he was, wanting me to take it and even though my mind was yelling at me not to take it…I did anyway.

The way my hand slipped so easily into his, fit so perfectly brought me back to high school when we were dating. How we’d walk through the hallways of our high school during senior year like nothing would break us apart but we’d been wrong about that. While thinking I’d just been walking along almost robotically but when I felt myself being pulled I snapped right back to reality and looked up at John, tensing slightly before I relaxed and snuggled into John’s side.

Now I was treading dangerous waters but it was too tempting, the way I felt so safe and right at home in his side, how being close to him reminded me of why I fell in love with him but there was also that constant reminder of what happened…of what he did. It wasn’t long before the fire came into view and the laughter from the small party was breaking through the air around us.

I pulled away from John, looking up at him as I spoke. “Uh, thanks for walking me.”

All I could do was give him a small smile and wave before walking off down closer to the fire. I stood there for a moment, watching the flames lick up into the air before I wandered over to one of the coolers and grabbed a beer. For a while I just talked to everyone, getting to know the people I’d probably be around for the next couple months but during the whole time my eyes kept wondering to John and I needed it to stop.

After finishing my second beer I headed down to the water where no one was at, sitting down in the sand before I pulled off my shoes and buried my feet in the sand, loving the feeling of the sand sliding between my toes. The sound of shuffling sand made me look up, smiling when I saw that it was Garrett. I shouldn’t have been surprised; he seemed to be around me all the time.

“Not having fun?”

“I am…I’m just thinking about stuff.”

He nodded before sitting down beside me, looking out at the water like I was. Reaching over I stole his beer and took a sip, laughing when he glared at me playfully.

“You know, if there is one thing you shouldn’t do, it’s taking a man’s beer.”

“Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” I smirked as I took another sip from the bottle.

Garrett reached over to take it back but I moved it out from his reach, my eyes widening when a smirk pulled onto his lips and I let out a quiet scream with a laugh as I stood up and ran along the shore to get away from Garrett who was chasing me. Our laughs bounced around through the air, sand kicking up behind us as we ran till he caught me and spun me around, taking the beer back from me.

“Garrett, Pat needs you.”

Both of us snapped around to see John up a couple feet on the shore, closer to the bonfire party than we were. I looked down and bit my lip nervously, backing away from Garrett as he sighed and made his way up to where everyone else was. When I looked up John was still there and I could tell he wasn’t too happy. I’d always been good at figuring out what was running through his head.

“You can join me…” I said quietly as I turned back around and sat down in the sand like earlier.

The sound of sand shuffling made me smile slightly, looking over as John sat down next to me. I looked back out at the water, wondering what I should say to him. There were so many things I wanted to ask him but I wasn’t sure how to bring them up.

“You and Garrett…seem pretty close.” He stated, looking at me as I looked at him shocked.

“We always were. Do I sense a jealous tone?” I leaned closer to him, trying to read his face but he looked away from me.

I sighed and shook my head, running a hand through my brown hair. “John…I want to ask you something…”

My voice was so quiet but I knew he could hear me since the sounds of the party seemed so far away from us.

“I need an honest answer, no matter if it hurts me more or not but I need to know if that had been the first time you’d cheated on me. Was it John? Or had you been getting drunk at parties and screwing with girls the whole time?”