Casimir Pulaski Day

I walked with Finn up to his house and tried to let my body get strong, I tried to feel that sense of youth I had always felt until now. Although it was still there, I could feel it disappearing. I had to stop for a moment in our walk to acknowledge the fact that when I died in a year and a half, it would be from that exact disappearance.

That just didn't’seem right. And yet it was, wholly and fully. Finn looked at me concerned as I stood there looking at the tree’s around me and feeling the sun heat up my hair. I looked back to Finn’s eyes and sighed, then kept on walking.

I nudged him as we walked and glanced at him, frivolity in my eyes. He nudged me back and I laughed. I heard again the familiar chirp of my family of birds, and my heart lightened its load with gratefulness, my entire being feeling blessed to hear their pleasant chirps ringing in my ears.

The dusty road felt especially dusty and I confirmed that if I were to smell this smell some time later in my life I would acknowledge it as the smell of my childhood, the smell of my old world. But then it hit me. There would be no me in later life.

The sun went behind a cloud that I hadn't seen and the world went dark for a moment. Finn’s hair was a lot less golden and my heart began to ache. Suddenly I found myself on the ground, my white tank top getting covered in dirt and my head already feeling sore from the hit it had made when I collapsed. Soon Finn’s lovely face was above mine, his strong eyes brows creased with worry and his hands trembling to hold me, to lift me up. I looked at him and took a deep breath then stood up, ignoring the ache in my bones.

He held my hand the rest of the way and I knew it for sure then. The way his hand curved around mine, the way I felt ok as long as he was there, mostly the way that even though I knew I was going to die I still loved him with my entire heart and I wasn't selfless enough to let him be free.

He would turn and glance at me as we kept on walking and soon his dark green house with yellow trimming came into view. His mother was out watering her flowers, she had on a sun hat and her red hair was flowing around her. She heard us walking down the road and turned and waved at us. Finn’s mother was one of those grown-ups who you think you want to be like, who make it seem like its easy but really actually have nothing figured out. Her name was Ethel Scivally and she was exactly 44 years old. She was rather short but it was a known fact, to me only, that she was quite addicted to drugs. Finn wouldn't’tell me what kind, in fact he had only said that she was addicted to them, he never gave me any more facts and I didn't’t ask.
I had seen her take care of Sammy, Finn’s little brother, and I hadn't understood the woman until then. Sammy was one of those people on this earth that deserve to be here. He was innocent and wise in all the right ways.

As I thought of him I saw him run out of the house, an airplane in his hand. He looked slightly less pale then normal and that made me smile. He saw Finn and I walked down as well and he ran to us. He was 6 years old and had the same hair that my Finn had, golden and wild. He was most likely the thinnest child I would ever meet and his eyes always had dark circles underneath them. He was already home from school because he could only go for half a day due to his severe diabetes.

He ran up to Finn and said
“Binnie, Binnie! I found more rocks for our fort! I did I swear! Hurry you have to come and see!”

Then he ran off in the direction of his rocks and I followed with my hand comfortably in Finn’s. Binnie was Sammy’s nickname for Finn. I thought it was adorable. Sammy led us to their back yard by their tire swing where he had placed a pile of rocks behind a large tree. Finn let go of my hand and went over to inspect them. Sammy stared at Finn’s face waiting for his reaction, and smiled as he saw that Finn was pleased. I felt my heart warm up a little bit, and I found myself smiling at the scene playing out in front of me.

“These are great Sammy. How ‘bout after lunch we add on to our fort a little bit?” Sammy’s face was the brightest I had ever seen as he quickly nodded. I knew my presence in Finn’s life had altered their relationship and especially everything that had happened in the last week. I was glad to know that now they would have time together.

Sammy suddenly looked at me and came close then said
“Neve….are you feeling better yet?” I nodded and said
“Yeah, I think I am. How about you kiddo?” He nodded solemnly then his eyes lit up and he pointed to the road
“Binnie, Daddy’s home!!!!” Sure enough, through the dust flying up from the road was Finn’s father in their car, coming home for lunch. Finn’s father seemed to truly be a saint to me. His name was Miles Scivally and he was very tall. He was 46 and had been married to Ethel for 20 years. Back before everything with Sammy Ethel had been normal and she had been beautiful. Finn had told me that she used to look like she had popped out of a painting. Miles had been in love with her and they had married, having Finn two years later. I think the fact that Finn appeared to be his twin was perhaps the reason I was so fond of the man. He just had a general goodness about him, a kind of person you wanted to be around.

I honestly didn't’t know how he did it though. He provided for Finn and Sammy and paid for Ethel’s “Prescribed” drugs, while bringing food to the table every night. But the part that astonished me the most was that he did it with a happy heart and he never acted rashly. I had never experienced the influence of good parenting skills and if there was anything I wished I could have, it was Finn’s father.

He got out of the car and waved to Ethel who continued to water her flowers. He saw the three of us around the corner and beckoned for Sammy to come over to him who ran over obligingly. Sammy was lifted into his arms and Finn took my hand to walk over to them. I began feeling weightless again and I knew that was a bad sign. I nudged Finn and said
“Finn, I need to sit.” Alarm came over his face and he nodded, saying hi to his father and leading me inside to their table.

We all ate a lunch of Peanut butter & Jelly sandwiches and ruffles. Miles cracked jokes and made me a nice cup of lemonade with lemons that came from their own lemon tree. The longer I sat the better my body felt. At around 6, after a good game of hide and seek with Sammy and basking in the sun for hours watching the two boys build on to their fort, I finally went home. Finn came with me because for once I didn't’t want to go anywhere alone.