Casimir Pulaski Day
And he drove his car into the Navy-yard just to prove that he was sorry
When Finn left, I felt empty and solitude…my world was gray and dusty. I waited to hear the engine of my dad’s old car, but some small part of my brain knew all along that the car wasn't’t coming back…dad might, but not the car. I stayed in my bed until I couldn't’t stand it any longer. I decided I needed music and I went to my old decorated C-D player and turned on Iron and Wine. There was nothing more fitting for an Alabama evening then the voice of the lead singer, humming away far distant tunes. I slowly walked over to my window, afraid that my bones would break.
I sat, staring out at the setting sun. It was 6:07 now and the birds were flying away to their nests, readying their babies for the coming night. There was something wrong with my bones….but it wasn't’t the bones themselves, and that’s the part that confused me.
Somehow when I was born the Cancer took over my body and as I grew it filled all the marrow in my bones with something horrid and evil. All of my cells were fighting on another, and I lost a battle a week and four days ago, and that’s why I went to the Hospital. That’s what they told me.
But I didn't’t believe it. I knew that no one was just born with Cancer; I was smart enough to know that fact. But I was also smart enough to know that Bone marrow cancer wasn't’t hereditary and I was one of the youngest cases they had ever had. Something must have come over me and I tried as I hard as I could to remember when it first started and why. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate, tried to open all the filthy boxes in the back of my brain, but suddenly I heard the front door close.
I slowly got up and turned to see my father, nearly dead, standing in the hallway. I went back to the window and sat down and said
“Hey.” He walked to me and looked out as well.
“Neve...I-“
“Shh….don’t worry about it…I’m going to be perfectly ok...”
I heard him nod his head and I remembered back to the old days when it was just momma me and dad. We took a trip down to the Springsberg River and I swam all the way across and back. My momma did a pretty dive into the water and dad did a cannonball. He played catch with me and momma made me a sandwich that I could still taste.
I felt my dad touch my shoulder, and I thought about how he must feel. To see the face of his lost wife everyday in his daughter. To drown out his sorrows in drinking and alcohol. Somewhere deep down I felt pity for the man, but mostly I just felt disgust. Every waking moment I prayed to whatever god that was listening in hopes that I wouldn't’t end up like my dad. A recluse and a disgrace to society.
I
sighed and moved his hand from touching me. Then I rose and lied down on my bed. I heard him begin to shuffle out, but before he closed the door he said
“I’m sorry….” And he then disappeared into the chambers of his aching mind.
I still felt nothing, although I knew his words to be true. I just didn't’t understand how showing someone you were sorry meant driving the only transportation device in this hell hole into a Navy-yard.
My father’s motives had never made sense and I guess that was the one thing that made me push farther away from him.
I sat, staring out at the setting sun. It was 6:07 now and the birds were flying away to their nests, readying their babies for the coming night. There was something wrong with my bones….but it wasn't’t the bones themselves, and that’s the part that confused me.
Somehow when I was born the Cancer took over my body and as I grew it filled all the marrow in my bones with something horrid and evil. All of my cells were fighting on another, and I lost a battle a week and four days ago, and that’s why I went to the Hospital. That’s what they told me.
But I didn't’t believe it. I knew that no one was just born with Cancer; I was smart enough to know that fact. But I was also smart enough to know that Bone marrow cancer wasn't’t hereditary and I was one of the youngest cases they had ever had. Something must have come over me and I tried as I hard as I could to remember when it first started and why. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate, tried to open all the filthy boxes in the back of my brain, but suddenly I heard the front door close.
I slowly got up and turned to see my father, nearly dead, standing in the hallway. I went back to the window and sat down and said
“Hey.” He walked to me and looked out as well.
“Neve...I-“
“Shh….don’t worry about it…I’m going to be perfectly ok...”
I heard him nod his head and I remembered back to the old days when it was just momma me and dad. We took a trip down to the Springsberg River and I swam all the way across and back. My momma did a pretty dive into the water and dad did a cannonball. He played catch with me and momma made me a sandwich that I could still taste.
I felt my dad touch my shoulder, and I thought about how he must feel. To see the face of his lost wife everyday in his daughter. To drown out his sorrows in drinking and alcohol. Somewhere deep down I felt pity for the man, but mostly I just felt disgust. Every waking moment I prayed to whatever god that was listening in hopes that I wouldn't’t end up like my dad. A recluse and a disgrace to society.
I
sighed and moved his hand from touching me. Then I rose and lied down on my bed. I heard him begin to shuffle out, but before he closed the door he said
“I’m sorry….” And he then disappeared into the chambers of his aching mind.
I still felt nothing, although I knew his words to be true. I just didn't’t understand how showing someone you were sorry meant driving the only transportation device in this hell hole into a Navy-yard.
My father’s motives had never made sense and I guess that was the one thing that made me push farther away from him.